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Winning Back Boyfriend

Group Therapy: Can I Win Him Back?

This question is from a Group Therapy post in our TrèsSugar Community. Add your advice in the comments!

After nearly a year of dating, I broke up with my adoring boyfriend because I was experiencing some conflicted emotions and was scared of further commitment. This whole situation made me realize just how much I really loved him and realizing my mistake, I attempted to reconcile. I realized this would take a lot of of work and time, but I was willing to do what it took to try to correct things.

However, one of my friends started telling him she oversaw a conversation between me and my other ex and that I had physically and emotionally cheated. None of this was true. I even told him I didn't, but he still claims I didn't "flat out deny it" . . . Now he's convinced I cheated on him no matter what I say, and I'm at a loss as to what to do. He completely believes what my former friend has to say and only trusts her out of all my friends.



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passion8 passion8 5 years
the funny thing that i am learning is that whatever it is i am seeking from someone outside of myself is usually my way of saying that i need to do that for me instead of for that other person, so what comes to mind is when i hear you say trying to win him back i hear i am trying to win myself back because i feel like i lost myself during the course of the relationship and i dont know how so i will try to win him back, would you agree?
BiWife BiWife 6 years
move on. You broke his heart and ruined his trust at the same time, it's no wonder he believes this mutual friend over his ex. you learned the lesson the hard way to work on a relationship before giving up on it, so find someone else and try not to screw that one up.
tjfranco tjfranco 6 years
You obviously love him and still want to be with him but he doesn't trust you. If there's no trust do you want to stick around for the aftermath? Especially if he might use it as ammo against you if things don't go smoothly? You deserve happiness but when what you're fighting for isn't fighting fairly after you've done everything that you could possibly do, it's time you move forward. As for the "friend," what "friend" does that? Why is she making your business her business? You sure she doesn't have motives of her own for standing between you and your bf?
GTCB GTCB 6 years
So your relationship didn't work out. Happens all the time. You'll find someone new in time.
dexaholic dexaholic 6 years
Sounds like you broke his heart, and maybe believing the rumor that you cheated on him is easier for him to grasp than you breaking up with him because of commitment issues. Whether it was the right decision or not, it only takes one person to break up, but it takes two to get back together and make a relationship work. If he is unwilling, you should accept that and start moving on with your life and finding someone who is a better fit for you. But learn from this so that you don't make the same mistake next time. Talk with your boyfriend about your hesitations and whatnot about your future together before just breaking it off and realizing later that you've made a mistake.
moam-network moam-network 6 years
missmaryb missmaryb 6 years
I'm sorry, that's too bad that he won't believe you. And some "friend" you have there. I think he's just going to have to come around to believing you if you're to have a chance with him. I wouldn't keep pushing the issue at this point. Give him some time to think and make his own decisions. If he still doesn't believe you, it may be a lost cause. Good luck.
Pistil Pistil 6 years
It seems like maybe you kind of broke up with him out of the blue, right? You can imagine how his trust might be compromised now... Did you try reconciling before your friend spoke with him? There is a chance he would not have been willing to reconcile even without your friend the interloper. All you can really do is defend your position. Maybe he'll come around eventually (how long ago was the break up? It takes time to process that kind of thing), but then maybe you don't want someone who so willingly takes the word of this 'friend' over the word of a girl he's been with for the past year.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 6 years
He's going to believe what HE wants to believe. He chooses to believe that you've cheated on him (simpler excuse of you breaking it off than some conflicted emotional issue he doesn't have a grasp on), therefore it is what it is. The question is, how far do you want to go and how much work do you want to put in this 'relationship'? I see it almost futile anyway when one party isn't going to believe you whatever you say. Trying to discredit the other girl will not even help your cause too, because again, it's all what HE wants to believe.
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