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You Asked: Can I Get My Money Back?

DearSugar --

Just last week, I found out that my significant other had been with another woman for the past year. She and I happened to be at the same place, at the same time. He told her he no longer spoke to me, and then told me she was just a friend. We found out he had been texting us the same things -- he almost paid his tuition and one of his bills. I paid his bills a lot, but he always paid me back. For Christmas I got him an iPod, he got me nothing, but gave her a $150 certificate to a spa. For his birthday I spent $1300 on a trip to New Orleans, and he invited her to come, but she didn't.

He even had his roommate call her and say that I was lying and he had only been with me one time. With that all said and done, should I ask for my things and money back or just let it go? How should I do it? What should I do? This was a man who would tell me all the time how if he didn't marry me, the next man I date would. I'm so torn, and I don't know how to go about things. Please help me handle this with respect and dignity. ~Betrayed Barbara

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Betrayed Barbara --

This situation sounds just horrible, as does this man. I'm relieved you're out of the relationship, though I wish the circumstances weren't so brutal. People might disagree with me, Barbara, but I would suggest walking away and staying away, no matter what you want back. Consider it a small price to pay for the truth, your freedom, and the future possibility of meeting a man with some scruples who knows how to love you.

The best way to protect your self-respect and dignity, now that you know the situation, involves letting him go for real and for good. Please don't see him or interact with him. Let the ipod go, the cash, the pair of shoes you left at his apartment. Whatever it is, it has less value than your peace of mind and self-worth.

The sooner you cut ties the sooner you can attend to your heartbreak. The sooner you do that, Barbara, the sooner you learn from this experience and create something radically different and better for yourself. I send you courage and comfort.


Join The Conversation
a-gentle-rain a-gentle-rain 10 years
best of luck
a-gentle-rain a-gentle-rain 10 years
it sounds like you know what you need to do. Snaps to you for realizing that you are better than that. Every woman deserves better than that.
andaman andaman 10 years
He is a complete loser! Move on. If you are finding terribly difficult then i suggest you come up with a strategy to stop yourself calling him. I don't know what you like, swimming, running, travelling? Take your pick and just get on with it. No time to waste!
Marci Marci 10 years
I agree with everything Dear Sugar says. This guy isn't worth the anguish and hurt you're feeling. You'll meet a better man one day; I promise.
SeptemberLights SeptemberLights 10 years
I do agree that you should walk away from this relationship. However, if you money and things are really bothering you, you can always take him to small claims court and sue him for the value of everything he stole from you. he lied to you and used you. any judge would be able to see that. if you win they can garnish his wages and he will look like a total idiot! GOOD LUCK !
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
what you really want back you cannot get; an honest relationship. leave this relationship and do not try and get money out of him. take the lessons learned here into the rest of your life. you gave him things because of what you thought you had, out of love and the hope of making him happy. he isn't worth any more of your time or effort. my personal feeling is that when you don;t get what you wanted from a person you get something more valuable (though usually you don't appreciate what that is until later). here you found out that he isn't worth your love or trust before you had a child together and before you wasted any more time. as you heal from this try and see if in looking back there were any signs that you might have noticed earlier. be done with him; you are one step closer to finding the person you will have a truely meaningful relationship with.
Pinkgirl88 Pinkgirl88 10 years
this was a group therapy as well... again i am just sorry for what you've had to deal with. TINA!
i-heart-monster i-heart-monster 10 years
I totally agree with Dear too. Cut your losses and walk away - it's not worth the fighting and any court would call them gifts anyway and you wouldn't get anything back. You'll feel a lot better about yourself. I was once in a similar situation - only it was medical bills that I had paid with credit. I'm still paying on them, but I'm really glad to have moved on.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
Wow. That is just awful. I am so sorry to hear about everything that you went through. I agree with Dear 100%. Cut your losses and just walk away! I think it's AWESOME that you are focusing on handling yourself with grace and dignity. In the long run, all we have is who we are and how we respond to things. It's the only thing we ultimately have control over. What a blessing to be finished with this man. Good luck.
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