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You Asked: Did I Get Played?

Dear Sugar,

I have been in a long-distance relationship for seven months now. I just went to visit him for a week, and it was the most wonderful time of my life. We each felt as though we were an old married couple already, and we were making plans for me to visit again. We were very much in love (or so I thought) up until a couple of weeks ago when he stopped contacting me and basically told me not to bother contacting him.

I found out through a mutual friend that he asked a girl out from his work last week; apparently he's had feelings for her for a while. The same guy who left me a heart-wrenching voicemail while I was flying home, telling me how much he missed me, is now apparently dating someone else! I don't know what to do. I keep thinking I did something wrong while I was there, but my friends are telling me I got played. I really thought he was the one for me and I don't want to give him up, but I don't know how to handle this situation if he won't talk to me. Should I just wait it out or give up? — Baffled Brenda

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Baffled Brenda,

After reading your note, I can't help but feel like something is missing here. If you're feeling the same way, I'm inclined to say that you were unfortunately played. Like you, I'm not sure how someone can go from hot to cold so fast, but he did, so the best thing you can do is move on. This man sounds very manipulative, and though I'm not privy to your weekend together, I can almost guarantee his decision to turn his back on you is not a result of something you've done. I'm sure it's incredibly frustrating not to have answers to your questions, but you'll be better off without this man in your life.

