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Women's Common Complaint: He Occasionally Sees Strippers

Women's Common Complaint: He Occasionally Sees Strippers

So your man doesn't hit the strip clubs every weekend, but what if he goes with the boys every once in a while? If it's something you don't like or even understand, you're not alone, but talking about it with him will surely make a big difference. Here are some points you can cover.

  • Ask him why he likes going to strip clubs so you can get a better understanding of his rationale. Maybe he goes so he can spend guy time with his buddies, or maybe it's a way to have fun and relieve stress.
  • Explain how it makes you feel, that you're worried he may be more sexually interested in these other women than he is you. This is a good way to find out if there's anything about your sex life that bothers him or if he wishes things were different.
  • Ask him if it's one of his sexual fantasies to see a woman strip down and dance for him, then ask if he'd be interested in you stripping for him instead!

Dear's Advice:Remember that boys will be boys and just because your significant other enjoys hitting the strip club every once in a while, it doesn't necessarily mean he's any less attracted to you. With that said, if talking about it doesn't make you feel more secure, or if he's not willing to see things from your perspective and make some changes, you might want to reconsider your relationship.


Join The Conversation
samischo samischo 9 years
ok and i'm sorry, i just have to say something. "old ugly strippers?" i'm 19 and i'm definitely not ugly. i agree that you should give him a private show instead, but stop being so f'ing stereotypical and judgmental. we're people too.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
I'd either go with him and make fun of the ugly, old strippers or I'd give him a personal strip show once in a while and ask him to not go.
K-is-For-Kait K-is-For-Kait 9 years
I go to Strip clubs WITH my boyfriend. And both male and female friends, for that matter. Most strip clubs are not dirty holes in the walls with beaten employees as often portrayed in films. They're really just like bars with half-naked dancing women. If you're comfortable with your own sexuality, comfortable with your boyfriend's commitment and you don't have a stick up your bum in general, it can be a really fun place to socialize. I think some people just need to change their perspectives and get over their own cruel biases.
Fallen85 Fallen85 9 years
Ugh, I just wrote a blog on this. Check out my blog Boyfriend, Girlfriends and Strippers. Thats how I feel. Get over yourselves, ladies. It's not "lowering your standards" just because you dont get all freaked out about your man going to see strippers. These women who think its cheating and sh!t are just insecure and think that these strippers are their man's ideal woman and that he is going to up and leave you for someone teensy tiny with gigantic fake breasts. If you're dating a guy who would leave you because he went to a strip club then you probbaly shouldnt be dating him in the first place. Ugh. Read my blog post.
ffemt1201 ffemt1201 9 years
jillerin, my sentiments exactly!!
Silverlining10 Silverlining10 9 years
If a woman has a problem with a guy visiting strip clubs, dump him. I wouldn't expect a guy to change for me, so if I have a problem with him, I have to make a decision. I don't think there's anything wrong with strip clubs. I think strippers are more respectable than prostitutes, and prostitutes are significantly more respectable than the whores in high school and college that give it up for free. However, I certainly wouldn't want my man looking elsewhere for his jollies. If I can't satisfy him, and he wants to see a new and different woman every day, either in porn or at a strip club, then I am not the one for him.
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
And it would be pretty funny to see how many boys (pretty much all of them) will have a hissy fit and get pissed off if "their" girl EVER went to a club like that for women. Stupid double standards!!!!! And some people still think sexism doesn't exist anymore!!! Girls need to quit making excuses for guys to be disrespectful to us!!! If none of us did that they would all stop because none of the jerks would ever get anything from a girl, much less have a girlfriend.
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
