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You Asked: Has this Happened to You?

Dear Sugar--

I have been dating this new guy for about 5 weeks now. I think he is so amazing, it feels like we have known each other for years and he showers me with affection. He has met a handful of my friends, but last weekend was kind of like his debut with my group of friends! I was thrilled to have him on my arm and to introduce him as my new boyfriend until he started scratching his crotch in the middle of conversations with people!!!

No one said anything to me but there isn't a doubt in my mind that people saw what he was doing. Why was he scratching his crotch in public? Is that normal? It was almost like he didn't even realize he was doing it! My girlfriends and I can be very critical of our friends new boyfriends so I can only imagine what they are saying about him. Can I save face from this? And more importantly, how can I bring this up with my boyfriend? I get so embarrassed about this kind of stuff, I just don't know if I can bring myself to actually bring it up. HELP!

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Ok, yes that is gross to say the least that your boyfriend was partaking in bathroom activity in public, especially at his debut!! Men will be men I guess, but if you honestly don't think he realized he was scratching away while engaging in conversation, you need to tell him ASAP so he knows that kind of behavior is simply not OK! While it's understandable for men to "adjust" themselves if need be, it must be done in an extremely sly manner or else they should have the manners to excuse themselves to the bathroom!

Having a conversation about this is bound to be a daunting task, so why don't you buy him some Gold Bond or some baby power to keep in the bathroom -- or the next time you witness this, simply grab his hand and hold it -- he'll get the gist!

As for your friends, I can say with confidence that their boyfriends or husbands are just as guilty as your boyfriend so I wouldn't lose too much sleep over it. Hopefully, you won't let this incident change the way you feel about your amazing new man!


Join The Conversation
MSL83 MSL83 10 years
My co-worker, who's much other than me, has done it when I was talking to him. Sure, it's typical guy behavior, but it's still digusting! I don't know if I can look at him the same way again...
haribobear haribobear 10 years
uhm... i've never noticed any guy that does this... and I do have a bf... this is interesting.... i mean interestingly weird....
clarapl clarapl 10 years
Guys are so weird, I really don't understand them at all. I honestly think to be in a long-term relationship with one you have to develop selective blindness--every married friend of mine has a husband who does things where I'm like, WTF?! but the wife doesn't even notice!
guys do that ,but it's rudeness to do that in public..they don't make a good impression with this kind of old is he 8? he can't control himself a little bit? or did he felt sooo comfortable with you're friends ? :(
katlovesclothes katlovesclothes 10 years
Honestly? Check the inseam of his pants. Many men don't shop well... that is they pick up the same size/brand/type pants (and boxers, and shirts- you a lot of too-tight collars out there too) they have worn since college... even when styles change. Thus, when they are too small they try to "adjust" because they are uncomfortable, and don't know to try on multiple sizes to find the appropriate fit. Take the man shopping! Or, if you are NOT into bringing him along, find a pair of pants that DO fit him appropriately (if has 'em) and line' em up to match the perfect fit! The present will solve the issue...
rubialala rubialala 10 years
It's not so bad. Guys do that. It sucks, but they do.
sw2190 sw2190 10 years
ah let him scratch bless him sure he didnt mena any harm, and hey if hes so amazing in every other way then big woop i wouldnt worry, if youre frends make fun, well arent u aswel? hehe they must have found him as charmning as u do in all the other things.
ailene ailene 10 years
Scratching "down there" is typical of guys. If it itches, they scratch it. If it bothers you, then do as DearSugar recommended, and just ask that if he starts to itch, to find a discreet way or place to do it. Don't be worried about what your friends think of him... it's your boyfriend, not theirs.
Marci Marci 10 years
I've seen lots of guys do that, too. I guess it could be because they're nervous. But I've never had a guy I dated to it - at least not in public, thankfully. I wouldn't know how to handle that conversation, either!
NdHebert NdHebert 10 years
This happened to Charlotte on Sex and the City. But unfortunately she dumped him.
SeaFoamGreen215 SeaFoamGreen215 10 years
I agree, he could be nervous or he just doesn't realize he's doing it. It could even be that he's comfortable around you enough to do it. I know that with my guy he was always "polite" in that department but now he does it whenever he feels the need to. I haven't brought it up to him because I don't particularly care, but it could definitely be a sign of him being comfortable around you. Either way, you don't approve of his behavior, so just distract his hands, or tell him calmy. And don't ever do it in front of people.
kyprosise kyprosise 10 years
Guys are like big hairy apes-- they scratch, they grunt. I'll be shocked if this is the first time your friends have seen a guy scratch himself in public; so don't worry they've already brushed it off as 'typical guy behavior.' Certainly say something to him if he really embarassed you, and CERTAINLY say something if he shook your friends' hands after doing so. But as for your friends hating on your man, I think you're in the clear.
Eternity Eternity 10 years
In my experience, younger guys do this when they are nervous. Don't worry about it, guys scratch themselves, period. Its a gross habit, but DearSugar has the best remedy...holding his hand or distracting him will work, just avoid motherly scolding or making drama about it in front of other people which might embarass him.
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