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You Asked: Am I Running in Circles?

Dear Sugar--
I met this guy 4 years ago online and we hit it off really well. 3 months in I told him that I would like to take this to the next level meaning boyfriend, girlfriend status since we constantly hung out and hooked up to which he told me that he wasn't ready for a girlfriend. Knowing this, I should have walked away then. We spend a lot of time together, spend all of the holidays together, I have even met his family and go to his family's house quite often. Even his family assumes we are together, but he has made it clear to me that we aren't.

When I asked him again about being exclusively together, he just gives the same excuse saying he really likes me but is afraid things wouldn't work out. This has been going on 4 years and I am in love with him and have invested so much of my life and myself into him, but I am getting tired of this charade. What do I do? --Sick and Tired Tanya

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Sick and Tired Tanya--

I think you already know the answer to your question. You're allowing your guy friend to have his cake and eat it too. While you are close "friends", you need to be honest with yourself and realize that you are selling yourself short here. This man sounds extremely selfish and you deserve much more.

Although you are in love with this man and want nothing more than to be together, it sounds as though he has made it very clear that he is not interested in being in a relationship. Is he dating other people? Are you? It is very easy to fall into the trap of a faux relationship when you're as involved in each other's lives as two you are, but in turn, you are closing yourself off to other opportunities out there.

As hard as it might be, you must break away from this relationship. Being friends with benefits is very risky and leaves a whole lot of room for confusion and heartache. While your friend's actions may be different than his words, I think it is clear that he isn't ready to be tied down. Good luck.


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