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You Asked: Am I Expecting Too Much Too Soon?

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year now. We got together while I was still with my previous partner, something that I'm not proud of, but everyone involved has come to terms with it and we've all moved on. I was
with my ex for five years, and marriage was always top of mind for me, but I realized we were not meant to be. Now that I'm with my new boyfriend, I still have those nagging feelings. I am so in love with him and I really feel that we are perfect for each other, however he's had a failed engagement, so he's naturally scared about making a mistake again.

I understand his need to be cautious, but I want more assurance that I'm not going to have to wait another five years to get married. When I try to talk to him about it, we don't get far — he just says that he eventually wants to get married, but he never gives me a straight answer on timing. Am I expecting too much too soon? I just want to know that I'm not going to be waiting forever and that he's not going to be too scared because of his past experience. Help! — Jumping the Gun Gina

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Jumping the Gun Gina,

Getting engaged is a funny thing; once you have your mind set on it, it's hard to let it go, but putting too much pressure on your boyfriend could end up backfiring on you if he's simply not ready. While I understand your need to get reassurance in your relationship, asking for a set time might be asking for too much. I'm hearing you when you say you don't want to wait again, but as hard as it might be, you must separate your past relationship from this one — just as you want him to do.

If I were you I'd have a calm heart to heart with your boyfriend about your future — get the answers you need to feel secure in the relationship, but if you're not ready to give him an ultimatum, I suggest you go easy on the wedding talk. When the time is right, it'll happen for you, so in the meantime, try to enjoy the relationship you have now.


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