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Why am I Suddenly Attracting All My Ex-Boyfriends?

"Why am I Suddenly Attracting All My Ex-Boyfriends?"

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

After being in a committed relationship, I found myself suddenly single. The relationship ended on bad terms — as in, he had an affair — so it took me a while to get over the pain. I've moved on from the situation now, but not on to another romance. The irony of it all? Three guys I dated in the past have suddenly been in touch. I agreed to meet these guys on dates, only to find out afterward that they were all in relationships. I know moving on is not about going backwards, but this is almost becoming a trend. I'm really frustrated with the whole situation. Is it me? Can you shed some light on this?

Have a dilemma of your own? Post it anonymously to Group Therapy for advice, and check out what else is happening in the TrèsSugar Community.

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Bubbles12 Bubbles12 5 years
This happened to me too twice, once when I became engaged and the other for no reason at all that I could tell other than we were all a few years above or below 50 -- I heard from three ex's I hadn't heard from in ages. I wasn't seeking them out and we don't even live in the same state. Some of them I broke up with, some of them broke up with me. I do believe there is a tremendous connection with people we were involved with and there is intuitive intelligence about when people are compelled to reach out. And that for most of us there is a bond that will never go away with former lovers, so it's important to respect it and it's power. A couple of them wanted to understand what had happened in the past and we had some really healthy exchanges I'm grateful for. I know for myself all the guys were in relationships and while they were all happy in them, they clearly were looking for something on the side either subtly or overtly -- a flirtation or an outright affair. That was a big disappointment. I'm a part of their youth now, and we both have an undeserved glow. But what I did get to see is that not being with them was a good thing. It answered some questions for me about me, them and us. Ex's returning isn't romantic destiny calling, it's just a message from your past. You too may understand how your choices in the past weren't as good as the ones you hope to make moving forward. Enjoy.
chibros chibros 5 years
Is it that you're not attractive that you wasn't meeting anyone else or kept living in old "goods"? If yes, then i agree, you should keep living by it and go ahead and meet them. Regardless of whether you left them in good or bad terms, doesn't warrant "all I am attracting are ex boyfriends". Ofcourse its your life, live it the way you want. But the only light we can shed on this as you requested is: if you want somethings new, change your routes and stop running round-about ***They all have girl friends and still asked you out. You still counting on them for something that would worth it?
henna-red henna-red 5 years
The dating scene is whatever we make it to be. I agree with those saying if you want something different, you have to do something different. A new approach, a new "marketplace," not the same ole, same ole.
shannonsingle shannonsingle 5 years
Thank you for your replies, The reason that I agreed to meet these guys because I wasn't meeting anyone else be it out or through friends.These past relationships didnt work out due to geography and timing and I left them on good terms. What baffles me is the fact they all had girlfriends when they pursued me. Is this what the dating scene has come down to?
Serene18 Serene18 5 years
I don't get it. Your attracting only your exes? I don't find it coincidences that people attract the people that they do. It is a reason for it. Maybe this reason is as simple as you needing to get out more. You said it like it was all of a sudden it started happening when you left your relationship, but they have been in touch with you throughout your relationship. And as BiWife said (uh hm) why would you go on dates with your exes? Idk, I guess some people have those kind of relationships with their exes, where they remain close like that. Get out more, as soon as you stop thinking about it, others besides your exes will start flocking towards you.
BiWife BiWife 5 years
why did you agree to dates with exes? that's just asking for trouble. get out there and meet some new people.
pax4pax pax4pax 5 years
You need to get into a new marketplace because, if you stay in the same spot, you won't find new products.
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