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You Asked: He Hasn't Called in Over a Week

You Asked: He Hasn't Called in Over a Week

Dear Sugar,

I recently met a great guy (on We spent hours talking on the phone and he finally flew out to meet me. Our first date went really well. It was awkward at first, since I was a little taller than him, but the chemistry was definitely there. I dropped him off at his hotel and he invited me up to his room. At first we talked a while and then we ended up making out, very passionately. I told him we couldn't have sex and he respected that, and I finally went back to my house.

We were supposed to meet up the next day and he said he would call. I waited all day and no phone call. Finally in the evening, he called but since I was annoyed that he didn't call earlier, I didn't pick up. He left a message saying he was sorry, that he had to meet up with some friends, and that I should call him when I had the chance. I called him a couple of hours later, but he didn't answer and I didn't leave a message. It's been over a week and I haven't heard from him. What gives? Did he not see that I called? Do you think it had something to do with the fact that I wouldn't sleep with him? By the way, he didn't pay for the lunch or the movie.

—Very Annoyed Anna

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Very Annoyed Anna,

You may be thinking that there's a slight possibility that he didn't realize you called him back because you didn't leave a message, but if he really wanted to see you, he would have called you again, don't you think?

When first getting to know someone, it's important to be honest with each other, so you should NOT feel guilty for telling him you didn't want to have sex. Yes, if you made plans to hang out, he should have called you, but it sounds like you are playing the same game he is by ignoring his call. At the end of the day, if you think this could turn into something special, be the bigger woman and call him. Find out what he's thinking and feeling, see if he wants to pursue this relationship, and if not, at least you know where he stands once and for all. Good luck.


