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Would You Buy a House With Your Boyfriend?

Okay, here's the situation. You've been dating this guy for 5 years, and you talk about getting married all the time. You live together. You bought furniture together. You even have a dog together. He spends 4th of July with your family every summer in Vermont. He talks about how many kids you're going to have down the road (he's even picked out names). You know he's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, but the thing is; he just hasn't popped the question yet. You act like you're married, but the fact still remains that you're not.

The lease on your apartment is running out in 6 months, and he's said, "Why don't we get a house together?" Of course, you've always imagined that you'd have a house with him someday, but would you buy one if you weren't married or even engaged yet? Do you feel that there's a certain order in which you do things - i.e., the house coming after the wedding? What do you think?

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SummerFlirts SummerFlirts 9 years
Yes, I would love to buy a home with my boyfriend.
kiwishe kiwishe 9 years
I'm old fashioned and protective of my finances. I would not buy a house with my boyfriend. With my husband - yes, but not with a boyfriend.
nikkie45 nikkie45 9 years
i wouldn't. but if you're smart about it and get some sort of legal agreement about what will happen if you ever do separate, then go ahead. better safe than sorry.
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
Honestly, what the heck is the diference if it was a bad divorce.......rather than a bad break-up. If you are legally bound by property or marriage, everything the same is involved if it isn't friendly. If this man and your relationship with him is meaningful and strong, go for it. My and my B/F have 2 kids one 7, one 1 1/2, own a house together, we've been together for 10 almost 11 years (consistantly with no break-ups).... we are not married (legally) but that is my husband. We will marry, when we want, how we want. I don't even feel the need to get (legally) married. But one day....when the time comes
Beaner Beaner 9 years
I wouldn't. If we were engaged then yes. No ring (commitment) - No house.
the-makeup-blogette the-makeup-blogette 9 years
not a good idea at all!
tralala2 tralala2 9 years
It depends how you feel about marriage. If you are in comfort's arms with that person, you feel like you will be with them for a long time, then what's the rush? There isn't an order, unless you're a cow or sheep. You make your own rules suitable for yourself, be smart and think it over. There are a lot of great couples out there faring better than any married couples. They have shared the same home for decades, unmarried. Marriage can have its place, but does it matter more than the actual bond you have with the person? It's just a social symbol for the bond you already have, and in today's world, it's not a necessary symbol. It might not even be such a positive archetype for that bond, with the divorce rate how it is. It all depends on your perspective, so ask yourself questions.
RedRandom RedRandom 9 years
Not a good idea! That is how lawsuits happen. Relationships a tricky. I have been with my bf for over 4 years and love him but am still too young to get married. If we wanted to move into a house we would not buy it together. You never know what will happen in your relationship.
BRANDYNICOLE730 BRANDYNICOLE730 9 years
I would have no problem with it. In fact, there are plenty of girls doing it now. I hold a belief that you should have a house together before marriage, which I guess is totally backward. However, that is one of the reasons I have not just got married yet, after almost 4 years. We live with my parents, in the house I grew up in, and the house will eventually be mine anyway. Marriage is not that important in this generation, what with all of my friend's parents being divorced, it's not something that appears promising.
lily3484 lily3484 9 years
I am in a very similar situation myself too. I am in a relationship for 5 years and honestly, i am in no rush to get married. I think that weddings cost so much and to have my fam there and things run just how id like i need to wait until i advance in my career. At the moment, I am paying into an apartment that i will never own. So, my bf and i have been talking about buying a condo. I live in NY so the payments for my mortgage would be pretty much what I am paying in rent (everything is so friggen expensive here!) so i feel like this is the right route for me. Why am I going to keep wasting my money away when i can invest it in something. One thing I will definitly do though is make sure both of our names are on EVERYTHING! You never know what the future brings nad being careful is always smart.
misskimmy83 misskimmy83 9 years
One of my best friends bought a house with her boyfriend of 4 years. They're both financially stable and very mature for their age (23 and 25) in fact, they're in the process of buying their second home. They got married a few months after they bought their first house. My friends are the exeption however I'm very against buying a house before getting married because if things go south in the relationship, it can get really messy. I'm even against signing a lease with your boyfriend/girlfriend for an apartment/house. If you're going to live with an significant other, get the lease in one person's name that way if things do not work out, one can leave without being bound to the consequences of breaking a lease agreement.
tati33 tati33 9 years
Wow - I know a friend who did this..but I would be weary...
PJ-PJ-PJ PJ-PJ-PJ 9 years
Bad idea, for all of the reasons stated above! Maybe they should just rent together, until they are married.
Beauty Beauty 9 years
