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Would You Want to Hear From the Other Woman?

Would You Want to Talk to the Other Woman?

One of Jesse James's alleged mistresses, stripper Melissa Smith, sent a letter to Sandra Bullock this week, asking for forgiveness and recommending they talk further "on the phone or in person." It's not just the poor grammar — "I'm sure your [sic] wondering why I’m writing . . ." — that makes this note awkward.

I have to wonder what a mistress hopes to gain from writing a letter like this. Is she really doing it for the sake of the woman she wronged, or just to get it off her chest? Either way, it doesn't seem like Sandra would have much to say to someone who destroyed her marriage, and if she did, I doubt Smith would want to hear it.

I haven't been in this situation, but I bet I'd be focused on either saving the marriage or ending it, and either way I wouldn't be interested in chatting over coffee with the other woman. How 'bout you?

Image Source: Getty
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dexaholic dexaholic 7 years
Anon: In situations such as that you find you are much stronger than you ever could imagine. As I mentioned, we broke up prior to my finding out about his cheating. The reason we broke up was because we no longer loved each other. I was lonely (I know why now), and needed love in my life. It took me a long time to come to that conclusion, three years actually (we were together for a total of 14), so by the time the actual break up happened, I was already deep into my grieving/healing process. However, learning about his cheating, only mere days after, certainly set me back a little. But as his mother told me, and many others, I did nothing to deserve it. I don't have to live with the guilt. He does. And whether it's right or wrong, that makes me feel better. Also, I don't hate him. I always thought I would, but I don't. I hope you never have to go through anything like that, but if you do, know you can handle it and get past it and be a better person because of it!
whats-her-name whats-her-name 7 years
Absolutely, and I have. Though I've never been married, I have been cheated on and I always want to talk to the other woman. I find it gives me closure, rather than flipping through my mental Rolodex of his girl friends wondering "Was it her?"
dexaholic dexaholic 7 years
Btw, we didn't break up as a result of his cheating. I only found out after the fact.
dexaholic dexaholic 7 years
Anon: Yes, we lived together and were actually engaged, though never set a wedding date. How did I not know? I work in an office during the day, he worked retail, usually until close (10:00 or later)... so by the time he got home I was sleeping. Sometimes he would tell me he was meeting up with friends afterwards, or just wouldn't say anything because he knew I wouldn't notice. He was always home when I woke up, so I never really thought anything of it. What kind of advice did his mom give me? Right from the start she was on my side; she couldn't believe her son would ever do anything like that, and she was really sorry that he put me though that. She told me not to believe anything "the other woman" said, and that she would get to the bottom of it with him. She managed to calm me down enough, and she told me non of it was my fault and that I didn't deserve it. In fact, she wouldn't let me off the phone until I said "this is not my fault; I don't deserve this".
dexaholic dexaholic 7 years
Yep, I called HIS mom. We were very close, closer than I was with my own mother. I never expected any other this, I was clueless... so the whole thing shook me, but the phone call was the worst. Knowing that he was with her for over a year, that they were "in love" (her words), that he met her family (while he did everything not to visit mine). They had a relationship, all while I sat at home feeling lonely because he wan't there. I wouldn't say he freaked out when I told him she called me. He was pissed and sorry. He didn't even freak out when I told him I called his mom. He felt really guilty about the whole affair and said he deserves everything he gets. As he should.
dexaholic dexaholic 7 years
KadBunny, I'm glad you clarified! Honestly, I don't believe her. While it's hard to trust my ex and what he says (after everything, I'm sure nobody would blame me), he says that didn't happen, and I chose to believe that. I did confront him about it, but only after I called his mom and told her everything! When he initially told me, I told him I'd leave it to him to tell his parents, but I was so shaken up by that phonecall that I had to call her. When I told him about it, about the call, he was genuinly sorry that she did that and promised me that he would stop it from happening again. She didn't call back.
KadBunny KadBunny 7 years
It was a joke. A very bad one apparently. Sorry I hurt your feelings anonymous! :cry:
KadBunny KadBunny 7 years
You're so selfish dexaholic. She gave up their baby for you!!! Can't you see what a selfless person she was?! :P Seriously though, wow. That's unbelievable.
mix-tape mix-tape 7 years
HELL NO! I don't need to talk to the woman OR the man. They deserve each other and I deserve better!
dexaholic dexaholic 7 years
While I see your point "Ex Other Woman", I had a really hard time believing when "the other woman" told me that she had no idea I existed... I lived with my fiance, she was in our apartment... our ONE BEDROOM apartment. It's hard to trust someone you feel was part of this awful plot to deceive you. Cheaters are cowards. I know mine was. As to no one mentioning saving the relationship, well, I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, cheating was the number one thing we promised we would never do to each other, that if it happened, that was it, there were no second chances.
dexaholic dexaholic 7 years
Exactly KadBunny! They only do it to make themselves feel better. If they sincerely wanted to BE better, they would leave it alone. The hurt and the pain that they cause by trying to absolve themselves of any wrong doing just adds to everything. Oh, and I forgot to mention, she also told me that he got her pregnant and she had an abortion. Now why would I need or want to know that?!
KadBunny KadBunny 7 years
Like tlsgirl said, unless there she really had NO idea at all (which is incredibly unlikely), absolutely not. Why should I give her the chance to lift some guilt off her shoulders? god knows that whether or not the apology is heartfelt, given the chance to say "I'm sorry" to the wife/gf only gives them a sense of "ok, I apologized, I'm not that bad of a person. phew." uh-uh.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 7 years
Naw, not really. I don't need to know if she knew about me and my partner or not. I'd be too busy getting over and moving on instead. But, it has happened to me before. I broke it off with my ex-fiancee, and then he flew out of the country, his other woman went looking for him and found out about me LOL. Funny thing was we ended up being friendly to each other. We got along well. I think she suspected he's already with someone (although he wasn't sharing it with the new people he connected with--well, the last year of our relationship, we were long-distance). But it doesn't matter. I think I hang out with her twice, she visited from the other place. We didn't even talk about my ex-fiancee when we did hang out, we just got along. All I knew was I felt better for breaking it off with my ex-fiancee because he WAS cheating on me (I thought I was paranoid or imagining things).
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
If the other woman was a friend or family member, I probably would. I would have some parting words with her (to break the relationship between us). If she was a strange woman, then no, I would have nothing to say to her.
dexaholic dexaholic 7 years
Not a chance! Though, sometimes the other woman doesn't give you a chance. Sometimes the other woman will call you up, while you are work, and completely blindside you (no pun intended). That's what happened to me. I was so dumbfounded when she said who she was that I just sat there and listened. I listened to her talk about 'how she had no idea that he was with me', how they were together for almost two years, all the places they had sex (including in my car, with a stain to prove it), that she had been in our apartment, that he cheated on her with other people, etc. etc. I hope it made herself feel better, because it sure didn't help me any.
juicebox07 juicebox07 7 years
I have talked to "the other woman" before, but not by choice. She was friends with both my boyfriend and his sister when they "got together". They're still friends, but not as close. It was hard because I wanted nothing more than for her to be out of the picture. Especially since he and I got back together. It doesn't really bother me now though because she lives in another state (and only visits every once in a while), and is about to pop out a baby in a month.
runningesq runningesq 7 years
Oh, absolutely chloe --- I just meant that your SO's disloyalty to you (the general "you" ) "should" be more hurtful than the actions of a stranger. Both are clearly at fault.
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