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You Asked: He Cheated and Gave Me a STD

Dear Sugar

I just found out that my fiance cheated on me and gave me a STD. I love him and I want to be with him, but I just don't know if I can trust or forgive him. I don't know what to do — I don't want my son to have a broken home but I can't tell if I will ever be able to move past this. Please help. — I Was Cheated Wendy

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear I Was Cheated Wendy,

I am so sorry to hear about this Wendy. Cheating is one thing, but cheating and risking the health of someone you love is just absolutely unacceptable. When you're in a committed, loving relationship, it's imperative to be truthful with one another and he completely deceived you so I don't blame you for feeling confused.

You say you don't think you can trust the man that you plan on making your husband, so I think you already know the answer to your question. Although you don't want your son to have a broken home, you both might be better off if you end this relationship before saying I do. You deserve respect and commitment from the man you're with so if I were you, I'd put your health and your son first. He knew what he was risking by cheating, so although you love him, you need to love yourself more. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
Prell Prell 9 years
Once a cheater..always a cheater. It won't change. Men who do this have no respect for women. They may talk like they are not getting their needs met..blah..blah..blah. But I think most men do cheat if they are given the chance and think they will get away with it. I know there are some good guys out there. I don't want to loop them all together. But monogamy is a difficult thing for men. For some women, too. But men like variety too much. That's why marriage doesn't seem like a natural state. There are far too many tempations out there right now. I would rather be alone or be in an open relationship. Lay all the cards out on the table. The sneaking around always makes both parties feel bad.
robins robins 9 years
i agree with everyone...leave. you will eventually find someone who trully loves and respects you.Good luck
shellle shellle 9 years
Leave him before he cheats on you again. If you're worried about your son, you need to realize that your current fiance will not be a good role model for him. You should not even let him near your son at this point. I say move on and focus on your life and needs.
LuvLeoDiCaprio LuvLeoDiCaprio 9 years
Leave , normally I would say work it out but come on he gave you an STD , next time it maybe one you can't get rid of. Hun there are more fish in the sea.
kimmbot kimmbot 9 years
Oh god, for the sake of your physical and mental health, AND your son, please leave him. He clearly doesn't appreciate you. Get healthy, and get rid of him. You're strong enough to take care of your son on your own. And someday, you'll meet someone who loves and appreciates you, and that will be a million times better than staying with your current fiance.
ReverendZelda ReverendZelda 9 years
If you don't have trust, you don't have anything.
trixiefire trixiefire 9 years
In my experience, behavior from a guy like that rarely changes, and if you dont trust him now, then you might never again. And is keeping him around worth your misery, which you will then project onto your child? I seriously hope not. Do the right thing for you, and dont tolerate anyone treating you badly, ever.
Princz82 Princz82 9 years should cut her some slack...sometimes it's really difficult to see things clearly when you're in a bad relationship.
sarah_bellum sarah_bellum 9 years
Are you serious? I can't believe you have to ask what the right move here is...
kendalheart kendalheart 9 years
Sorry but he has to go. Bub-bye. Adios. Don't let the door hit you on the way out.....
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
If you have no respect for yourself, you make way for people to treat you like this and get away with it. Do think about your son and his future, It's obvious that you're the only one doing that. Get out, get your own life and do not look back. He wont stop being this child's father just because you're not with him. He has a responsibility to this child and i strongly suggest taking him to court for child support payments. You're not married and he's treating you like this, what more do you want?
fashionhore fashionhore 9 years
I am with Caterpillargirl in that if you can't trust and forgive him, do you really love that person? Is there a worth while relationship to salvage if you can't think about trusting and forgiving him? I cannot and will not justify this with an answer; you know what you need to do, you just don't want to do it.
the-makeup-blogette the-makeup-blogette 9 years
ok this is nor related but i love the eye make up in the picture.
Princz82 Princz82 9 years
Ok, so i know it's hard to listen to other people talk about your relationship. It's so much easier to stay in a relationship then it is to leave- trust me, I stayed in a 7 year, live in relationship with a man that treated me horribly (lied, stole, cheated, hit me, etc). If you do decide to leave this man (which I think you should, because he didn't just cheat on you, he put your health at risk! That's NOT love, which should be based on respect) it is going to be very hard. I couldn't breathe, and I definitely thought I wasn't going to make it. But I like to think of it like surgery- it hurts because it's removing something from your life, and it's uncomfortable, but eventually it's for the best. Make sure that you and your child are in a productive, healthy environment. Good luck : )
Jack-D Jack-D 9 years
This happened to me a few years back, he wasn't my fiancee but he was my boyfriend and best friend for 6 years. I found out he cheated and gave me a curible issue to deal with. I threw my doctors bill in his face, which he paid, and walked out. Being alone and happy is better then no trust and miserable.
DCRoamer DCRoamer 9 years
I don't see how you can stay with him after this. And sadly, if you were to go ahead and marry him, your child might end up in a broken home anyway, because I think the odds are high that he will cheat again if given the chance. The fact that he had unprotected sex while engaged to you shows that he is pretty rotten. Good luck.
asiman1 asiman1 9 years
Leave him.
Marci Marci 9 years
Kick him to the curb. No trust, no chance of a future. Your child is better off with two parents who love him but are apart, than two who are together and suspicious, angry, hurt, etc.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
I think you know what you need to do. The question is whether you can gather up the courage to do it. I hope you can. Reach out to your friends and family and find a way out of there.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
Cheating is something I can never forgive. I think if you do forgive him, then your saying that your ok with it AND your new STD. I think you should leave him, and take your kid with you. It isnt fair for your kid to pay for your hubbies mistake, but keeping him in the household doesnt necessarily mean that he is better off.
jlana jlana 9 years
I think dealing with the repercussions of an unsolicited STD should be more than enough for any woman to dump the loser that give it to her.
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
I cracks me up "i love him" but i dont know if i should trust him and forgive him. The problem with all these "should i leave him" whiners, is that NONE of them know what love really is.
spiceG spiceG 9 years
we all may not be saying what you want to hear, but it is the truth. you have to go. respect yourself because your fiance doesnt. be the strength that your child needs. someday you will be able to explain it to your son. be the strong woman that you would want your son to be with someday. when there is no trust in a marriage, the marriage is no place to raise a family. unfortunately, you are suffering the bad decisions of another, not what you wanted. so dont beat yourself up over the fact that you cannot give your son a perfect family - this is not your fault, it's his fault. your happiness will ensure your son's happiness. be happy in your decision to go.
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