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You Asked: Am I Too Edgy?

Dear Sugar,

I'm your average 22-year-old rocker guy, but when it comes to dating, I seem to be lacking something. I meet my fair share of women and have no problems talking with them casually, but I can't seem to close the deal, so to speak. I've been told by women in the past that I'm too "dangerous" not the "marrying type." I don't think I'm intimidating, so is it my tattoos that are making me unapproachable? I have a steady job, I have a great relationship with my family, and I consider myself to be pretty well-rounded, so what gives? — Totally Baffled Billy

To see DearSugar's answer

.

Dear Totally Baffled Billy,

It sounds to me like you simply haven't met the right woman yet. Sure, tattoos aren't for everyone, but some women find them incredibly sexy! If that's what you really think is giving off the wrong impression, you could just be dating people that are too closed-minded for you. While many women are attracted to safe, conservative men, that type isn't for everyone — I happen to think a little verve is a huge turn-on!

You sound like a decent guy so try not to get too discouraged. Keep putting yourself out there, keep being yourself, and in due time, you'll meet a match that's perfect for you. Good luck!

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oscillatewildly oscillatewildly 8 years
You might attract women who also have tattoos so I hope there's no double standard going on - likeness attracts. I have 3 fairly large tattoos and my husband has none, it's not his thing but he doesn't begrudge me for getting them (he's in a rockin' band so it definitely fits the 'scene'). Tattoos can be trashy or classy, same for the person that got them. I think they're mainstream enough to not be a huge hindrance unless you're unusually attracted to say, librarians or accountants (or any other reserved, risk-averse group).
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
First off , no dude who is really truly "edgy" would be writing dearsugar for advice, SO i think that YOU think you are too dangerous and edgy and the women who have told you those things are just picking up on your fakeness and general douchebaggery. I have known tons of guys who reek of being disingenuous but they think no one likes them because the are too much to handle. Quit the act, tattoos dont automatically qualify you as "cool" or "different"
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
i've found that guys with full sleeves are really actually some of the nicest and most sincere guys out there, it's just a matter of getting past that. a lot of girls think that it's a rebel rocker thing rather than a self expression thing. i feel like you'll find the right person when the time is right and they will see past the art and realize you are great for you.
BeachBarbie BeachBarbie 8 years
Maybe, some women are getting mixed messages about you from what they grew up hearing. I'm thinking if you've got a lot of tats and look like a rocker most women, who want a serious relationship, need to be told that you hold down a very good steady job (a profession if you will) and that family values and your family is very important to you. I would get these two facts out in the beginning of a conversation when talking to a lady you would like to be serious with. Btw., I think a lot of ladies think, the two things I mentioned, unconsciously. You sound like a really great guy. But remember, unconsciously ladies look for good mates...financial security (or have a profession where they know you can always find work), family oriented (as in, would you be a good father and husband), trustworthy, loyal and of course extremely loving, etc. Trust me, you'll find the girl of your dreams. It just takes some time and happens when you least expect it. :)
cherryblossom cherryblossom 8 years
If this is really your personality you shouldnt have to change for ANY girl. Its just wrong to have to change yourself and the way you want to express yourself at any age just to please someone of the opposite sex. If you keep at it I'm more than positive that you will find a girl who would want you to keep just as you are.
LilLucyT21 LilLucyT21 8 years
I agree with the general comments said, girls are being too judgemental, you need somebody to see past the exterior. She's out there, keep trying :)
MisterPinkNoTip MisterPinkNoTip 8 years
Also, ia with McSquish and CozmoMeg86, you sound like a catch.
MisterPinkNoTip MisterPinkNoTip 8 years
Trust me, there are plenty of rocker girls out there looking for you. Try meeting women in different places or going for a different type. Haha ThePerfectSco, ia, and I think it's cute.
CozmoMeg86 CozmoMeg86 8 years
I agree with McSquish! I'd kill to meet a guy like you. You sound like a great guy. Don't waste your energy wondering why these women think you are wrong for them when I'm sure there's a woman who is going to like you and your tattoos somewhere.
khadeekiinsz khadeekiinsz 8 years
My bf is a rocker guy. And I love him. So idk, you don't seem bad, rocker dudes always have good conversations. Chill out dude, you'll find the right chica