BAD IDEA. Let me tell you about my friend. He dated a girl for eight years, they bought a house... and then they broke up within a year. He wound up buying her share of the house, but it had appreciated, so he wound up refinancing at a rate that he can barely afford. Now he struggles to keep up with the payments. It's just not a good idea.
Marci Marci 9 years
I've seen a lot of couples do this and have it blow up in their face. But I guess as long as both names ae on the mortgage and everything is decided now how to be handled if by any chance there's a split, then yes. It's better to decide on all that stuff while you're still warm and fuzzy with each other because you'll be more reasonable and fair.
leeluvfashion leeluvfashion 9 years
Rent: Yes. Buy: No. I wouldn't take a chance buying a house unless I was in a relationship where we never wanted to be "offically" married. Otherwise I say rent until you are married since if you split things will be messier.
Jennifer777 Jennifer777 9 years
kreenakreena- "if you're not married and if his name is first on the mortgage you are screwed" Uuummm...if both of your names are on the mortgage it doesn't really matter whose is listed first... you both are responsible...bill collectors really don't care about the order... ;-)
Jennifer777 Jennifer777 9 years
ashcwebb- 6 months for common law???? where are you living??? citizenkane- a mortgage is a loan...and two unrelated people can get one together there is just extra paperwork... My husband & I bought our house before we got married (admittedly not that long before we got married- 9 months)and I got my ring 2 1/2 weeks after we closed escrow. Even though the money for the down payment came from him both of our names went on EVERY document. The important thing is to document the money that is put forth for the "house" expenses...and I don't mean the groceries! I mean the down payment, the mortgage payment, the property taxes, HOA fees, and major repairs or renovations... Remember to put stuff in writing...just because you make a verbal agreement saying that you'll pay the HOA if he pays more towards the mortgage does not mean that if something were to happen he would not claim that he put more money into the house... Above all else... LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS!!!!! Trust yourself and read and understand EVERYTHING you sign!!!!!
Novaraen Novaraen 9 years
No way. Not a good idea in the least! Seriously folks...if you have been with someone that long and are talking in the married sort-of way...you should just get married. THEN think about buying a house. Marriage helps to bind the deal together so that one of you cant sneak out on the other or botch things up leaving the other high and dry. I had a bad experience with co-signing for a truck for my ex-fiance. He got the boot from me after cheating and then decided to skip town and not make payments on the truck anymore. They totally came after me and hounded me for the money. Same goes for a house...DO NOT DO IT! Just to be safe.
sparklestar sparklestar 9 years
Thanks for replying. =) Yeah, I've asked to be added to the deeds but that's the level of commitment that he isn't comfortable with. The house deposit was paid for by his parents and there is a document currently being drawn up by a solicitor to protect their investment in this house. He bought the property off his parents you see when they stopped renting to students. The whole situation sucks and I hate the way he is about it. He's being territorial. The only hope I have is getting him to move somewhere else but that's highly unlikely for at least another year. We've been together just over a year so I can understand his hesitation but yeah.. I'll just continue to be slow with the rent. =P I pay it to him in bits every month. Ha.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
Fluffyhelen :hug: If you're paying rent, now you're his tenant and he's your landlord. He's benefiting from the whole thing, mind you. And you're just...a renter. If you'd like to be added to the house's deed, I'd suggest that you tell him that you'd give him half of the down payment he already paid (if you can't come with the cash, I'd suggest, do it in increment, plus the rent you're already paying), if he accepted this proposal, have a paper drawn up by an attorney as well. :) As for the question: NO. NO. NO. Not for me. I'm not buying any property with a bf. I'm just traditional that way. :)
sparklestar sparklestar 9 years
Hum. I live in the house that my boyfriend bought nearly four years ago. I pay a fair share of the mortgage but he refuses to have me added to it because "he isn't ready for that level of commitment yet". I don't know whether to be flattered that he is aware he isn't ready for it or annoyed because I am contributing to a mortgage for a house that I have no owner share in. =) I try not to think about it.
KimmieChronicles KimmieChronicles 9 years
I too am in a similar situation...except for the marriage down the line part. My boyfriend and I agreed that marriage isn't for either of us, and are happy to remain in a committed relationship with each other, just without the government in our business. We too are moving to a new state within a year and are looking at options on either a house or a townhouse. I would definitely say, have a form of contract drawn up and notarized with both you and your boyfriend's signature, clearly laying out everything in case of a change in your relationship. Make sure before you both actually purchase the home that this is something you both agree on. If he does not agree, DO NOT purchase a home until a written agreement can be in place. All to often, women in general are more idealists than realists. We have to protect ourselves, and make sure we do what is in our best interest as well.
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