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You Asked: Can a Long Distance Relationship Work?

Dear Sugar--

Last night I went out with a friend and her husband. We were dancing and having a good time. I didn't have a date with me and I was content with that. There weren't any strange guys coming up to me with cheesy pick up lines. I was having a blast.

Around 1am a wedding party came in. Two guys approached me. One was obnoxious and used a line on me. The other one was nice and quiet with a great smile and gorgeous eyes. Soon he asked me to dance and we stayed at each other's sides the entire night. Afterwards, everyone went to grab a 3 a.m. bite to eat at the local Waffle House. He introduced me to the entire wedding party and I thought surely he'd ask for my number and we would go on many dates, and blah blah.....Little did I know, he lives in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and I live in Georgia! So we stayed up talking at my friend's house until 6 a.m and I took him back to his hotel at 9:30 a.m.

Now here is the problem: I have found the perfect guy but he lives so far away! He did get my number and said he will call when he arrives home safely this evening. I can't help but fantasize about this relationship actually working. What am I supposed to do? I am the pickiest person in the world when it comes to guys and I don't wanna let this one slip away! HELP!! Will it work?

--In Love in Georgia

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear In Love in Georgia--

That's so awesome that you finally found a great guy, but what a bummer that he lives so far away! Your best bet is to wait for him to call you so you two can get to know each other a little bit more. See what he thinks -- ask him if he felt like there was a connection between you two and if he wants to see where this could go.

Some people find it difficult to be in a relationship with the other person isn't physically with them, but for other couples, they make it work. Long distance relationships are not easy, especially when you start off that way, but they are possible. It could be really exciting to get to know each other by talking on the phone and writing emails, and then you never know -- if you develop a bond that is unique, perhaps you can explore the possibility of moving to Philly, or him moving to Georgia. I'd say if he's willing to seeing where this can go, it's worth giving it your best shot. Good luck!