Seka21 Seka21 8 years
You are fine the way you are. Noone of us are like our exterior.. soon you will find a woman who will like and love every bit of you and not judge you for a tattoo or 6.
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 8 years
the fact that you are asking "Dear Sugar" for advice means that you are in fact NOT edgy. So I think you are the marrying type.
McSquish McSquish 8 years
Omigosh! If only I could meet a guy like you! Edgy, tattoos, steady and has a great relationship with his family? Come on, you're a catch! Well, at least in my book. I know some people can be close minded. You'll find the right gal, just keep trying and don't give up.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
And seriously, WAIT for that perfect fit because it will come along! You might be 28, or 30... but there is someone for everyone, and you will know when she comes along. She will love you for *you* just the way you are.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Damn, you sound like the kind of guy every girl wants to find!! My guess is that 22-year-old women just want to date around (well, I did, at least). Don't worry, there's a rocker girl out there for you somewhere. You might also consider trying to chat up different "types" of ladies (in case you are going for a certain type who's not into your style or something). Don't worry and please, be yourself!!!
tamint tamint 8 years
im married to a "rocker" thats part of what attracted me to him! he's the greatest guy in the world.
sabrinaland sabrinaland 8 years
Half the guys I've dated have had tattoos. They are no different from anyone else. You just haven't met the right girl. You sound nice, so just keep being the nice person you are and the right girl will notice. It is worth the wait. :)
aimeeb aimeeb 8 years
You are who you are and you shouldn't have to change for anyone. Always remember that!! you just haven't met the right girl, I know PLENTY of rocker guys who are married and/or have great marriage potential it's all about your attitude not being judged on how you look. If these woman can't pick up on that then they are far too immature for you.
aimeeb aimeeb 8 years
I don't find anything wrong with it. I love tattoos and have always dated guys that were somewhat edgy. I can not deal with that average type of guy that every girl seems to want to date/marry. Same boring hair cut, same boring clothes and lack of style, same boring hobbies and interest-sports, drinking and more sports. Sorry but I've always loved the more edgier guys and unlike some could never marry an average guy. That to me is unacceptable...
jazzytummy jazzytummy 8 years
Le romantique, your comments are great! I am trying to get over a musician right now, so I can totally relate to your posts!
le-romantique le-romantique 8 years
Completely agree with Jazzytummy... You just make everything sound so much better, when I write comments, I sound like an asshole. hahaha
jazzytummy jazzytummy 8 years
I think that it might not seem fair, but many women ARE going to judge you because of your tattoos, just like many women won't go out with an overweight or balding guy...it just turns some people off. Also, many of us when we were younger, like le romantique said, have dated the edgy rocker dudes because they were fun, but not necessarily the type of guy you would marry. Men obviously do this too, date hot, slutty chicks to get laid, but won't take that girl home to meet Mother. Some of us associate the tattoos with those characteristics that we are familiar with from our youth, and we simply grow out of them. Not fair, but it's true. You just need to find the right girl who won't judge you. Don't know if I would describe yourself as a "rocker guy", though. That has connotations that might leave women thinking that you are not very serious about relationships, because, let's face it, lots of those guys whore around.
lexib0t lexib0t 8 years
For some people it's a matter of taste in men/women. Tattoos are just another part of looks and some people don't like that look. I love tattoos on a guy and I love that my fiance has them with plans for many more. It's just like how some guys classify girls with tattoos as trashy, some girls classify guys with them as 'too dangerous'. It's a stereotype that you have to break through. Some women won't see past that though and you should move on from them. Find a woman who loves you for who you are, ink and all.
bethinabox bethinabox 8 years
I agree that you probably just haven't met the right girl yet. I have a close guy friend who so far has 2 tattoos (one on each arm) and is planning on getting more, but he is one of the most responsible people I know, is definitely the marrying type and I think any girl would be lucky to be with him. So don't give up hope. :)
le-romantique le-romantique 8 years
I also agree with dear, in a sense, I didn't want to come off the wrong way, I work in the entertainment business around musicians all the time, so to me, its just a turn off. Should have specified.
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