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Are You Anti-Marriage?

As a little girl, I always knew I'd grow up, meet someone and get married, or at least I always hoped I would. But in this day and age, with the divorce rate so high, I found that some of my friends (men and women), have made the conscious choice NOT to get married. They see marriage as the road to divorce.

These anti-marriage friends aren't young, they aren't angry, and they are definitely not sleeping around. They are actually extremely caring, sensitive and loyal lovers who have had a little too much experience watching couples' relationships fall apart. They are in committed relationships with people who share their feelings about marriage. They don't want to end up in a traumatic divorce, so they just play pretend marriage. They basically do everything married people do --buy a house together, share a bank account, get a dog, even have kids-- but they skip the wedding.

So what do you think? Do you have friends like mine, who see divorce as the next step after the wedding? Do you feel that it's possible to live and love just ONE person for the rest of your life or do you still have faith in the sacred union of husband and wife? I want to know: Do you believe in marriage, or do you think it's doomed from the start?


Chronos14917713 Chronos14917713 4 years
agree with you completely , your share here totally destroy my judgement about woman who always obsessed with marriage..
Robert2491175 Robert2491175 5 years
marriage is just a legal and binding contract between two consenting adult.
Robert2491175 Robert2491175 5 years
Hello, I consider myself anti-marriage personally. Not that i dont like your right to marry but i have obsovered a few things in other marriages that seem so obvious but no one says anything. Ill list a few of those to begin with. 1- Marriage destroys the individual and confers one individuals responsibility to the collective.  English please? Well , you are no loner bob smith when u have credit debt you have the smith's debt even if your partner never had any part of your credit default. You are not known as bob smith by the law but at the Smith's. 2- Marriage restrict your individual right to make your own decisions. Well, this is debatable. I have seen couples who like to "spy" on their significant other and make responses like saying " who is she? " when it is their boss or friend. Distrust is at the root. But it is your right if you decide to sleep with another person and not your wife. If for some reason your wife isnt in the mood , then find someone who is. But with marriage it goes without saying that you own your spouses  sex life and body. It seems your spouse has laid claim to your body and to use it at a whims notice.
Free Free 6 years
There's a rather interesting ebook on Amazon for only .99 cents (right now) called Marriage Without a License. Even if you don't own a Kindle you can read it online. The book, however, explains how marriage has always existed, but legal marriage hasn't. It even explains why so many Christians are wrong in acting as though they are the same thing because legal marriage actually contradicts how marriage is detailed in the bible. It's a really thought-provoking book that everyone on both sides of the argument should read.
hajs5 hajs5 7 years
I myself am anti-marriage. 1. because the divorce system is sexist on property and child custody. 2. because of this property problem it gives incentive for the marriage to be just so the women or man to take half the bread winners stuff. 3. because when it comes to custody issues if you're both cool-headed people the only problems would be through the custody system in the court, and even if the relationship does end badly you won't have the government breathing down your neck, just your ex lol
gigilgirl gigilgirl 8 years
i think they should still try to marry. it'll be hard for the kids to learn that their parents aren't married and that they'd have difficulty dealing with fake papers afterwards. i bet there's a million ways to maintain a marriage by just doing it and not thinking of the possibility of divorce. besides, if you're in a long lasting, loving relationship why would you think of getting divorce afterwards? just because it's expected? i don't think so. i think couples should just finish what they started. you know? how they maintained the relationship before the marriage be carried into the marriage...
emee emee 8 years
who is it really that play pretend marriage, it's those that marry, marriage is just made up by human, and is not in any case necessary unless you like weddings then, and I don't like weddings and will never marry...well, what's really is important is love...sambo is a good thing, but the law should be changed so you can live with whoever(friend, sibling etc.) and still have rights, there should not be any special rights for married people...I don't want a house or kids either, I want to have an apartment and a lot of pets... xemeex is me please remove that comment, thanks
clashctyrkr clashctyrkr 9 years
