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You Asked: Am I Too Clingy?

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little less than nine months. During the first few months, he was crazy about me and I could really tell how much he loved me. Now I can never get him to say he loves me on his own, I have to say it first. He used to not be able to keep his hands off me, and now I'm the one that's always wanting to touch him. I want things to go back to being the way they were; I want to feel like he loves me again. What can I do? Am I being too needy? Too clingy? — Needing Attention Natalie

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Dear Needing Attention Natalie,

All relationships go through cycles. Relationships also have a honeymoon phase, which almost always dies down once each person gets comfortable with the other. Now that isn't to say that you should all of a sudden feel unloved, so talk to your boyfriend; perhaps he's being distant because he's feeling stressed out with work, or maybe he just wants to feel your love for a change!

While being clingy is a completely normal reaction when someone pulls away from you, it can actually have the reverse effect. Being too needy can be annoying, which could in turn provoke your boyfriend to seek out his space even more. So ask him what's bothering him. Ask him if he needs you to do anything differently, and tell him how you're feeling. I'm sure he's not purposely trying to make you feel less loved, but if he doesn't know how his actions are making you feel, he'll never know he has to change them. Hopefully a good heart-to-heart will get you two right back on track!


Kat-E Kat-E 8 years
You know, my boyfriend and I went through this at one pointand I wouldn't let him get away with not talking about it...which in its own right can be annoying too, but I finally got answers! He was feeling REALLY stressed about work but was trying to hide it because he didn't want to stress me out, and he needed space - which, by the way, is another word for "personal time to take care of one's self," when the relationship is healthy, and NOT "I am thinking about leaving you." That last epiphany took awhile to sink in for me. I realized that my worrying about his distance was actually a result of my own insecurities and I started going to counseling. I cross my fingers because we never know what the future holds, but we have been A LOT happier since then.
AlexE70 AlexE70 8 years
When relationships are fresh, you're both in that touchy/feely phase. And it's a great phase to be in. However, as time goes on, either both of you or one of you reach a level of comfort where that affection and attention you once showed is simply expected by the other. That can lead to one of you being taken for granted, or to you feeling like you're being taken for granted. It's best to not let this happen, if you can avoid it, by talking often and openly. The worst thing in the world is to discover that although you thought differently for a long time, you're actually the only one in a relationship.
iSINforfun iSINforfun 8 years
I'm going through the same thing right now but what I've come to realize is that it's a matter of needing space. It's cute at first, because you're going through the honeymoon phase, but after a while men don't like to be super mushy. Don't take his lack of "mushiness" to the heart.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Clingy is bad enough, too clingy? don't even go there with me. I doubt he cares about you any less, its just that some get tired of constantly being in close quarters with someone. Let him breath.
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
I think some men are a bit insensitive so just follow CYL above you should be alright (well to be honest either he's gone off you or he's insensitive)
CYL CYL 8 years
Just talk to him..tell him how you feel. It happened with my bf a while back. He was just stressed out with work and family life and we were fighting every now and again because of the first two reasons. So he was just so stressed out he couldn't be very affectionate.
Ac2366 Ac2366 8 years
I agree with the honeymoon phase statement but I don't think that it's right to get so comfortable with your partner that you start taking him/her for granted. Maybe he just got to know you over the past 9 months and he's not totally thrilled with you like he was when you first met. When you meet someone new you are so infatuated with the person that they can do no wrong. Maybe he's just not that into you anymore. You could talk to him about it but I wouldn't expect him to change. I wouldn't want to be with someone who had the TRY to make me feel loved. It should just come through naturally.
Chrstne Chrstne 8 years
I am in the same position, however, we have been together going on two years. I have tried speaking to him about it, about maybe showing more affection, but he says he "can't change his personality" -- which I am not asking. Anyway, talk to him about it, I know men don't do it on purpose, but don't get high hopes and think it's going to change immediately, or even after a few months...
kiwitwist kiwitwist 8 years
I agree with Dear...
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