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You Asked: This Can't Be Love

You Asked: This Can't Be Love

Dear Sugar,

I've been with my boyfriend for two and a half years, one year living together. Things were great at first. He made me feel like I was walking on clouds, and the most important thing in his life. He made me so many promises and talked about having a life together. He has never hurt me on purpose, but that was then, now it's like every other day, we argue and fight, but what hurts the most is he doesn’t show me that he cares anymore.

He gets mad at me for stuff that has nothing to do with me. I understand he has stress and when I tell him how I feel, he tells me things will change but they haven't. I’m so confused and I don’t know what to do anymore. He says he still loves me, but I don’t understand how he can hurt me and still love me. I know that I love him, but my self-esteem has been so knocked down by him that I feel helpless, I’m even scared to say anything anymore. Please help! — Where Did the Love Go Laurie

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Where Did the Love Go Laurie,

I am so sorry you are feeling lost, I am glad you came to me. It sounds as though your boyfriend is carrying a bunch of anger and he is taking it out on you. We all have stresses, but that is never an excuse to verbally mistreat anyone, especially loved ones. I am glad you are standing up to him and voicing your feelings, but if he is not making any adjustments to his behavior, it's time for you to make a change.

All couples go through a down cycle, but his abusive tendencies need to stop. Most of the time people never mean to hurt others, but unless they experience some sort of consequence, they won't stop their behavior.

You deserve to be treated with respect, especially in your own home, so perhaps a break is in order. He needs to feel how his behavior is driving you away, possibly forever. Have you considered couples counseling? You need to put yourself first and while you love this man, you need to love yourself more. Stay strong Laurie and follow your gut instincts with this relationship.

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