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You Asked: Do You Have Any Orgasm Tips?

Dear Sugar,

I'm a 47-year-old woman and I've only had sex with my first love — my husband of 31 years. The reason I'm writing is to ask if it's normal to only be able to climax in one position. I can only orgasm when I'm on top which makes me think I'm missing out on so many other fun positions. Do you have any suggestions to help bring excitement back to our sex life? — On Top Tatiana

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear On Top Tatiana,

The ability to orgasm is different for everyone. Some people can reach the big O through any position, some through a select few, and others have yet to experience it at all. Just because you can only climax on top (which is by no means a defeat), it doesn't mean you can't experiment and enjoy other positions before climaxing.

Practice makes perfect when it comes to finding how your body works so do some exploration — by yourself and with your husband. I'd also recommend relaxing — if you get too caught up in thinking about it, you'll psych yourself out. If you want to spice things up, perhaps introduce a sex toy into your lovemaking, or experiment with new places to get it on — sometimes a simple change of scenery can do the trick. At the end of the day, if being on top works best for you, I say just embrace it!


Join The Conversation
jrocket101 jrocket101 8 years
I agree with Jeny. Missionary with the guy on top, rubbing into yo rather than thrusting. Hits the spot everytime.
khadeekiinsz khadeekiinsz 8 years
Wow marriage at 16 is admirable. Especially since her hubby is the only one she's done it with. AND 31 years, women like that know the secret for sure. But anyway....Orgasms are waay different for everyone. Some women only hit the big O in one very particular way.
summerjams summerjams 8 years
i only do when he fingers me. (:
ForeverMeg ForeverMeg 8 years
I have the same problem; I can only come on top (during both oral and sex, weird). We've tried stuff but nothing else has worked yet. I'll keep some of the suggestions in mind, although after I've come I'm DONE.
rellicDragon rellicDragon 8 years
On top always works ... n doggy style !!
Jeny Jeny 8 years
Nita-that's the way it was back then! My parent's were 15 and 18 when they were married and have been for 29 years now! The big 30 year anniversary is in March! It baffles me because that's almost unheard of these days.. Anyway.. as for my advice.. the best orgasm I've ever had from intercourse came from a guy who wasn't all that big but while he was on top, he wouldn't go in and out, rather he'd move his body up towards mine and rub, well 'the spot', with his lower abdomen and it was AWESOME! Good luck!
tatsauce tatsauce 8 years
Oh my gosh, my name is Tatiana and...I'm on top! but not always, thats usually my default orgasm position though. Recent sex discovery for me...books!
MartiniLush MartiniLush 8 years
Thanks, NotMe - as always, excellent advice! :-)
NotMeAnymore NotMeAnymore 8 years
Martini asked me to come (no pun intended :)) and give my advice on the subject, given the fact that I just got some new sex toys to replace the old. I absolutely recommend self-love, especially with a bullet vibe. Use a remote-controlled vibe inserted, and feel yourself take off! Though marriage at 16 IS unusual, it's not at all unheard of. But I wonder how it has limited you & your husband from experimentation (with each other, I mean). Don't be afraid to read erotic literature together or separately, or try sex toys together. IF you're willing to talk about things openly with each other, that alone can be sexy.
TwistandShout TwistandShout 8 years
Britt, the vast majority of women don't "squirt". If you think you're having an orgasm, you probably are.
bikinib7 bikinib7 8 years
She's 47.. not 19.. Different generation, different norms. Anyways, I have the same problem. I have read all about the G-spot and I can't seem to figure it out. Annoying... also, I don't know if my orgasm is a TRUE orgasm because while I feel like I do come, it's not the "squirt" or however you say it kind. I'd also be open for tips.
SusanTeufel SusanTeufel 8 years
I agree with Martini and Jude - On top doesn't do it for me But definitely agree with from behind, oh yeah! Hehe. But, seriously, lovely suggestion, Jude. a vibe while my man gives me the good stuff? My kind of fun.
candace87 candace87 8 years
Married at 16? That seems a little off.
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
LOL Jude good night now I'm off to watch telly, you're funny as normal.
Jude-C Jude-C 8 years
HECK YES! :oops:
MartiniLush MartiniLush 8 years
As usual, Jude, you are totally right!! :true: But guy, we're talkin'!!! :howyoudoin:
Jude-C Jude-C 8 years
It's always so much work that I get too distracted to enjoy it :( Right, Martini?
MartiniLush MartiniLush 8 years
Jude, masturbating during intercourse is an excellent suggestion! Always works for me, anyway!! ;-) And we are the same with being on top...I don't like that, either! (I think you nailed my reason spot on - too lazy! LOL!)
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
And beware of porn, some of them are really quite disgusting, choose the type that you feel comfortable with.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Have you tried to find your G-spot? If not, do some research! That really opened things up for me...
bluesteyes bluesteyes 8 years
Perhaps try watching soft porn and use sex toys? I think maybe you don't even know where the G spot is? Try to locate it and have a feel and make yourself come (please don't take this the wrong way all women out there!) But one needs to know where it is before you can tell someone else to make you come.
Jude-C Jude-C 8 years
I don't actually like on top (lazy, I guess). Try toys or touching yourself at the same time, I guess?
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
Yep. :D
lauraxtc lauraxtc 8 years
Mesayme, its true it happens to me here at work when I have a dirty thought. I shiver and loose my breath for a few moments. lol. :)
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
umm... 47 doesn't look like that in MY family... but anyway... did you know that you can have an orgasm without your partner present and without physically touching yourself? you can :)
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