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You Asked: He Planned a Vacation Without Me!

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year and half, but we have been friends for about three years. Before I moved to Chicago, we had a long-distance relationship. I frequently flew between the East Coast and the Midwest to see him, although he never visited me. During the entire time we have been dating, we discussed going on a vacation together. Numerous times we both mentioned going on a short trip to NYC and discussed planning a bigger trip to Turkey this Summer.

I just found out that my boyfriend planned a two-week vacation for this Summer with old college friends to Prague. This trip includes people he has known for a few years, as well as their female companions. Not only was I not informed of this trip, but I'm also not invited. I feel extremely hurt. Some of my friends think I am overreacting but I feel still feel wronged because of our previous plans. If I had been invited by a group of my friends to go on a trip, I know I would have extended the invitation to him. Do you think I am blowing this out of proportion or am I justified in my reaction?
— Left in the Dust Diandra

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Dear Left in the Dust Diandra,

I have to say that I'd be just as upset as you are if I was in our shoes. It would be one thing if your boyfriend was going on a guys' trip with old buddies from college, but the fact that their significant others are going, too, and you're not invited, makes me think there are much deeper problems here. Now that you're aware of the trip, have you flat-out asked him why he doesn't want to bring you? Have you met these friends before? Are there any rifts that could cause an awkward vacation for the group? Have things been rocky in your relationships lately?

Since I don't know the answers to these questions, I can only speculate as to why he's shutting you out. I would have a heart to heart with him, try to get some of your questions answered, and use this situation to touch base with regards to the bigger picture. It's very clear that he's being selfish, but instead of taking the defensive approach, let him know how he's made you feel: sad, left out, hurt, etc. At the end of the day Diandra, you're feelings are absolutely justified, but be aware that he might not budge. If that's the case, you need to determine if you want to continue dating someone who doesn't include you on such adventures, especially after a year and a half of dating. I wish you luck.


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