I know its a little late, but didn't stumble upon this article and response until one of my best friends mentioned to me she was getting married in October... I wanted to leave her a message of well wishes, but in a slightly cynical manner. So I searched "anti-marriage" and read this article which I thoguht was interesting. i'm so appauled at "Lost Cause"'s response though! I am 27, and I married the love of my life at 20. True to this article, things didn't work out. I am not"anti-marriage". I am acutally quite happy for my friend getting married. I think she is very brave in doing this. But what Lost Cause said, really upset me cause- on one end yr saying "what bride OR groom hasn't slept around before marriage?" as if its no big deal or a common situation, but yet, you go on to say "How can one get married and have a family (a sanctuary) when your partners netherregions and previous partners are well known throughout the community in which you live?" which shows yr obviously bothered with this type of situation. Are you kidding me? Yes, we are constantly bombarded with sexual propaganda on a daily basis, but does this make all of us a buncha whores? This only makes a new obstical that we have to deal with. If this doesnt make us whores what does? because I dont want to be committed to man to be sexually fullfilled? should i be limited to a vibrator, my hands, or prayer, up untill i find a committed relationship or someone i deem worthy of marriage to sleep with? Is it so wrong to like sex? is it wrong to like sex with someone you have no emotional attachement with? I dont go around telling guys I like casual sex... for me, its implied if i choose to sleep with them on a first encounter or before I get to know them. I normally sleep with the dude just to "get my rocks off" cuz i'm young, i have no obligations to anybody, and i like the way it feels. I wouldn't sleep with somone i wasnt comfortable with, and I wouldnt be hurt if somone else didnt want to sleep with me, or didnt want to see me after sleeping with me. Does this doom the relationship? I dunno. maybe... but i havent gotten there yet. I havent found somone worth persuing a committed reationship wtih yet. my perception of marriage and love is jaded. I find it perfectly suitable for others, but for me, it feels like too much trouble. People are not gonna go out and cheat on their spouse because Luke cheated on Brenda (old skool 90210!) or because Brad left Jennifer for Angelina! I think that the value of marriage is what has suffered throughout the years and western society. It's sad that its been taken so lightly. I think that the marriage propaganda- if anything is what inspires all to get married in the moment... and end up in divorce. Ironically, after a failed marriage, i ended up working for a program which claims that almost any marriage can be saved. This is a much to bold statement for my taste, but I think to a certain extent, it's true. any two people who have the basic want, physical attraction, and compatability/flexability, can make things work. I'm not talking about physically abusive relationships tho, thats a whole nother ballpark or seriously emotionally wounded or severe cases etc. Feeling safety with yr partner and nurturing that respect and communication is such a simple notion, that I have seen literally change a whole family around, first hand. Knowing what I know now, I dunno if things would have been different with my ex, and I'm not expecting to find somone to be able to love or love me, with the same passion and intensity i loved him. I havent found anyone to spark my interest in that way. I find this convenient cuz i dont gotta deal with relationship drama, but i'm bummed cuz human nature makes you feel lonely.- no matter how many partners you got! (way to go Fonzy!) but if it ever does happen, and (someone manages to find something worth marrying me for!)I'm informed, and happy about a person, if they pop the question, I ... would probably still say no. but I'm not there, and its not now. i'm pessemistic by nature. I dont believe I'd ever make that type of commitment to somone without their guarantee that they will follow through! After being married and it not working out, how can i expect anyone else to? but thats what make marriage so increadibly romantic and sweet. watching people get married is such an honor. being in that position, is a blessing. it isn't just a peice of paper. for me, it was undescribeable. It meant if everything else in the world was gone, dead, fucked up... at least we would go through it, and stick together. As a society, it would be nice if we could raise our children to once again, know that humans, are good. We can cultivate and raise good children who grow to love eachother and value when they come across that person who tehy can trust also loves and respects the same values. UTOPIA??? no, not really, thats an everyday working marriage. NOTHING is perfect, but why else is there sucha strong connection between two people if not for potential commitment? I dont think we are all meant to be married. from the looks of things, i will probably be single for most or the rest of my life. I'm not totally ok with this, but i try to slowly convince myself of this. Being able to wish my fiend happiness in her decision to wed, has been my pleasure, and i wish her the best. I really hope you realize not everyone and everythign is fucked, and maybeyou will be able to show yr lil baby this as well cuz thats the only way she'll know there will be hope for a happy family.
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 10 years
I always thought marriage was not necessary and that it was just a contract. Just thinking of marriage would scare the living daylights out of me. I thought then it was cause I did not wnat to settle just with one person. I think now it was because of my parents relationship and divorce. O Now I am 36 and I think just this year I opened myself to the possibility that I could be marrried but I still find it hard to talk about it. I have lost plenty of men cause they want to have the conversation and I don't. It is actually sad really but am working on it.
esthersim esthersim 10 years
i am very anti-marriage, but if the right man came along MAYBE i'll think about it.
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