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You Asked: Can I Force Matters of the Heart?

Dear Sugar,

I have been single for two years now and it's starting to take its toll on me. I have had my fair share of guys interested, but it's been my lack of interest in them that's causing me to remain unattached. I have also not been in a serious relationship in a long time; I am totally over all my exes so what's wrong with me? Why don't I give these guys a chance? One of them is the son of a friend of my dad's — I adore him, but don't find him physically attractive yet I enjoy spending time with him because he makes me feel good. I try to convince myself to take it to the next level with him, but I just can't do it! Do you have any advice for me? — Single Sonia

To see DearSugar's answer


Dear Single Sonia,

Let me first start out by saying that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you; you just haven't met someone that sparks your interest yet, that's all! As you've learned from spending time with your friend, you can't force yourself to feel a certain why, so instead of pushing for something that just isn't there, accept him for what he is — a friend.

You don't have to be in one relationship after another so just be patient with yourself and trust that when the time is right, and when you're faced with the right person, something could blossom into that relationship you're longing for. In the meantime, keep in mind that holiday parties are a great place to meet people, so continue to keep you eyes open and make sure you're approachable! Good luck.


kh61582 kh61582 8 years
You can't force love and you sure can't force sexual attraction. I'm either the best person to give you this advice or the worst since right now I'm still with my boyfriend of 4 years and all of my sexual attraction to him is completely gone. Plus I'm still hung up on an ex. I've really tried to make it work and get that feeling back but I just can't. I can't quite figure out how to break up with him because he's a REALLY overly sensitive guy. Trust me, you don't want to be in my shoes so don't put yourself in that position or you'll regret it.
rellicDragon rellicDragon 8 years
Similar situation ... Best advice, go out and try to date men ... Except can't really tell you where to meet men ... As I havent been able to come up with it either ... Smile always n you will never know when you run into someone :) and there is a spark ...
mydiadem mydiadem 8 years
I agree with Muirnea, don't force it but if you want to do something proactive then put yourself out there! I have friends that have a really hard time meeting guys, and its because they aren't approachable (they look angry, stuck up, or shy in social situations). Work on being approachable and give some guys you meet a chance! Not everyone is perfect in the first or even second date, if you feel like there could be more than go on that third date. Be open, and you'll meet the right guy when you least expect it.
laceymace laceymace 8 years
Na, ya gotta wait for the real thing.
Muirnea Muirnea 8 years
I agree with everyone else. No, you can't force matters of the heart. And there is nothing wrong with being single. Good for you for having high standards! :) But since you don't want to be single...maybe you could make sure and get yourself out there more. Try new things, go to lots of holiday parties like dearsugar said, join a club, just get out and do things, go to a coffee shop, etc. etc. That way you would have a better chance of meeting that special someone. Also, you didn't really say if you're dating or not, you just said you haven't been in a serious relationship. So, if you aren't dating very much, then get to it! Even if a guy doesn't seem all that great at first, at least give him the chance of one date, you don't have to get serious after that if you don't want to, but you will meet tons of people and have some fun while waiting for Mr. right. Just enjoy being single, get out and do everything you want to do without having to worry about another person! Being single isn't so bad, and you get to flirt with any cute guys you meet!! ;-) :) Just don't worry about anything!! Have fun and enjoy your life no matter what point it's at!! :D
starangel82 starangel82 8 years
Don't push it. There is nothing wrong with being single. You'll go through phases where it bothers you more than others, but it's normal. Your story sounds a little like mine. I just haven't found the guy I jive with yet, and that's okay. I'd rather wait for the guy who I like physically and personality than push or settle with the wrong guy. Like karlotta said, keep an open mind and don't be too picky. I say throw a little (or lot) of patience in with that and you'll eventually find who you are happy with.
queenlizzie queenlizzie 8 years
When you force it, it won't work. When you're looking, you won't find anyone. Enjoy being single--it might be the last time you're single for the rest of your life!!
MissJules5x MissJules5x 8 years
dont force it. u will just end up hurting that person when you inevitably break up.
GScott86 GScott86 8 years
You can't force love. Not even genie from Aladdin can grant that wish. Not even God forces love. Patience is everything. Love is patient.
skigurl skigurl 8 years
agreed. don't push it. if it's right, it's right. i've had this before - guys you "should" like like like that but just can't. give yourself time.
karlotta karlotta 8 years
Been there, done that. Dated the wonderful unattractive guy - until I realized our sex life was something straight out of a horror movie (either drunk or from behind, please) and I broke up with him. Don't force yourself to date someone who's not right, because if you meet Mr. Right in the meantime, you'll be... attached! And hello, tangled web, guilt, drama, and not-so-pretty beginnings. So bide your time, have some casual sex with a hottie if you can't take the abstinence, and put your energy into your friendships and your own life. Also, it's good that you're picky, and don't date every guy who crosses your path - when you meet a guy right for you, you'll know it, and you'll be available, and you won't have a ton of baggage, and that will only make you healthier than the millions of us who've dated the billions of Mr. Wrongs. There's nothing wrong with you, I think. It's probably more likely that there's something wrong with a lot of the guys you meet, and it's okay to have standards. Don't be TOO picky, keep an open mind - but be proud you don't date just for the sake of dating. Love should be about more than that.
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