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You Asked: Can I Trust Him?

Dear Sugar,

I met this amazing guy a year and a half ago. We hit it off right away and started dating exclusively. After about a year, we had our first real fight. I didn't think much of it because it was just one argument, but then the fighting got so bad that we eventually broke up and he started dating someone else. They broke it off, but he continued to stay close with her. He still has that girl in his life as a friend, but he says he wants me back. I don't know if I can trust him with her. I love him, and I know he loves me, but I'm afraid he still has feelings for her. Should I give him a second chance?

— Getting Back Together Gabby

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Dear Getting Back Together Gabby,

I think what's most important to note is that your boyfriend began and ended his relationship with this other woman when you guys were no longer a couple. He never cheated on you, and he never cheated on her, thus giving you no cause for concern. However, I would be honest and tell him that you're not all that comfortable with their relationship. It's not uncommon for people to stay friends after dating, so I don't think you should necessarily write him off because he's chosen to do so.

But while your relationship hasn't been altered by trust issues, it's concerning to hear that one fight led to your eventual breakup. To me, that's a bigger issue than the fact that he briefly dated another girl when you two were no longer together. If you do decide to work on building your relationship again, the first thing I would do is establish why your arguments grew so out of control. Is this something you guys can work on together? Is it something that will require personal development for one or both of you? While fighting is normal in relationship, it's important to learn how to do it without blowing it out of proportion. Good luck.

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julieng79 julieng79 9 years
i have trust issue because of my first relationship. it's not a good feeling and you can't help but feel insecure. Especially with a girl he date then dump for you. what if she still like him and find ways to get him back? Guys feelings tend to swift from one side to another. it's not a big deal yall had one huge fight. every relationships there's going to be fights so it's normal. sometimes it help improve the relationship if u guys make it through. Since yall been together for a year or so you should atleast make sure he's really sincere. if you think he's trustworthy then give it another try. those that know him well should be able to make you feel secure. =]
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
You broke up with him for a reason, what makes you think it's going to be different this time?
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
It sounds to me like you suspect that he was interested in this girl while you guys were still together (I could be wrong) and that may be the source of your jealousy. Was she his backup plan in case things didn't work out with you two? If this is the case, I wouldn't be so quick to jump back into a relationship with him, he may be the type of guy who just doesn't like being single and jumps from relationship to relationship, not a good sign. I would also say it's worrying that you guys broke up because you fought so much. What has changed so much about your relationhship that things will not end up this way again?
sunshowers83 sunshowers83 9 years
Good advice, Berlin!
sunshowers83 sunshowers83 9 years
Good advice, Berlin!
Berlin Berlin 9 years
It sounds as though you are very young and haven't had many relationships? Or either haven't had many where you stayed friends afterwards. I remain close with um, actually almost all of my exes. It depends on the type of person/personality you are/have, and YOU must realize that just because they dated it doesn't mean that he retains any feelings for her. People break up and remain friends not because they secretly are wanting to be with each other, but because they realize that they are just better off as friends and nothing was there that would sustain a relationship. So be more secure girl! If he wants you back then great, but don't let her become an issue. She's just a friend, and if he liked her still, he would want her, not you.
Berlin Berlin 9 years
It sounds as though you are very young and haven't had many relationships? Or either haven't had many where you stayed friends afterwards. I remain close with um, actually almost all of my exes. It depends on the type of person/personality you are/have, and YOU must realize that just because they dated it doesn't mean that he retains any feelings for her. People break up and remain friends not because they secretly are wanting to be with each other, but because they realize that they are just better off as friends and nothing was there that would sustain a relationship. So be more secure girl! If he wants you back then great, but don't let her become an issue. She's just a friend, and if he liked her still, he would want her, not you.
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