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You Asked: Did I Ruin my Chance?

Dear Sugar--
The night of my 21st birthday I was incredibly drunk. I met a guy that night (before I got drunk) and he was really awesome. I ended up making myself look completely trashy in my opinion, dragging him into a bathroom and making out, before going home with him and having sex. This is not normally my style, and I do blame my severe intoxication. Is it possible that I could still pursue him after that? Is it possible for a relationship to come out of a HORRIBLE first impression? He was drunk as well, and the next morning he seemed OK but I've just never done anything quite like that, and don't know how to approach the situation. --Freaking out Frankie

To see DEARSUGAR's anwswer

Dear Freaking out Frankie--

First of all, what's done is done, so try not to fixate on the logistics of that night. I can almost guarantee that everyone has done their fare share of stupid stuff after having one too many, especially on their 21st birthday. With that said, yes, you can absolutely redeem yourself from your drunken first impression -- we all make mistakes.

You say he seemed OK the next morning -- did you talk at all? Did you exchange phone numbers or e-mail addresses? If you want to pursue him, by all means go for it, you have nothing to lose. Try saying something like this:

I wanted to apologize to you for my behavior on my birthday. That was totally out of character for me and I want to make it up to you, if you're interested, by treating you to dinner, and or a drink this weekend

This way you can express your embarrassment and let him know you are interested in seeing him again in a not so intoxicated manner. 21st birthdays are all about letting loose and having a good time, so as long as you act mature and completely yourself the next time you go out, I am sure you can start from scratch with this guy!! Good luck.


Join The Conversation
Miss-K-Smith Miss-K-Smith 10 years
Awe no i think its ok, i mean naybe you should have thought about what you were doing, but really who does that?? well in that situation, its in the heat of the moment and it just happens, im sure he will understand. After all we all make mistakes
tokenguy tokenguy 10 years
Great answers Nessyliz!
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 10 years
Well, he didn't seem to be not okay with it, so you don't actually need to say you're sorry. Maybe he liked you being forward and taking charge!
Nessyliz Nessyliz 10 years
And if he is an idiot who is going to judge you for having sex WITH HIM than he is not worth your time. He should be ecstatic that you were willing to do it with him. (I've never understand guys that sleep around yet call women "sluts", etc...makes no sense. You would think the girl that has sex with a guy would be his personal hero!) Why would you wanna be with somebody who thinks you're good enough to have sex with, but not to date? Just reach out to him one time, if you don't get an answer, don't keep it up, and let it go. Just think: "I can do better!"
Nessyliz Nessyliz 10 years
First of all, he might have thought it was completely awesome and he might be completely infatuated with you! You have to try to find out. I think the email idea is good, but maybe a little less formal. How about: "Man, I sure was crazy on my bday, I promise I'm not always so forward when I like somebody! Anyway, I had fun and I was interested in getting together again. You can call me at..." And there you go. I bet that will work! He's probably dying to hang out with you again. Just make sure you let him know on the date that you want a relationship, not just sex.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
I agree with DearSugar. It is hard to recover from something like that. This guy might assume that this is the way you are. You might want to show the guy who you really are. (not that you are the typical party girl.) He can A. give you a second chance or B. He can think of you only as an easy girl, especially since you made out in a bathroom and then had sex that night. I agree with Kayden. Most guys will just use an easy girl for future booty calls and thats it. I would take this as a learning experience and try to move on. Just try not to drink so much, I know it was your 21st, but you have to try and act like a lady. Guys like classy girls that can drink, but don't get sloshed.
kayden kayden 10 years
It's been said before but, I will repeat it. If a guy's really into you he will communicate. If he doesn't call within 7-8 days he's not into you. Guys can be harsh and silence means he's just not into you. I work around a lot of men (for many years) and I have brothers. I know how they think. Men go into discussion groups and talk.. EXAMPLE: "Men go to work and say things like," Man I was at a bar this girl gave it up easy, why do I have to call, I got the goods", "I'm gonna call the other girl it's been 6 weeks, I took her to almost every restaurant and concert in town. I gotta figure her out, she's holding out wants to take it slow". The woman who holds out drives them wild.. I most situations. Guys get drunk and do the same things we do but, view us differently. These are modern times but, some men are still in the stone ages. Guys go for women who hold out for a while and give them a good challenge. It was your birthday, drink have fun but, always be in control. Turn down a few round of drinks to stay aware of everything around you for safety reasons!!! Learn from this. Good Luck!!
em1282 em1282 10 years
If he's into you he won't care what happened, but I wouldn't expect too much. Good luck :)
cubadog cubadog 10 years
I have to agree I wouldn't really count on this going anywhere. Using being really drunk as an excuse for your behavior just makes you look immature. I have had some wild birthdays and never have I expected to hear from any of the guys no matter how great they were.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 10 years
I would have to say that you blew it on this one, there is no start over in a guys mind once you have gone crazy in a bathroom. Learn to control your drinking.
nicachica nicachica 10 years
i believe i already commented on this, but next time, please be a bit more careful with your drinking. i know it was your 21st birthday but the Greek community is a very talkative one so be careful before they label you "easy" and take advantage of it. (you didn't mention it on this post, but your earlier one said you were in a sorority). Good luck! otherwise, i hope it works out with this guy.
blingbling blingbling 10 years
I wouldn't worry about it. There are other fish in the sea. If he's not into you, who cares? One night stands happen and are not the end of the world - you're young and I'll be willing to bet it won't be the last one. ;-) Have fun! And if he digs you, then GREAT. And BTW, I had sex on my first date with who is now my husband. I didn't make it a regular occurence, but as you get older you figure out that you do what you need to for you - and for me at the time it had been a while. :-)
fab4 fab4 10 years
I agree with Sugar on this one. If he really likes you, he'll understand that it was your birthday and not your everyday routine!
Marci Marci 10 years
I agree with Dear and sugasara; just tell him how you feel. We are all so busy trying to put up a front, but it's very appealing when someone actually shows their real self. And you never know what might happen. And while I don't necessarily recommend it, I know plenty of people who had sex on a first date and built a relationship after that.
sugasara sugasara 10 years
just tell him how you feel. if he's really awesome, be sure he is going to understand and maybe he will apologize for his behavior too.
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