AMEN BELLASUGAR and everyone who agrees with her. The "boys will be boys" excuse is a bunch of bull shit! Excuse the language, but it really is. I can't believe girls will sit back and take that crap. Guess what!? I'm a girl and I am extremely visual, I'm a visual learner, I remember things by looking at pictures, I am good at photography because I notice lighting, arrangement etc. about things around me naturally etc. etc. etc. And since when does that make it ok for me to have fun with male "dancers" or to admire every hot guy that walks by "just because I am a visual person"!!!!!!!!!!!!!????? Since when do I have to completely respect the guy I am with even though I am a visual person but he doesn't have to respect me because he is a visual person!?!? And guys are not all visual!!! They, just like every human regardless of sex, can be different, they can be visual, auditory, or kinesthetic learners...(and of course that doesn't only apply to learning things) but you know what? I would bet money that every guy has used the stupid excuse that "boys will be boys, (because they are all visual apparently) at least once in their life. What a bunch of crap.
samischo samischo 9 years
"Strip clubs are not HARMLESS fun. They put their dancers/workers through all kinds of brutal treatments. Girls are forced to hand over large amounts of their "takings" and often find it hard to leave the business for fear of managers/pimps/johns coming after them. You CANNOT guarantee that the girl who is gyrating around in front of you is doing it a) out of choice and b) with adequate job protection." fluffyhelen: I don't know what clubs you have been to or where you heard this from, but all of my managers and bouncers have been hilarious, fun guys. They always respected me, and they made sure customers treated me with the same respect. The one time a customer touched me inappropriately, they threw him out immediately. I have never felt unsafe. Yes, I have to rent out the stage for the night, but giving the club back $100 isn't so hard when I'm walking out with another $500 in my hand. Almost all the girls I work with do it because its great money. Plus we love dancing and showing off. Dancing for 6 hours straight has given me the best body I've ever had. The only complaint we would have is sometimes having to dance with dirty old men. But even then, we can choose if we want to dance with someone or not. So if you're talking from personal experience, then I'm sorry, you need to find a better club. If not, get your facts straight before you run your mouth. Its because of people like you strippers have a bad name. You make it sound like we're abused, pathetic, dirty women, and you couldn't be more wrong. On a separate note, most guys who come in are just lonely, sad guys who want company, or have been going through a hard time. The other ones are just young and looking to have fun. And yeah some guys don't like strip clubs because its just a big tease and girls will try to hustle them for money the whole time.
jennjennnbubba jennjennnbubba 9 years
I don't see anything wrong with my man going to a strip club with the guys as long as its not on a regular basis and he follows the rules. Now if he went alone and frequently then we might have issues
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I'm in the minority, too. I've offerred to go to strip clubs with my husband when were dating and married. He declined, as he doesn't patron strip clubs, but I've bought up the idea. In my past, I've visited some really nice strip clubs, and I was impressed. The dancers were talented and provocative. I was with a group of my guy friends, and the dancers were protective OF ME. One of the girls danced up close to me, and asked,"Are they forcing you to be here??" She motioned her head towards my guy friends. She continued,"You don't have to be here if you're uncomfortable!" She was truly concerned for me. She was so sweet! Of course, I told her I was there on my own free will, and complimented her on her dancing (she was really good). Afterwards, a few of the dancers hung-out with us. Overall, I had a good impression of strip clubs and dancers. They're not bad.
mlen mlen 9 years
i am not completely against strip clubs- as long as its not a regular event! if my guy went once or twice a year with the guys or for a bachelor party- i have no problem with it. now the fact that the guy i'm dating now has a history of dating strippers and can't go to any strip clubs in about an hour radius without knowing someone stripping? o yes that i have a small problem with lol
TidalWave TidalWave 9 years
@FluffyHelen: Walmart manager's delete overtime from the computers and men get a disportionate amount of promotions compared to women. I make the comparison because these are things that had to be investigated to come to light. Whereas, you have to be an idiot to think that being a stripper is a "safe" lifestyle.
jillerin457 jillerin457 9 years
