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You Asked: Am I Being Unreasonable or Is He Being a Baby?

Dear Sugar,

I've been working at my job for a while now, and my co-workers throw quite a few parties. I haven't gone to any, but there is an upcoming surprise party I want to attend. It's being thrown by a female co-worker for her brother, who also works with us. I told my boyfriend about it and asked if he wanted to come, but when I told him it was for a male co-worker, he got quiet and pouty and acted like I was asking for something unreasonable. I can understand if I told him I was going out with some guy friends and didn't ask him to come along, but this is a work party with a number of guys and girls, and I really wanted him to meet my co-workers. He claims that if the tables were turned, I would be upset too (which I don't think would be the case). I've never cheated on him or given him a reason to distrust me, so am I being unreasonable or is he being a baby? What can I do about it? — Irritated Irene

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Irritated Irene,

It sounds like your boyfriend is just being insecure. Did you catch him at a bad time? Have things been rocky between you two? Does he have something to be defensive about? Since his reaction sounds out of character, I'd talk to him so you can understand what upsets him about this party. Make it clear to him how much you want your co-workers to meet him and reiterate the innocence of this party.

Since I'm not privy to all facets of your relationship, I can't say who is being unreasonable here, but I don't think your request was the least bit out of line. Get to the bottom of his insecurity and his current trust issues, as there might be a deeper problem going on that he's been unable to bring up. Hopefully a good heart-to-heart will clear the air. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
lexichloe lexichloe 8 years
He's being a big baby, w/ obvious security probs.
snowysakurasky snowysakurasky 8 years
i thought i was bad with jealousy, but this guy takes the cake. that said, you might want to humor him this time, but definitely talk about it
thelorax thelorax 8 years
I don't think he necessarily has "issues" though. I can't think of a single guy I know that doesn't just get in funky moods sometimes (really though, don't we all?) and if you catch them in one they can overreact or lash out at you. I do think he's being silly, assuming there isn't some deep dark history about you misbehaving at male coworkers' parties ;-)
cubadog cubadog 8 years
Your BF is a huge baby. He needs to get over it, I could understand if you were going to a restaurant known for romance but it is a work party and you invited him.
Renees3 Renees3 8 years
I don't think people are berating the boyfriend, she specifically asked if it was her being unreasonable or him being a baby. Even if it is some underlying issues that are causing his reaction, it's immature. For him to just pout and get all quiet I think shows that he has some insecurity issues. They need to talk and figure out whats causing his problems, but I still think she should go to the party, with or without him. Having relationships outside of your significant other is important and building relationships with co-workers is too.
DDL DDL 8 years
WHOA WHOA WHOA, can we please stop berating this woman's poor boyfriend. Now even though I happen to agree that he is being unreasonable, I still think you should talk to him and hear his side of the story. Maybe his insecurity or jealousy is deeply rooted to a different situation. Since he is your boyfriend, you should give him the benefit of the doubt and just talk it through and try to respect what he wants. Don't forget, it's him that you come home to everyday and who cares about you the most, not your co-workers.
Ninabear218 Ninabear218 8 years
That is just plain childish. If this is exactly what happened there is no reason for acting like that, if there are others peices to the story that we are not hearing, thats different.
thelorax thelorax 8 years
Oh that's silly, you invited him to come with you!! I think as long as you invited him up front - not after he got pouty - then you have nothing to feel bad about. Just be extra affectionate and attentive to him & he should snap out of it. Guys get in weird moods sometimes, maybe you caught him in one.
gooniette gooniette 8 years
Do you talk about this particular male coworker more than others? Sounds like he's jealous. Or maybe he just doesn't want to meet your coworkers...
CYL CYL 8 years
He sounds insecure for sure, but it seems like its oddly unreasonable, are you sure there is nothing else going on? Like sugar said, did you just have a fight? But if its nothing, he does sound very immature and insecure with your relationships with other males.
bluestar bluestar 8 years
He sounds way insecure. You even invited him to go! Why don't you two just sit home and watch movies instead and never hang out with anyone again. LOL...just kidding.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
sounds like he's trying to pick a fight. anything else going on right now in your relationship that's unresolved?
Marni7 Marni7 8 years
hmm sounds very immature! you even invited him to the party and he is acting like this? Are you even allowed to maintain frienships with people of the opposite sex???
luckyme luckyme 8 years
I'm sorry, but you are dating a child.
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
I didn't hear a problem...something must be missing.
TidalWave TidalWave 8 years
yeah, that's pretty insecure of him. I would go even if he doesn't want to.
LikeThoseShoes LikeThoseShoes 8 years
he's being a damn baby! i dont see any problem with attending a party for a male co-worker... ESPECIALLY because you invited him and actually want him to meet the people you work with. he needs to think things through before he gets all huffy and puffy about this sort of thing. sounds like your boyfriend is a bit immature. just let him know how much it would mean to you if he attends. if he still wont budge its probably time you look for something else because getting angry over something like a work party is just rediculous and i personally think he's acting completely ignorant.
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