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You Asked: He Hasn't Called!

You Asked: He Hasn't Called!

Dear Sugar,

I have been hanging out with this guy for over seven months — I am 28 and he is 37. We normally talk every day and see each other twice a week. I recently got a divorce and he was hurt very badly in a past relationship so neither one of us are looking for anything too serious, although we have had sex which I guess developed some type of closeness.

Last Sunday we spoke briefly and his phone dropped the call. When he called me back, I couldn't talk (I was on the way to the airport) and to make a long story short, we haven't talked since. He's mentioned to me that when he has a lot of his mind, he doesn't like being bothered by anybody so I wasn't sure if this was one of those times or if he is just blowing me off. It's been over a week so what gives? Has he lost interest? Is he mad at me? Should I call him or should I just forget about him altogether? —Neglected Natasha

To see DearSugar's answer


Dear Neglected Natasha,

When it comes to talking on the phone, guys and girls couldn't be more different. Though this is a generalization, women are "talkers" whereas men simply use their phone to make plans or coordinate dates. Since he's stated before that he needs his space sometimes, perhaps that's exactly what he's doing now. However, if you're not calling him just because he's not calling you then this cat and mouse game could go on forever and reach the point of no return.

If you care about this guy and want to continue your relationship, I'd pick up the phone and call him — what do you have to lose? If you don't reach him and he doesn't call you back then you might be right — he could be blowing you off. Of course, it would be ideal if he were to call you, but instead of sitting around and playing guessing games, I say step to the plate and make the call — you'll never know the outcome unless you try. Good luck!


Join The Conversation
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 8 years
I agree with giving him one more call and leaving a message for him to call you. Then, drop it from your mind. If he calls you back, swell. If not, it's already off your mind.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
He probably thought you were making an excuse not to talk to him. For god sakes call him and see if he acts normal or if he acts distant. It's doing you no good to sit at home wondering. Pick up the damn phone and call him.
Marci Marci 8 years
I'm with the group that thinks you should call him. It's not like you just started to get to know him. It's been 7 months. So call, and if you get him, fine. If not, leave a message and if he doesn't call back, drop him. Who needs to have to worry about stuff like phone calls after 7 months?
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
He said he doesn't want to be bothered because he's going through some things (sounds like a punk to me). fine. give him his space. i wouldn't call. even if you gave that one, "hey, mkaing sure you're still alive" call, it's gonna turn into YOU being a bug-a-boo. i say don't sweat it, and have cocktails with your friends. move on. if he calls you, and you feel like screwing, then great. no worries.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 8 years
As a rule, I don't sleep with someone unless I'm confident enough to call the guy up without worrying if I'm bothering him. Whether or not he's interested, I'd strongly suggest reevaluating this "relationship."
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
He said that he doesn't want to be bothered by anyone. I wouldn't call him. In my opinion, I think he may have lost interest. After seven months of talking on the phone every day, seeing each other two times a week, and having had sex, if you are the one that he wants, he would be your boyfriend by now, not pulling away. The prospect doesn't look good.
lovelie lovelie 8 years
I just got done reading "hes just not that into you" so I'm probably a little jaded. However, I think you should send him a text or call him...and just ask him hows hes doing..very non-chalant. If it is a simple "how ya doing" call and not an "inquiring where the hell have you been" call, you might be able to feel the situation out enough to know whether or not to move forward at all. If he is cold with you...screw him! If he's sweet and reciprical, maybe he was waiting for you to contact him. Who knows, I really think everything is situational and I refuse to make choices based on the book of the week.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 8 years
that exactly what I've been thinkin' MeggyP....JEBUS! is this the stone age????? If you like somebody you call...if you don't...well.... maybe since the conversation dropped the last time he thinks you hung up...after you didn't answer his calls...and probably on a plane or airport there's no even if he tried the couldn't get to you...Is he also not supposed to call you because YOU didn't pick up??? @ 28 &37, you would think people would smarten up...but I guess some get stuck in high school games forever.
Sporky Sporky 8 years
:ROTFL: Meggypoodles!
geebers geebers 8 years
Yeah this is so ridiculous. Are you a strong woman with a life? If so -call this guy and just ask him what is up. Problem solved. Really- I would have called him way before you did. But to be frank - this guy didnt bother to call all this time at all -did he sent a text or email or anything? Why are you wasting your time anyway? Unless you guys have a good relationship otherwise- this would turn me off very quickly and I would be dating other guys. I think there IS a limit to girls contacting guys- sometimes you need to chased.
MeggyPoodles MeggyPoodles 8 years
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but is this 1952? Since when is a woman not "supposed" to call the man she has been seeing for seven months? That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Call and see whats up. If he doesn't answer, decide for yourself to leave a message. If he doesn't call back, you have your answer right there! No skin off your nose :)
Blackwood Blackwood 8 years
maybe you can send a text message to him asking how has he been feeling lately, and telling him to give you a call if he's interested in seeing you, saying that you don't wish to bother him if he's pissed off. if he doesn't call, or at least sends you a text message to tell you that he's not in the mood for talking at the moment (but appreciates your concern, ahem), then don't bother with this man and ditch him already.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 8 years
I agree with you fluerfairy. I just feel like nothing good has ever come from me or my friends calling a guy, but so many more good things have come from them calling us. ;)
MisterPinkNoTip MisterPinkNoTip 8 years
Since you've been dating for a while now, I'd say just give him a call. I don't think I would recommend that if you'd only been dating for a couple weeks, but y'all have been seeing each other for seven months. Just call once, though.
fleurfairy fleurfairy 8 years
I never call guys. I'm very old-fashioned. I would just say wait it out a few more days and then concentrate on finding another guy (with less baggage) or spending time with your friends to distract yourself. I hate to use the old cliche phrase, but it sounds like "he's just not that into you." And usually f*** buddies do not magically become girlfriends.
TidalWave TidalWave 8 years
Oh man, I got into a huge painful argument with a guy I was dating and an awesome relationship basically ended just because I didn't call him back. I sent him a friendly text on a Saturday then went to hang out with some friends. We talked on the phone almost every day. So when he didn't call me Sunday night, I became curious. When he hadn't called by Wednesday night, I was worried! But I figured that I was the last one in contact so I refused to call him, it was "his turn." Monday of the following week he sends me an email, "I guess we're over?" I was so confused! I called him right up and screamed, "Why haven't you called me for a week?!" To which he responded with, "Why didn't you call me?" Basically, he was waiting for me to call him back after hanging out with my friends. And then I never called and he just gave up. That was a big mess.
Kelliegrl Kelliegrl 8 years
Since you've been dating for 7th months, I think it's ok to call to see if you two could touch base. Keep it real simple. If he doesn't return your call afterwards, then he's probably not looking for a relationship.
j2e1n9 j2e1n9 8 years
DO NOT CALL HIM! Never call men. Let them call you. He even said he doesnt like to be bothered. If he was really wondering why you havent called him, he would call you to find out. He WILL call you eventually, even if it takes a couple months. Please do not call him!
Sporky Sporky 8 years
I'd call him to see what's up. As zabrow said, if he doesn't call back after that, let it go.
karlotta karlotta 8 years
Just call and say hey. There's no rule that says the guy has to be the one to call you, especially after seven months. Maybe he's wondering why you're not calling either! Don't pine and wonder - just pick up the phone and dial! (and don't stress out about it - the more natural you are, the better...)
zabrow zabrow 8 years
i'd call & leave a message & then let it go after that. usually if a guy doesn't call it's because he's just not that into you.
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