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You Asked: Can I Exclude One of Our Friends?

Dear Sugar,

I organized a Secret Santa among a group of friends this year. On exchange day, everyone received something and it went off well, however, one participant received a gift that she clearly didn't like. She complained publicly about every aspect of the gift and her Secret Santa was quite upset by this. I'll be organizing the event again next year and I wanted to ask you if it would be OK to exclude this girl. And if so, how would I go about doing that? — Poor Manners Molly

To see DearSugar's answer


Dear Poor Manners Molly,

I'm sorry to hear that your friend was disappointed in her gift; it sounds like she had a base case of speaking before thinking. While I'm sure her reaction made everyone at the gift exchange uncomfortable, I don't think it's your place to say anything — the woman whose gift she was bashing should let her know how it made her feel.

I don't blame you for not wanting to include her next year, but realize that leaving her out could hurt her feelings and possibly affect your friendship. Hopefully, after a little chat between your two friends, she'll realize how inconsiderate her words were and that it's really the thought that counts, not the gift.


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