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You Asked: He Doesn't Like Oral Sex

You Asked: He Doesn't Like Oral Sex

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating my boyfriend for the past three months. We are both 40 and we have so many things in common. I must say that I am loving everything about this relationship. I think that I have finally found my soul mate.

Our lovemaking is off the hook. It is amazing. However, he does not like for me to perform oral sex on him, although he will do it to me. He will engage in a lot of freaky behavior in the bedroom, but is totally against me giving him pleasure in that way. I tried it once, and he let me go on about three minutes and stopped me saying "I'm scared." He says that he loves me, so what could he possibly be scared of? In addition it takes him a really long time to have an orgasm and prefers that I do it manually. What gives?

—Want to Please my Man Margaret

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Want to Please my Man Margaret,

The only way you're really going to know what "scares" him is to ask. I could make up a hundred reasons such as he's afraid he'll orgasm too quickly, or he's worried you won't like the taste or that he smells funny. He may know that it takes him a really long time to orgasm with oral sex, or he just may not like getting blow jobs. Maybe it's your technique that could use some help, or maybe he's had a bad experience with someone hurting him during oral sex. I could go on and on.

Also, some people just prefer to pleasure their partner and they have a hard time just relaxing and letting someone pleasure them — he may get more sexually aroused from going down on you, or he may just not feel like he deserves that kind of pleasure himself. Keep the communication open with him, let him know that you want to be able to please him and make him feel good. After a heart to heart, I'm sure you'll be able to work this little issue out.


sunshowers83 sunshowers83 9 years
Not trying to be rude, but here's a possibility... maybe your technique is a little off and he felt some teeth. That would scare any guy into putting back in his pants.
bransugar79 bransugar79 9 years
LadyP My fiance loves when I do it for him and it's a big turn on for me too. SO no it doesn't get old but I can understand why some women wouldn't want to do it especially when it feel forced
LadyP LadyP 9 years
Thank you for your response amorinthe :)
Amorinthe Amorinthe 9 years
I'm all about the giving and getting. He is super generous, so I try to be as well. In response to LadyP, no, it never gets old. I love it. He is always willing to give it to me. I think it's flattering that my technique and attention is good enough that he wants it more. Plus, I feel that giving oral to a woman is an essential part of foreplay, so how I can refuse him the same?
LadyP LadyP 9 years
I'd say count your blessings! That's all my husband wants (not ALL, but a lot of the time) and it gets so old so fast. But I guess if you WANT to do that for him, then I agree with what everyone else said...TALK to him. I'm sure once you tell him you want to please him, he'd be more apt to let you go down there. Good luck! Random question for the ladies: Does your boyfriend/husband/friend with benifits ask for oral sex OFTEN? If so, does it annoy you and does it get old doing it all the time? Or is it just me? lol...thanks!
communication is key!
NickiH NickiH 9 years
Perhaps he had an unwelcoming experience. I was once with a guy who didn't enjoy receiving oral because he once had a girl bite him. This situation could be along those lines. Just let your man know that you you want to be able to please him just as he pleases you. Talk it out, maybe his insecurities will reveal themselves.
Samuel-T Samuel-T 9 years
Hello everyone....I'm new here..this is my 1st post, my cherry if you will..HaH Haa.... ...ok..just off the wall here, maybe he was gay?..or is Bi. (and hasn't told her) And feels guilty about..well... her having Him in her mouth.... when He's maybe been in a guy's...ummm...nether regions.. and her Not knowing about it..? {With All due respect to all sexual beliefs or practices}
desertflower desertflower 9 years
Maybe he thinks he smells or is nervous about the size of his penis.
swtsunkisses88 swtsunkisses88 9 years
ive never heard of it either.. but my guess is a bad experience or something hes embarrassed about. talking and being open things may help solve the problem. if not, you could always go and try it again, but respect his wishes if he is against it.
audreystar audreystar 10 years
i have NEVER heard of this phenomenon?
cittypark cittypark 10 years
hmm maybe hes had a bad experience hahaa gluck<3!
beautiful1nes beautiful1nes 10 years
LOL Oh Jinx thats fuckn funny hahahaha I almost pissed my pants lol :rotfl: He'll give but doesn't want to recieve hahah
elmendoa elmendoa 10 years
maybe he is afraid he smells down there. or maybe, and i hate to say this, he has a dark past that you don't know about yet involving abuse. eek.
kendalheart kendalheart 10 years
Like sugar said, there could be a million reasons but I do understand your confusion about this, I have never run into a guy that didn't like it. I would find out if he has ever received it....good luck! And oh yea, tell him how much you enjoy pleasing him, maybe it will help him relax
julie-f-baby julie-f-baby 10 years
higgydt4 higgydt4 10 years
LOL Jinx!!
DCRoamer DCRoamer 10 years
I wouldn't push the issue. He already said he's not comfortable with it, and even though you may not understand his rationale, you have to accept it. (Think of it from the other perspective - how would you feel if he were pressuring you to something you were not comfortable with?) You said that your sex life is great, so I would just focus on that.
minaminamina minaminamina 10 years
Eternity, her problem is that he doesn't want HER to perform oral sex on HIM. I agree with mostly everyone else - communicate!
Jinx Jinx 10 years
LOL Lighten up people!
Muirnea Muirnea 10 years
I wouldn't say thats such a bad thing, and I agree that it sounds like he had a bad experience before or just worries about something happening from stories he has heard. Also, I just have to say, tokenguy, go away, we are not here for people like you, go find some other website for things like that. Even if it was a joke, we are not here for that either, people who write things here are actually worried and want real advice, not some jerk making jokes.
demonkitty18 demonkitty18 10 years
lucky you!:P
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 10 years
Some people might jsut not like getting it. i don't...and trust me, my boyfirend is fine with that!
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