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Worried About My Friend And Drugs

Dear Sugar
My best friend and I have been buddies for years. We're both 16 and lately, I've found out that she's been going pretty wild with hard drugs such as: cocaine, LSD, heroin, ecstasy and mushrooms.

She also drinks excessively, and has been involved in sexual liaisons with boys she isn't even dating and doesn't know anything about. I'm pretty conservative, so I haven't really experienced the same kinds of things.

She's on the pill, but she doesn't listen to me when I talk to her about using condoms also to protect herself against from STD's and the risks associated with doing all of these drugs. Her parents know about most of the things that are going on and when she's home and she's smoking pot in her backyard, her parents bring out ashtrays!

They have asked me to talk to her about her behavior. But I don't want to become her parent. I feel like it's their job to enforce rules and they aren't. She tell me that no matter what she does, her punishments are minimal and weak.

People around me suggest that I should just wait for her to grow out of this stage. However, I don't feel right acting like these problems don't exist. I am worried about her contracting an STD or having a dangerous drinking/drugs experience.

How can I get her to take me seriously (without sounding like her mother or her health teacher) when I've never come in contact with the things that she has?
Worried Sick Stacey

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Worried Sick Stacey
You are a good friend, but those close to you are right...there's not a whole lot that you can do to change her behavior. She is not your daughter, she is your friend.

She's taking the same health education classes you are and she's making these choices anyway. Talk to her once so she knows that you are concerned and that she can call you if she's in trouble - this is called "communication without condemnation." She's not going to open up to you if you are going to read her the riot act each time.

Then try and distance yourself from her issues the best that you can. Your friend is acting out. She's seeking attention, acceptance and status. Deep down she probably wants to get punished. Kids who don't grow up without any boundaries are always looking for ways to test them. What's wrong with her parents?

Unfortunately, unless she wakes up and decides these habits are bad for her these scenarios typically don't end well. Eventually, those who push their luck find out the hard way that their luck runs out and they get into trouble with the law, pregnancy, drugs, financing their drug habit, etc...

You sound like a good girl with great values. You can't save your friend, you can only listen and offer your love and support. So don't get sucked into being her messiah. That's not your job.

Join The Conversation
legallyblonde legallyblonde 9 years
I think that talking to a school health professional or counselor may help. Obviously the parents are out of the picture. I agree with ren, when she does something stupid, tell her exactly how you are feeling. I presume that if most of her friends weren't into drugs to begin with, she will start to hang out with those who are. Try to keep her away from people like that. As soon as you start to hang out with them, the drug use and the people spiral. Once you get to that point, it's very hard to get out. She needs stability and control. There is only so much you can do as a friend. I admire your ability to stand by your friend during this difficult time. Please feel free to message me at any time if you would like.
heatherp heatherp 10 years
this is a hard one. intervention is not always effective at this age. perhaps you can convince your friend to just keep a journal of her behavior nad usage - without judgment - hten after a week or two she may be able to look at things more objectively.
ren1 ren1 10 years
There's not a whole lot you can do. When she tells you about something irresponsible she did the day before, all you can say is "Why do you do that? It sounds pretty stupid." She'll either stop talking to you about the things she's doing, or she might listen to you. Odds are she'll do what she wants and either grow out of it or something bad will happen, whichever comes first. My best friend was in the same situation. Her parents were no help, since her dad was the one providing her with pot and cocaine. I grew out of it and eventually couldn't stand to watch her anymore. I had to end our 8 year friendship after I found out she was hanging out with my younger brother and inviting him to her parties. She's dead now. There was nothing I could have done. I really hope your friend grows up and doesn't wind up like mine did.
ethiopian_princess ethiopian_princess 10 years
talk her parents or stage an intervention. she'll hate you maybe, but it might save her life.
My-Opinion My-Opinion 10 years
wow, what ignorant parents she's got! any parent who brings out an ashtray for the 'i wanna be a slutt drug addict so bad' daughter to flick her weed ashes in don't deserve to be a parent in my opinion!!!!! and them asking YOU to talk to their kid....that's just so stupid, unless your friend wants to quit and get a life, she won't..unless she's bakeracted or something , then i think that's just a few is the obvious answer!
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
An intervention will just piss her off. even sending her to a behavorial health center for addiction to drugs an sexual activity will anger her and fuel the fire. Trust me Ive seen it first hand. She needs to want to change.
yayita yayita 10 years
Intervention!!! At his rate she will end up as a crack-ho, someone needs to step in now.
t0xxic t0xxic 10 years
U cannot help someone that doesnt want to be helped. Ur only gonna end up hurting ur self in the end. Best bet is just to stay away from her. Ive dealt with this for my whole life. My father is addicted to what started out as weed then coke now crack. Trying to help him only hurt me more and being around him only made me more angry. Sorry to say but it is a lost cause. Until she comes around. GL
tra tra 10 years
And I forgot to add...most clinics provide FREE TESTING if you are under 18.
tra tra 10 years
Wait a minute...her parents asked you to talk to her? Why don't they, they are her PARENTS. They are enabling the situation to continue. Your friend should know that she will get an STD if she doesn't insist on condom usage. There are even STDs chlamydia for exmaply that don't present symptoms. If there are, it could be similar to cold symptoms. Even if she is on birth control, she can still get pregnant. I work in family planning and have been to STD conferences and see the teen pregnancy and disease's scary. She can get information on the web as well. has good information. Please stress to your friend that there are family planning clinics where she can go and get tested and most of all get EDUCATED on safe sex. Talk to her parents, tell them that she needs them to talk to her and be strict with her.
pinkangelmonkey pinkangelmonkey 10 years
this is so sad. all i can say is tell her parents! she needs help and if her parents are unaware (somehow) of her behaviors i feel they need to know. she is not imo old enough to make her own decisions. this is hard to give advice b/c i dont know her. i dont know if it would get better or worse if her parents knew and if they are the type to actually do something. i also know you are going to regret not doing anything if something were to happen such as her getting an std or dying from an overdose or the like... follow what you think is right in this situation...i dont know what else to tell you. everyone is different and has different reactions to this situation. my sister didnt get better with the confrontation but a friend did and turned her life around. im sad for you and everyone involved in her life so my prayers are with you!
kylake kylake 10 years
My brother's friend was the same way for years and my brother stood by him the entire time. The friend was into all sorts of drugs and drinking, had long hair that he never cut once in 10 years, and was once found asleep on his parents' front lawn. His friend eventually realised that he wasn't getting anywhere so he dumped his druggie girlfriend, cut his hair short, concentrated on his studies and he now works in museums as an education specialist. Plus he's now engaged to a wonderful woman. I'm so glad my brother stayed friends with him because he's now a great guy, really well-adjusted and successful. Everyone in the friend's family think his turnaround was due to my brother being so clean cut and that it eventually rubbed off on his friend. Who knows? Good luck to you Stacey and I hope your friend also has an epiphany like my brother's friend did.
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