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You Asked: Can I Call Dibs on a Wedding Dress Even Though I'm Not Engaged?

You Asked: Can I Call Dibs on a Wedding Dress Even Though I'm Not Engaged?

Dear Sugar,

Like a lot of girls out there, I have already figured out what kind of wedding I want even though there's no groom just yet! Well, my close friend is getting married and while surfing some of the more popular wedding planning websites, I showed her my "dream" dress. She fell in love with it too and now says that it's her "dream" dress as well.

I know I don't own the dress or the design, and that anyone can buy it, but I can't help but feel shocked, crushed, and even betrayed by her. Granted I am not getting married anytime soon, but when it comes to wedding dresses, I often hear women say, "You'll know it's the one when you see it" and I KNOW! What should I do? Should I say something or am I crazy for thinking this way? — Jumping the Gun Gwen

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Jumping the Gun Gwen,

I don't think you're crazy for feeling like you've found your dress — I've said that too a few times with no engagement ring in sight — but one thing to remember is your gown will most likely change depending on the groom and the location of your wedding. Also, keep in mind that trends change as the years go on so if you're not planning on getting married any time in the near future, what you think is your dream dress now might actually be something completely different in a few years.

With that said, I understand how frustrating it must be for your friend to hijack your dream gown. Just because she's getting married first doesn't give her the right to take away something you've always wanted, but you're right — you don't own the dress just yet. While you have every right to be irritated, make sure this is a fight worth fighting before bringing it up. You can also look at this situation another way; if this dress does remain your dream dress, when it's your turn to walk down the aisle, use hers — it sure will save you a lot of money!