I don't think this is generally an issue of infidelity; obviously, most men don't actually sleep with the strippers they pay to see. The problem is that it encourages a very wrong view of women and sexuality, and creates an environment in which it is very difficult for a wife or girlfriend to live up to the ensuing expectations. If a man is seeing these women as existing for his entertainment and gratification, naturally, that sort of thinking will begin to take root in his mind. He will have trouble accepting his real-life partner as a whole person with a full range of thoughts, emotions, responsibilities, and capabilities, and resent her for acting as such. He may even think he "deserves" a stripper and shouldn't have to put up with a woman who is ever tired, out of shape, or not in the mood to please him. At the very least, it's not okay for a guy in a relationship to go out of his way to see naked girls other than the one he's chosen to be with. Even if the things described above somehow don't happen, he's still making it pretty stinkin' hard for his woman to feel good about herself.
sparklestar sparklestar 9 years
@Tidalwave - you have no understanding of the industry then. I pro-actively work in campaigns to help women OUT of the sex industry. Why would I shop at Walmart? I wasn't aware Walmart employees were beaten and threatened by their bosses even if I did. O.o "Men are visual creatures" well, that's fine. Nowhere in "visual" do they need to objectify and disrespect women. NOWHERE.
havok636 havok636 9 years
i actually think it's fun to go to a strip club with the guys, especially my boyfriend. the looks on their faces when they get lapdances are hilarious. it really is more about fun and relieving stress than infidelity
emalove emalove 9 years
And Bella, you're right...wayyyyy too many women lower their expectations and think they should be "okay" with this kind of stuff. If you're not comfortable with it, speak up!
emalove emalove 9 years
I would never be okay with this. Not even as an occasional thing. Thankfully my husband isn't into it either.
kikidawn kikidawn 9 years
Bella, I don't think the 'boys will be boys' excuse flies either. It's in human nature for boys to look? They are visual? ok... well it is in human nature to judge, to lie, to do all kinds of bad things. Are those things ok b/c it is in human nature to do so?
MartiniLush MartiniLush 9 years
Jessie, I've gone with my husband, too. He doesn't go to them regularly, he's been about 5 times in his life. Besides, I took some pole dancing/lap dance lessons and do it for him at home - he likes that MUCH better! ;-)
Beauty Beauty 9 years
You know what? I've never thought the "boys will be boys" explanation was OK. A man who respects women is not going to get his jollies at a strip club. I really think women have to stop lowering their expectations and putting up with this sort of thing. To each her own, but if a guy I dated habitually went to strip clubs, he'd be free to keep doing so — but he wouldn't be able to keep dating me in the meantime.
AKirstin AKirstin 9 years
I have a weird opinion about strip clubs, in that I am pro-sex industry but strip clubs are sad places. There is always this weird anger in them. The men resent the women they can't touch and the women resent the men for objectifying them. Maybe not at first, but eventually. I just don't understand the appeal. Why would you go and give so much money to girls you don't get to touch? Why not just find a professional and not go home frustrated?
Sydney-C Sydney-C 9 years
Tidalwave you are right. I've been to many a strip clubs and there is ALWAYS the no touching rule in place - I don't care how much money you throw at them. And I stand by my earlier statement - if my boyfriend forbid me to go somewhere (like many girls seem to do with their bfs and husbands) he would have another thing coming!! And I also agree with some of the earlier posts - most guys find them to be pretty boring or a waste of money - my bf included, but IF he did want to go, for a bachelor party or whatever else - that's his perogative and I'm not going to tell him no.
tomatoshirt tomatoshirt 9 years
samischo - Question for you... Alot of girls here are saying thank god that their boys don't like to go to strip clubs... do you think it's true? No offense to all yours dearsuger readers, I am just courious.
TidalWave TidalWave 9 years
@fluffyhelen: Strip clubs are not HARMLESS fun. They put their dancers/workers through all kinds of brutal treatments. Girls are forced to hand over large amounts of their "takings" and often find it hard to leave the business for fear of managers/pimps/johns coming after them. So, in that argument, a strip club's treatment of their female employees is just as bad as Walmart's. I assume you don't shop there. Strip clubs can be seen as merely a spring board into pornography/prostitution. SO WHAT! The girls are dancing there by choice! If they want to be porn stars, then good for them! I'm with Jessie, I've gone with my SO in a group of friends; it's not a big deal. And skigurl, I really don't know any strip clubs where the guys can touch the girls. This is nothing to get upset about. Most strippers are gross anyway. The only thing I would be mad at my SO about is all the money these damn things cost.
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