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You Asked: Am I Foolish to Believe My Boyfriend?

Dear Sugar--

I've been going out with a guy for 10 months now. I'm crazy about him, he is everything I would describe as my perfect man. We met in a pub and I'm so glad I went out that night or I would never have known him. I know I am quite a needy person and am able to live happily being single but it makes me feel complete when I have a man to look after me. We live about 3 hours apart because I'm studying at a University.

My problem is that my boyfriend has a really close relationship with a female friend, they see each other every day and she is forever calling and texting. When we first started dating he worked for this girl and since leaving that job about 2 months ago, they have become best friends. They work in the same city so they see each other everyday on their lunch breaks. They have their own inside jokes and she has cute pet names for him.

When I'm away at school, I get so paranoid and I'm worried that I might be over-reacting. I'm afraid he is closer to her than me. I have hinted to him, questioning why they have suddenly become such good friends and he joked and teased me asking if I was jealous. When he realized I wasn't finding it funny, he sat me down and was quite serious. He told me that he has never loved anyone more and he would never do anything to hurt me. He said if he found himself falling for someone else or falling out of love with me, than he would be honest and tell me.

He's not very open with his feelings so when he told me all this, I really believed him. But am I foolish to trust him or am I being stupidly paranoid?? I need some way to stop this intense feeling of panic and helplessness when I think of them together. I feel confident that he wouldn't cheat on me but I feel if he was closer to her than me, that would hurt me just as much. What do I do? Please give me some guidance to stop me from going insane!

--Jealous Jenny

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Jealous Jenny--

If I were dating someone who spent a lot of time with another girl, I'd be jealous too! Your feelings are justified, and combined with missing him; this long distance relationship is going to be really hard on both of you. It's great that you're communicating with your boyfriend about his female friend - I bet he'd be jealous too if you had a similar relationship with a guy friend that he didn't know.

If he has been honest with you for your entire relationship, you shouldn't doubt him when he says he loves you and would never cheat on you. How long are you going to be studying at the University? Do you think you can deal with being apart for that long? Relationships shouldn't be causing you more pain than pleasure, so if you're feeling disconnected from him, could you plan more frequent visits? Or could he? Have you met his female friend? Perhaps putting a face to the name could help you put some of your fears to bed.

Long distance relationships are so tough, and while you can't get upset with your boyfriend for having other friends, you also can't help the way that you feel. You might want to think about taking a little break from dating each other until you are done with school and are able to move closer to him. After that time apart, if you're meant to be together, you'll know for sure. Good luck Jenny!


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