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You Asked: Do I Have Daddy Issues?

Dear Sugar,

I have been in relationship after relationship. I have put myself on dating sites, met guys in bars, through friends, blind dates — you name it, I have done it. I've met some really nice guys out there but for some reason, I cannot commit. So many articles, TV shows, and therapists say that if a woman has issues with her father, she is doomed when it comes to relationships. In my case, I never met my father. He left my mother when she was pregnant with me. Since then, my mother has remarried and as a child, her husband adopted me and is now who I consider my "real" dad.

Over the years, my relationship with my father has been rocky but in the end he has always been the one that is there for me. I do have a male figure in my life, so are the unresolved issues of not knowing who my biological father is responsible for my fear of commitment? Is it possible to find security in a relationship with a man without meeting my biological father? — Single Sally

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Single Sally,

Just because you haven't found that special someone you want to settle down with doesn't mean it's because you haven't met your biological father. I think the fact that you're not settling says more about your high standards than anything else. Admitting that you have a hard time committing is a great realization, but I wouldn't place blame on it quite yet.

Though you were raised with a father in the house, it sounds to me like you're curious about meeting your biological father — and with good reason, I'd be curious too. If that's a desire that won't quit, I think you should talk to your mom about him; get answers to any questions you might have about him and his relationship with you mother.

I don't think you're doomed when it comes to relationships, but if you fear that to be the case, talk out your emotions with friends, family, or a therapist. I happen to think you're being a little hard on yourself — some people take longer than others to find the right person to commit to — so keep dating, have fun, and when the right person comes along, I have a feeling your "daddy issues" will be tossed to the side.


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