Sometimes we get lucky in love and sometimes we don't, but try not to let this break your spirit. He clearly wasn't the right one for you, but someone else out there is. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
khadeekiinsz khadeekiinsz 8 years
Yes girlfriend, you got P.L.A.Y.E.D. I agree with everybody else about how much he's an asshole. Get get over it, I know it sucks but at least now you'll be more aware. God, i feel soo bad. That's why I don't understand "long distance relationships".
angelbaby2 angelbaby2 8 years
please dont contact him or write him a nasty letter. No reply is the best way. And as Ivana Trump has said-living well is the best revenge!
vmruby vmruby 8 years
Yes ..... Unfortunately he played you big time and there's nothing else you can do about it.It sucks. Keep your self respect and don't bother to contact him. He did you a huge favor and I hope someday you will see that. He's obviously moved on and so should you.Your guy is out there somewhere just be patient. Good Luck to you! Sometimes men can be such sc*mbags.
talanted08 talanted08 8 years
Honey, I really hate to drop the bomb on you like this but he did PLAY you like a fiddle! He's not worth holding on to, for what! If he's taking the time out to call you and leave nasty messages like that then he's really got some issues. Long distance relationships rarely work out but if this so called new girl has his mind all in a bind then she's going to be the next victim on his list! Don't feel to bad about the situation b/c she's going to get the PLAYER button just like you but maybe a little worse. Never underestimate your self b/c things happen for a reason and maybe he felt he wasn't the one for you! You never know she may be the one to show him what a PLAYER button feels like! Like most of the comments........ Men are dog's but one day you will find MR RIGHT and he will be RIGHT on TIME!!
MissJules5x MissJules5x 8 years
dont even wait for this loser to call you. he clearly just has you as an option and now that he has someone closer by you are no longer of importance to him. don't wait for him. don't listen to his pathetic excuses if they ever come at all, and its time to move on.
heatherhas heatherhas 8 years
I am so sorry that happened to you! I had a bf of almost two years who dumped me sort of the same way. He basically went to drill one weekend and then never, I mean never, called me again. Not even to say "we are breaking up". I found out through mutual friends what was going on. The best thing that you can do for yourself is stay positive, pick up, and move on. There are better men out there who will respect you. Mourn the relationship if you must, but then set it all aside and move on. You never know who you may meet tomorrow!
opisnowpro opisnowpro 8 years
kick him in the *ss!!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Talk about disturbia.
Swissabby Swissabby 8 years
I'm sorry that you had to go through that. A very similar situation happened to me in late August. I stopped talking to him altogether, and started working out a lot instead of eating ice cream and laying around. Throwing myself into my work and taking care of myself really helped, so did watching a lot of Jane Austen movies -- which reminded me of the guys I really wanted. He was such a Willoughby, but pretended to be a Mr. Darcy the whole time. It's hard to get over, because nothing makes sense and you want closure, but I say, just let it go, because he really isn't worth your time. When you take care of yourself, you'll realize how much happier you are without him.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 8 years
"Should I wait it out or give up?" Sorry, you don't have either of those choices...there is nothing to wait out or give up. HE cut off contact and told you to do the same, end of story. It is over. Agree with Karlotta...I think this guy enjoyed what he got from you and has moved on. This doesn't make you an idiot who got are just a good person who cared about another and got used. I am so sorry this happened to you , but unfortunately it happens to almost everybody in some way or another. He is a motherf@ucker, and you are well rid of NOT talk to him. Take care of yourself and hang with people that will not treat you this way. With time you will get better.
stumbler02 stumbler02 8 years
Ew, what an asshole! You did get played. What are you waiting for? Dump him!!
Leanne1078 Leanne1078 8 years
OMG please do not write him a letter saying how sad this makes you!! You need to tell him, "Good, I'm glad you're gone! It saves me the difficulty of having to dump your sorry a**. And PS, the sex was terrible!" lol, or something like that. He doesn't deserve your tears, he deserves for you to laugh in his face! Sorry this happened to you :(
austerity austerity 8 years
FORGET HIM and move on, nobody deserves to screw you over like that.
meechie meechie 8 years
I agree with Bluestar DO NOT PLAY yourself!!!!!!!!!!
missnomi missnomi 8 years
oh dear, that sound horrid. I can imagine how frustrating this must be for you, I really sympathise... That said, I think I'll have to be the first to break the chain of 'he's a player'responses. Could it be that in your enthousiasm you read more into it all than he did. So maybe he was intersted, maybe very interested even, but the fact that you felt like an old married couple, and were clearly thinking ahead made him less eager? I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling that way, nor has he any right to treat you like this, but could it be that his love has cooled down because you were maybe coming on too strong? We all know that men sometimes have to be eased into a relationship, like the chase, etc...
Deidre Deidre 8 years
So sorry this happened to you, OP. While I am a firm believer that not all men are sounds like this one really is. Whether you got played or he just has his own crazy issues -- it's irrelevant. No one should be allowed to treat you that way. Cease any contact with this bonehead, pronto. But not before you write him a serious Dear John letter. Regardless of whether you mail it, it will help to clarify your own feelings about the situation. Take solace in your friends, take some time to yourself, and you'll be well on your way to finding someone who is much more worth your efforts.
Jude-C Jude-C 8 years
Right on, CG.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
If By "old married couple" you mean you had alot of sex, and canoodled , then well really you were just like "an old played long distance mark" and he got what he wanted and onto the next. Lesson learned.
Myst Myst 8 years
Send him a big f*ck you letter for playing with your emotions like that. It's pretty obvious you got played, he asked another girl out and now won't talk to you. The man is a jerk and you're better off without him.
Renee3327 Renee3327 8 years
If he was willing to hurt you like that then he isn't worth a minute of your time. I know it is hurtful and confusing and the confusion makes it harder to let go at first, but you'll get through it in time.
karlotta karlotta 8 years
I don't think you got played, I think he's got some crazy-cracker issues. Seriously. NOT NORMAL! He sounds really emotionally unstable, borderline needs to be committed. He's needy, an attention-whore, and has the emotional attention-span of a fruit fly. He thinks love is about who is giving him the most attention at the time. He'll probably be back, so brace yourself - you should never answer his call again, he's a freaking nutjob. Breathe a huge sigh of relief, girl! And you are allowed to make fun of him, too.
hope2be hope2be 8 years
You should be thankful that this relationship isn't that long (he sounds like a jerk the way he handled the break up--don't bother contacting me? Tsk). MOVE ON. He clearly isn't the guy for you. Maybe you got played, but it doesn't matter now.
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
I've never online dated. What happened to me was much stranger than that. More like um..You've Got Mail meets The Lakehouse with a SAW twist. It wasn't pleasant and caused a tremendous amount of tormenting stress and grief. So, I would never do online dating, or chatting in detail for that matter nor would I agree to a long distance relationship. It's not what I want, so I wouldn't accept it. But in this case, I think you chalk it up to the fact that he's just a mean, insensitive person. Be glad you don't have to suffer his abuse anymore and try to heal emotionally. 'Get whole' and go on with your life as it was minus the jerk. :)
starangel82 starangel82 8 years
I have to say that you're better off without him. You got played. Move on with your life... and do not let him come crawling back.
Jude-C Jude-C 8 years
Yeah, you got played. If he doesn't want to talk to you, there's nothing else you can do. Move on.
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