Join The Conversation
longdistance longdistance 8 years
I have been in one and it does work (or at least it did for me!). Trust, commitment and lots of love should suffice. If you don't believe check all those succesful stories here: Good luk to all!
nessabum nessabum 10 years
i basically repeated what Dear said, lol.
nessabum nessabum 10 years
i think they take an extremely large amount of effort. and i think that it's particularly harder when you are long distance from the start.
kayden kayden 10 years
A long distance relationship can work if the two of you both put effort into your relationship. Anything is possible in life. Make sure he is the right person for you. Communication is most important in a distant relationship.
Nouveau-Jackie-O Nouveau-Jackie-O 10 years
I know from experience that it can work. Me and my husband were in an LDR for almost 4 years until we got married in January:) It was tough, but we both knew that we wanted to be together, no matter how long it took. I say give this guy a chance. There is no need to rush. Once you feel that there is more to explore, consider using some hard earned vacation time to visit him. Or better yet, ask him to visit you. Best of luck:)
pynkpuffy pynkpuffy 10 years
Of course it can work. I'm in sydney and my boyfriend is in Manchester , Uk. We've been like this for 3 years and we meet twice every year. But we always talk everyday no matter what even for few seconds. I guess communication and trust is important. hehe :)
reeveske reeveske 10 years
go for it! I think the general consensus here is that they can work if you both are on the same page and are just as committed to it as the other person. Im in one as well-we are in two different states, and all I say to those rude people who tell me they don't work is simply "They do if you both want it bad enough." And I firmly believe that. Accessibility is key-I learned that from a communications professor, he said "the couple who are in two different continents that have more access to each other (IMing, emails, calls, visits, etc.) will feel closer than the couple who lives only a few hours away and rarely can communicate"
LeavingSong LeavingSong 10 years
Go for it! I'm in one now, different countries even! Almost 10 months and I wouldn't trade it in for the world. This man could possibly be the one, don't let him go=p
misskboo misskboo 10 years
It can definately work. I am living proof! I lived in Australia and met my husband in a bar one night (he was there on vacation - he's american). The next morning I called my mom and told her I'd met the man I was going to marry. We didn't see each other for another year, we tried to forget about each other and date other people but it didn't work. After more years of both us going back and forth, we got married and I now live in the US. It hasn't been easy but I don't regret it for a second. I say go for it!
PrissyLilBadAss PrissyLilBadAss 10 years
Don't give up hope. I met the man of my dreams on Spring Break in Mexico when I was in college! We were supposed to be a "spring fling" since the circumstances we met under, and the fact that we're about 400-500 miles apart. But here were are, 7 years later, still hundreds of miles apart, and still closer than ever.
Frida2 Frida2 10 years
I think you should give it a try, you wont loose anything just by trying :)
LaLaLaurie06 LaLaLaurie06 10 years
This same sort of thing happened to a friend of mine recently! She went to a friend's wedding, met a guy and totally hit it off! Only he lives in Missouri and she lives in Tennessee! But apparently they want to make it work and he's gone to visit her once (where they decided to give it a go) and now she's made plans to visit him. I assume the travel can be expensive and it might be risky to go long-distance with a person you've just met, as opposed to doing long-distance with a person you've already been in a relationship with, but heck! go for it! It seems like it is working for my friend!
rubialala rubialala 10 years
It can totally work, go for it.
bfly1133 bfly1133 10 years
My cousin met her husband on vacation in Mexico. As she was taking off for home, she turned to her friend and said "I met the man I am going to marry." So yes, it can work. But as others have stated it takes work, commitment, and a real connection of love. They never lived in the same city until they were married and it worked for them. But as pop points out this isn't always the case. I wouldn't jump into this too fast however. Give it some time and don't lose your head. I hope he calls because I love romance, but don't get too down if he doesn't. Good luck!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
I agree with junebrug 150%, if that is possible. Also, most long distance relationships that are successful at least have a base of time they spent together in the same location before moving apart (for school or military or whatever). If you do get together, it will be all romantic for a while and you'll be dying to see each other etc but be wary, that's not how real life will be with him so make sure you keep your head on straight :)
stefsprl stefsprl 10 years
Long distance can work, but it's not easy. When my husband and I met, I was living in Indiana and he was touring the U.S. with a band, but since we had never known what it was like to live in the same town, I think that it was actually easier to start off long distance. We talked on the phone for about an hour every night, and it was a great way to get to know someone. It's not for everyone, but it can work! I think it's worth a shot for you, and if you don't try you'll always wonder what would have happened...
kikidior kikidior 10 years
yeah it depends on how much love and how much effort you put into the relationship ive been with my boyfriend for almost 3yrs. He's in the military and now we're engaged and having a baby. He's had to live in Japan for half a year and California and Korea and Guam etc the good thing is he gets to travel and i get to visit these places if i want to.
junebrug junebrug 10 years
I hate to put on a damper on this, but only because I've done what you've done (fallen in love immediately), responsibly, I must remind you that you have known this man for approximately one day. Everyone can seem perfect at first. I think you should wait for him to call and I do think you should go out with him again and have fun, but if you've done the "woman thing" and jumped from a nice conversation to picking out your wedding dress, drag yourself back to reality. It's good to be optimistic and believe anything can happen (we've all heard of those people who meet someone and go "I'm going to marry this person" and they do) but it's bad to obsess over a guy thousands of miles away. See what he says at the end of the next date. I really hope he calls, we all need a little Prince Charming in our lives. As for long distance relationships, most people fail at them. It's a character issue, like basically everything else. If you two are committed to it, it certainly can work.
lilegwene lilegwene 10 years
What a great story!! It can definitely work, but one of you just needs to decide that you really, really want it to. Otherwise it's going to be a few phone conversations, and then it will peter out and nothing will happen and you'll always wonder! So, if he seems to be kind of dis-interested now that he can't see you infront of him, you might suggest visiting already. It is going to seem forward and fast, but it will definitely let you know if he's interested, if you're compatible (during the visit), and probably introduce you to his life and friends. Of course, realistically think about the relationship -- can you two afford to fly and visit each other at least every other month? My boyfriend and I met in California at a wedding, but he was from Ohio and I live in Iowa! We just really hit it off in the few days we had together, continued talking on the phone, and then he was pretty forward and asked to come visit me. We've been together for over a year, we're going to Paris next week, and I'm pretty sure he's going to propose. Our situation, I think, was a lot similar to the one you find yourself in. It just took one of us knowing what they wanted, and pursuing it! (Then a lot of work to keep it going, as with any relationship.) I hope he takes intiative and relieves all of your worries. Good luck!! :)
Megg21 Megg21 10 years
Well my boyfriend is in the UK and i'm in Canada so yes they can work! My boyfriend and I got together a week before I left the UK and we just celebrated our five month anniversary yesterday. To be fair we were great friends (and housemates) before we got together so we had a really good base to go off of. I think what is really important when you are trying to have a long distance relationship is you both feel equally committed to it. You both are willing to give it a shot wholeheartedly. If someone is unsure or wont think it will work, it won't. So yes I certainly think it's possible. You might just want to stay friends and build that up until you can maybe see each other again and see if the sparks are still there or you might talk on the phone and think yes! this is definately it! And go for it. It can be done on short notice! Good luck!
Marci Marci 10 years
I think they can work. They take a lot of effort, and the timing is different than when someone is nearby, but it can be done. Chemistry is chemistry, and if it's there, go for it no matter what the distances are. And if it works out, someone at some point will have to make a decision about relocating, but that, too is worth it for the right person. I hope it goes well for you. Good Luck!
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