Join The Conversation
MissKate919 MissKate919 9 years
How interesting he has friends near by. If he wanted to see you again, he would not have been busy. From what you say, I wouldn't get too upset over this one anyway. He invited you up to his room, made out with you, and then was no where to be found the next day. Do yourself a favor and hear his message loud and clear. He is not ready for any type of relationship. This guy wants casual sex. There is no changing that, only he can change himself. Be thankful you didn't sleep with him, and that he let his true intentions shine through so soon! You deserve better.
Jeny Jeny 9 years
Chicago77 Chicago77 9 years
I agree that this seems so cliche, but since you didn't leave a message, I would call back one time. This time, if he doesn't answer, leave a message. The ball is in his court for the next move.
Cher412 Cher412 9 years
He probably didn't call to make plans because he was seeing some other girl in the area from Since he couldn't sleep with you, he was hoping he would have better luck with the next girl. The sad thing is he buys flights outside his area to sleep with other women because the ones around his hometown have either slept with him already or know about him. GOOD THINK YOU DIDN'T SLEEP WITH HIM!!! You saved yourself a lot of heartache and grief. There is much you could of done. Plain and simple - he's a DOG. A respectable guy would have treated you to lunch and not lead you on. I learned that most guys are on to "hook up" with girls. If you're looking for a serious, stable relationship, try eharmony instead.
niagra_girl niagra_girl 9 years
omg!!!!he is just a wasted of time...he seems was there only for sex. just take this bad experience for your onw good. he is a loser left a woman paid for his food thats wrong...just move on and meet real good guy's who u can see in real life and never meet someone alone!!!should be more careful next time
tinyspark tinyspark 9 years
lickety split has a good point there...he probably had other hookups arranged in case yours didn't pan out. let. him. go.
sugarbritches sugarbritches 9 years
Agree with above, time to move on!
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 9 years
OMG you wasted your day and MY day by writing up this crap about a scrub who doesn't answer his phone, unless it's a booty call!! isn't it obvious??? MOVE ON! and GEEZ! a plane ride away? stick to guys in your area. and none of this online dating shit. If u want to find a REAL guy, try a bar or somewhere UN-VIRTUAL.
nicachica nicachica 9 years
Honestly, just be thankful you didn't sleep with him! PLEASE do not go up to a hotel room with a guy you barely know even if you've talked to him online a lot. Online knowledge does not = Live knowledge of a person. EVER. And yes, this does sound like i've heard this question before...
fukmeimfamous fukmeimfamous 9 years
As harsh as this sounds...he just wasnt feeling you. Move on girl!
brownbeauty brownbeauty 9 years
this guy is a broke free loader you paid for the movie, food, and gave him a ride? stay awy from him
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
Online dates for me have been the absolute worst in terms of not knowing what the other person's motivations are. They have either been utter disasters or utterly confusing, as in your situation. My best guesses are that a) he was there for sex and did not get that, and now thinks he's wasting his time with you (ass!) or b) he's married or somehow not single in some way, and has decided since your date that it's not worth putting his other relationship on the line. Sorry to be so blunt, but I found out the hard way through my own experience and other friends' that most online dates we had fell into one of these two categories. Guys look for sex online, and a lot of them are cheating. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I hope you can move on.
purpleisafruit purpleisafruit 9 years
Harsh maybe: but, yes. It's definitely because you didn't sleep with him. Better to find out sooner rather than later though, eh?
bellydancinmary bellydancinmary 9 years
OMG!! What an ass he is! You can do WAY better than him. And he didn't pay?! That's a sign for me right there...they have to pay at least everything they ordered at a restaurant or for their ticket at the movie. AT LEAST. There are a ton of nicer, more understading guys out there that want to know you BEFORE they have sex with you and they WILL PAY FOR YOU ON YOUR DATES. Go out there looking sexy and cute and get 'em!
longhorn_sugar longhorn_sugar 9 years
this sounds super fishy....move on dot org! you can do better than him!
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
sounds likehe flew in to see more than one person....
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
Girl, be glade you didn't give him any shnoo-shnoo! then you would really feel bad about yourself. he's a knock-off Louis Vuitton. he was just trying to use you. you deserve a real Louis Vuitton with a pair of Louboutin's . . .and you will find that. meet with guys that live in your town. and have a friend go one the date (hidden at the starbucks across the street from the restaurant). men are stronger than us physically, and there are men who spend all day conjuring up ways to get women. and don't go making out with ppl until the 2nd date (with online guys) he couldn't had oral herpes, or hepatitis. Ok, i know that's extreme, but you can't just date ppl anymore. it's a wild world out there girl.
lolabella lolabella 9 years
uh, YOU are supposed to call HIM? yeah, no way. this should be reversed. move on. there are tons of other guys online, as well as at the supermarket. this guy's a loser.
the-makeup-blogette the-makeup-blogette 9 years
just be glad this is happening now. move on. he doesnt seem worth your time. there will be other great guys out there who can have chemistry with you too.
courtneyh courtneyh 9 years
He's just not that into you.
prettypopj prettypopj 9 years
its simple-if a guy likes you he will call and want to see you and wont stop calling ect-no games no fuss x
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
Um, I agree with everyone here. Date locally if possible. Be careful with people you date over on the internet, sure, you may feel 'close' to them after the corresponding and texting/calling, but you don't really know them. Always let everyone you know (friends, family), where you'll be going, to check up on you after the date and never go to their 'house' or hotel room on the first date. He may be just there to find a fbuddy while visiting his friends, but since you didn't give it up, so it's on to the next conquest with him (I won't even doubt it if it turned out that he's seeing another girl in your hometown--after getting turned down by you). Another thing, I really don't think it was a date, since he doesn't even split the stuff with you. Call me traditional/oldie or what have you, but in my book, it's a date-date when he asked you out and actually paid for your dinner. I split my bill with my male friends and when I ended up dating one of them, he picked up the tab (the first few dates anyway) because the dynamic has changed from friendship to dating. You don't 'owe' him anything and he doesn't even 'owe' you anything, now move on to the next guy on :D (find the local one, though). Good luck.
nyaradzom2001 nyaradzom2001 9 years
Move on, he doesn't sound like all that either, get a taller guy.
Beauty Beauty 9 years
If a dude isn't calling you, he's not interested. Move on and find Mr. Awesome—he's out there!
tabloidprincess tabloidprincess 9 years
Don't wait around for him. You deserve better. Move on honey.
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