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Indigo4320 Indigo4320 9 years
The name in the SATC episode where Charlotte has her baby name stolen wasn't Stella, it was Shayla.
justanerd1975 justanerd1975 9 years
every girl plans out her wedding in her head at least since she is 9 or 10, I don't care what anyone says... anywho, I would tell her sorry but this is my dress and help her find her own. Dang, what else is she going to do name her baby the name youv'e always planned on first, go to your dream vacation spot first, buy the car you said you wanted, try to steal the guy you said you were getting serious with? lmao, I may be getting ahead of myself here. You can tell I have known a girl or two who was like this, but your friend just likes your dress choice. Still, tell her no if you hate the idea of it.
Bettyesque Bettyesque 9 years
You are cute Gwen.. Im the same way but I have to agree with Ema it that I keep things like this to myself. I mean shoot I cant stand if a friend says wow thats cute and then comes out one night wearing the same top lol. I can imagine a wedding dress. PS Im right there with ya girl, no marriage plans in sight however its all planned out in my mind :rotfl: Good Luck!
mcjuga mcjuga 9 years
Do yourself a favor, and don't ruin the experience of finally getting to try on and pick out a dress until it's time. It's so much fun, when you have an open mind and are willing to try on different things. They all look different on than in the ads and you really don't know until you try. You will know the one when you have it on. Wait and then you can really enjoy it.
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
lol jkat- "but I found THE dress I've been dreaming about since I was five...it's off-white, strapless, it's very modern and has clean lines, but there is some subtle beading. It's PERFECT and there is no other dress like it ANYWHERE."
jkat jkat 9 years
Also, within in several basic styles and shapes, aren't all wedding dresses pretty much the same anyway? I could probably go to two weddings two weekends in a row, and not notice the brides were wearing the same dress if it was within the "standard set" of bridal gown styles.
jkat jkat 9 years
I am always shocked by women who have planned "their" wedding when they aren't even dating anyone. Isn't the wedding about BOTH people? Obviously the dress is up to the bride, but it usually complements (or dictates) the rest of the wedding - which should be based on mutual decisions made by the bride and groom. If I was a man and found out a woman had already planned my wedding day without taking anything I wanted into consideration I would be freaked - and upset. It's one thing to dream, but it's another thing to not even consider your groom's plans. Bridezillas freak me out. Also, who are all these people who are pissed at their friends for buying the same or similar stuff? That's so weird...Who care? Worst thing that can happen is that you wear it on the same day, which would probably be funny and a great conversation starter.
cmd0610 cmd0610 9 years
Don't ruin your friend's wedding by claiming the dress- you don't want that to come back to you when it's your turn- how would you feel in her shoes? Plus is it weird (from an about to be bride's perspective ..) for you to pick a dress before you are even engaged!!!!!!!!! A few dress suggestions from my experience for when you are at that point 1) How a dress looks online isn't how it will look in the store or on you 2) You don't know it's the dress when you SEE it- you know it's the one when you TRY IT ON
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 9 years
It's a dress, wear a different one at your wedding.
cally8980 cally8980 9 years
You guys are being rather harsh. She asked whether or not she was being ridiculous, you don't have to hit her over the head. I, for one, think that her friend was beat up. A wedding dress is a huge deal. I would be mad and I'm not even into weddings that much.
lilren lilren 9 years
Advising someone that they can wear their friend's wedding dress at their own wedding is ridiculous. It's a once-in-a-lifetime dress -- who would want to show up in something that their friend has already worn?
Fisme-Nasu Fisme-Nasu 9 years
I was sixteen sixteen years ago. Do you know how much styles have changed since then? :) Eh, your friend choosing the dress you love is a non-issue. If she chose the GUY you love, that's a different story.
jemmanyc jemmanyc 9 years
Hey Girl! As a newly engaged gal (he proposed on the 4th of July!) I will say, don't stress over this. Seriously if you both like the same dress, whatever!! Trust me I have changed my mind tons of times on what kind of dress I want, and now that I'm engaged I have a new "dream dress". And I'm sure when I go dress browsing it will change again. I could almost guarantee that you're going to change your mind over and over again-all my girlfriends did! Just let your friend be an idiot and claim the dress..seriously the chances of you still loving that dress by the time you get engaged are pretty slim. And if you do both end up wearing the same dress-your wedding will be way after hers, and most people won't even remember that you wore the same. And you could always change up the accessories and style it differently. Think about it-if Carrie and Charlotte wore the same dress on 2 separate occasions, would it look exactly the same? I think not.. Good luck and let your girlfriend be ridiculous. Trust me being engaged is the greatest feeling in the world, be a good friend and let her have her moment.
TidalWave TidalWave 9 years
@sarahPuffy: uh, i can't tell what brand of mascara someone is wearing! why couldn't you two just get the same kind of mascara? that seems kinda childish to care about something as unnoticeable as that. along with the immaturity of calling your friend's mother to get a shirt back. /just sayin'
xoxoxx xoxoxx 9 years
I know the feeling. Hell, once I told a "friend" what mascara I wanted to buy, and she bought it the same damn day, and rubbed it in my face because I had to buy a cheaper, no name mascara. How childish can you get? She's also the same person that took two of my shirts out of my bag when I went to her house, and she had pics up on her myspace wearing her "new shirts" - I had to call her mum, and her mum found them both hidden, and she both of them back to my house [the "friend" said she only had ONE of my tops...hmph]. Dude, if you don't want people taking your "thing," [or your fucking clothes without asking] then don't share it with the world. But in your situation, let it go. You'll find another dress that will be even MORE stunning. Don't sweat it!
ShePirate2010 ShePirate2010 9 years
lol im 16 and im already looking for mine! lol
Blackwood Blackwood 9 years
I have a lot of things that my friends have, or borrow things from them, or borrow other things to them. This happens mostly with music, and it's actually good a good thing because you can share cds, info, etc. last year, I showed a band to a friend by november, and the 1st of march we went to their concert together, if it weren't for her, I would have had to go alone! So to me, it's actually a good thing... really! I mean, maybe in certain aspects it can get on your nerves a bit, but you manage that like a grown up and get over yourself! I mean... who thinks they're really that awesome so that other people want to be like them? (except maybe celebrities, in which case it can be true) That's so vain and totally not admirable! I wouldn't want to be like someone like that! :P
Meike Meike 9 years
I smell immaturity. Grow up and take into consideration there are new wedding dresses every season. You might find something better later on.
emalove emalove 9 years
That's why I keep things like this to myself!
plasticapple plasticapple 9 years
My sister is like you are. If I happen to have the same song as her on my iPod she makes a big deal about me stealing her music. Or she claims green was her favorite color first, stupid things like that. I'm not going to not have/do certain things just because she does them too. That's silly. It's so annoying and immature. Besides, that dress might not even still be available when you get married...or it might be out of style...or maybe your taste will change. You just never know. Let her enjoy her dress.
carak carak 9 years
@likethoseshoes: i was gonna say the same thing! if you're gonna be that much of a bridezilla, you never should have shown the dress to your friend. people take other people's ideas all the time. hope you learned your lesson! cause you can't 'claim' a dress if you aren't even engaged.
AujahAcorn AujahAcorn 9 years
I have never been into the -You cant get it if I have one- thing. who cares? all of my friends take each other style and incorporate into there own. that's how the world works. If you still like the dress when its your time to get hitch.... just get it! trust me when I say, no one at your wedding will think "oh my gosh... Sara had that same dress 4 years ago" I mean really.....
gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
dear...just tell her how flattered you are the she chose the dress YOU suggested...make a huge deal about how she FOLLOWED YOUR ADVICE...she will drop it in a second...no selfish bride wants to be told what to do...and no selfish bride wants anybody else "stealing" the spotlight. Keep in mind tho...when the time comes...that dress might not be "the" dress for you.
Francoisehardly Francoisehardly 9 years
Sorry but I might be a little annoyed about someone picking the same thing I picked and I think some responses are kind of rude. If I ever get married though, I might not pick a bridal dress in the first place though since being in a bridal store makes me feel bored out of my mind. But like other people said it might not even seem that great when you actually try it on and you might find a dress you like more later. Just don't tell anyone about it. :wink:
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
geebers---its was "shayla" LOOOL girl, ur not even engaged from now until u do im sure there will be more amazing dresses out there i had a "dream" dress in mind and ended up falling in love with one that i would initially never think of. i miss my dress :( i wanna wear it again :( oh yea....so be happy for her...but i'd probably pipe in somewhere along the line "u do know u stole my wedding dress, right" kinda like a joke but not a joke ;)
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