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This or That: They Won't Stop Pressuring or Pestering?

This or That: They Won't Stop Pressuring or Pestering?

You and your boyfriend have been together a few years and have lived together for just over one. You guys get along great and are really happy. You’ve decided as a couple that as soon as you're both further along in your careers, you’ll get engaged, probably within three years. You both come from very traditional families; his more so than yours, and they play a pretty significant role in both of your lives. Lately you noticed that he’s been acting strange, and although it takes a few tries, you finally get it out of him. Would if be worse if it turns out that . . .

This: His parents have been putting a lot of pressure on him to get married? So much, in fact, that he’s feeling a little commitment-phobic and thinking that maybe you guys should take a step back.

Or . . .

That: His parents don’t think you’re good wife material because you’re too focused on your career? Now he’s suddenly become a defiant teenager and wants to prove them wrong; he’s talking about you quitting your job when you get engaged.

Which is worse?


Join The Conversation
sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 9 years
Either one and I'm gone. I love my family and hope I end up with a guy who loves his, but for parents to have this much of an influence on a grown man's relationship should ring some alarm bells. That being said, if I ever have kids I would prefer to be a stay at home mom anyway, but if I had some man telling me what to do with my life I'd probably go and do the opposite just to spite him. Feminism is about choice. ;)
thegiraffe thegiraffe 9 years
The second one is worse, because in the first one, at least you know your in-laws like you enough for you two to get married. In the event you do get married eventually, this is a plus. In the second one, they oppose of you as a person to begin with.
ayanaphil ayanaphil 9 years
Which is worse? Him asking me to give up my career in order to get married. Like javsmav said, I'd rather be single.
sabrinaland sabrinaland 9 years
Time to run a mile!
lily3484 lily3484 9 years
First of all, I find something very wrong when a man lets his mother influence his life so much. Family is very important to me and I respect my family and his families feelings but not so much to sacrifice our happiness. I want my boyfriend to marry me when he is ready not when his mother is ready. I also worked too hard at my career to give it all up. I think its incredibly important for your boyfriend to have your side as well as his moms. A Mama's boy is no fun! It feels like your in constant competition with your bf's mother. He needs to be willing to speak up for you, if need be. These are two very sticky situations and Im just glad I have a supportive bf with a nice mom :)
cubadog cubadog 9 years
They are both equally bad to me. I would never give up my career so someone else can make a point and I not want to be with someone that cannot stand up to people his parents included.
javsmav javsmav 9 years
Thank you for highlighting the "WHICH IS WORSE" right before the question!! I'd rather be single than a housewife.
MarinerMandy MarinerMandy 9 years
Oh, the SO's parents...they can cause so much trouble! I could never marry him if he expected me to conform to their wishes over my own.
missceego0711 missceego0711 9 years
I would never want my man to make me give up my career so he can prove to his parents that I would be a good wife. If his parents just want him to have a wife that is going to be a stay at home mom, he can think again. I will not be giving up my job for no one, and if he can't accept that then I don't know what to do. I would want to build up career so I have some money in an account so I can fall back on. When do we have children I can take some time off to be a mother to them, and not have to worry about spending money on stuff and feeling guilty. I have seen plenty of wife who goes behind their husbands back and spend money because their husband wants to be in charge of finance. That's not me. I'm going to college so I can get myself a good job and support myself. If he want me to quit my job, then it would just be a waste of my parents money for all of the cash they are shelling out for me to get an education.
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