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You Asked: Is He a Player?

Dear Sugar,

Ever since I met the guy I am currently dating, I've been having the best of times. We're great friends and when I'm with him, I feel like I can be myself — I don't have to pretend to be someone I'm not just to please him. We're getting to be pretty close now, and I used to be so sure that this was what I wanted, but now I'm having second thoughts.

When we started seeing each other, rumors started to sky-rocket. They aren't rumors about us; they were rumors of his past that have been troubling me. According to everyone, he's a player. I really like this guy, but I don't want to put my feelings out there if I'm only going to get hurt. What should I do? — Protecting Myself Maureen

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Protecting Myself Maureen,

The thing about dating and starting a new relationship is you have to treat your relationship like it's the only one you have both ever experienced. We all have pasts, we all have done our fair share of things we aren't proud of with ex's, but if you continue to put so much emphasis on rumors, you might ruin a potentially great relationship.

Just because he was considered a "player" before he met you, it isn't to say that he can't be a great boyfriend to someone he truly cares about. Being single and playing the field is important when trying to figure out what it is that you like and don't like. Remember, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.

Trust your gut instincts with this guy. If you haven't already had the exclusive talk, now's the time to do so. Once you are on the same page, leave the past in the past and try your hardest to ignore idle gossip and enjoy your time together. Good luck!


Join The Conversation
sherylgoh sherylgoh 9 years
take things slow, get to know him more before you get too deep into it. you will find out the answer yourself whether he is a good guy or player... good luck...
scoop45 scoop45 9 years
Dear Sugar right on the money! Lol
onesong onesong 9 years
go with your gut and find out for yourself! i myself was quite the "player" before i met my boyfriend (aka always initiating the "i don't want to be exclusive and i'm seeing other people so if you want that i'm not your girl" talk)...but he was more than enough for me and now i'm happily settled (and living with him). lots of times people date a lot because they never find the right person...but when they do they settle down right quick! good luck and don't believe the hype ;)
amybdk amybdk 9 years
Dear gave great advice.
LolaDub LolaDub 9 years
trust your gut feeling..not nobody else..and the past is the past...if u have second thoughts then ask him about it. remember honesty is key ;)
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 9 years
Dear Sugar is right, just because he dated around a lot doesn't make him a bad person. He just didn't find the right person, that right person could be you. If he treats you the way you want to be treated, then who cares what other people think? It is all gossip anyways. A false rumor can grow and morph like wildfire. All it takes it one burned ex girlfriend that can create a bad reputation. You know how girls gossip. Don’t trust everything you hear – unless it is coming directly from him. My advice is to ask him. Seriously. Ask him. Give him the change to clear the air about what you have been hearing and maybe you will find that all those rumors are not true.
meganshirley meganshirley 9 years
Trust your intuition. Never trust rumours ... especially when they come from people who arent your friends. Ask him in a diplomatic way ... let him know what you are hearing. This could be a great opportunity to trust him and him trust you. Communication with HIM is what matters.
MiyabiNa MiyabiNa 9 years
who is telling these rumors? Is it other women out there to sabotage the relationship so they get a chance? Is it his guy friends who feel like you're taking him away from them? You shouldn't believe rumors right off the bat!!! It's called a RUMOR for a reason.... I say take some time to find out for said it's going great and you're taking it day by day..just keep on doing that! You don't wanna lose a potentially great guy. I know people considered my bf a "player" cuz he was just ALWAYS friendly with people and had lots of female friends...AND he is super gorgeous looking with a great wardrobe and great car ;) but I liked him too much (since I first met him years before) to feel too threatened by what I HEARD, and I found out for myself (when we FINALLY got past the friend thing to relationship) that my bf is the most sweetest, dedicated boyfriend. I found out that he's very loyal and is TOTALLY the opposite of a "player" when he's in relationships, and even in-between relationships he wasn't out there trying to bed anyone that threw themselves at him (and trust me, there were PLENTY throwing themselves) bf actually had standards and he preferred a certain type of girl and desires strong lasting relationships...picky if you wanna call it that... had I listened to stuff "out there", I would have lost my absolutely wonderful love of my life... =)
Jinx Jinx 9 years
Good Answer Dear.
Marci Marci 9 years
My fiance was a HUGE player before I met him. Women love him and he pretty much loved them back. :D We met through a mutual friend, and that person told me not get too close with him too soon because he had the feeling he was very busy with a lot of women. I wasn't really looking for a relationship and he and I got along great, so I just decided to take it a day at a time and not analyze things or look down the road. Our relationship grew from that without any pressure - which I think this type of guy needs. They don't want to feel like someone's trying to pin them down, and a lot of women try to do that with guys. So if you can just go along with things for now, see where they lead, you could have a real winner on your hands because once my fiance decided to take the plunge, he's the greatest partner anyone could ask for.
NdHebert NdHebert 9 years
Find out for yourself. :) You could have a fabulous man on your hands, that you could lose due to rumors. Or you could have a jerk and hopefully you find out before it gets too serious, then you end things. Either way, you should come out happy in the end!
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