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You Asked: Is He Sincere?

Dear Sugar,

I met this really amazing guy about two months ago, and we hit it off extremely well. Soon after I met him we both exchanged pieces of rather fragile information. I have an STI, and he is a virgin. It was kind of awkward after he told me, because it felt like totally opposite situations. I'm a very affectionate girl and he wasn't used to that either.

He told me the other night that he was ready to sleep with me but I don't know how to react. I don't know if I'm ready, not because I don't care about him but because I don't believe that he's ready. I think he just wants to get it over with, and it doesn't matter if it's with me or any other girl. I really want it to be special for him. How do I tell if he's sincere?

— Uncertain About Sex Sasha

To see DearSugar's answer,

.

Dear Uncertain About Sex Sasha,

You're dating a guy who you have a good connection with so it's really no surprise to me that he wants to have sex with you. Though I hear your concerns that he's just out to have sex with someone, if that were the case, I'd guess he would have had sex already. Instead, he's waited until he feels comfortable enough with you, which has included opening up about his virginity and learning about your STI. Now if you're not ready to have sex with him that's totally fine — just because you've had sex before doesn't mean that you have to be ready now — but don't be afraid to have this conversation with him. Let him in on your worries, and see if there's something you can do together to make you feel more secure, though more time might be just the thing. If he is sincere, then he'll be OK waiting for you. Once you're both ready and you guys have discussed STI prevention and testing, go for it!

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Join The Conversation
AlexE70 AlexE70 8 years
Be safe, use protection, and go with the flow. Thinking too much can ruin the moment. And trust me, whether it's great, grand, or bland, he'll always remember you. ;-)
ilanac13 ilanac13 8 years
i think that this advice or response is dead on. i think that with guys, if they wanted to be de-virginized, he would have already - and being with you, even knowing that you have an STI, well that means that he wants to do it with you. i think that it's ok if you feel like maybe it's not the right time, and you can tell him that. i don't know how long you've been together, but sometimes even though you're more experienced, you could be less ready to take the next step. it seems like you guys are able to talk about anything, so just talk about this one and hopefully you can figure things out that works for both of you.
omilawd omilawd 8 years
If he wanted to have sex with just anyone, he would have had it with someone else already. He's choosing to lose his virginity to YOU, so be honored, learn some STI prevention, and have fun.
Poster-of-a-Girl Poster-of-a-Girl 8 years
I think people who are sexually active are a lot more hung up on the "specialness" of virginity than the virgins are. He's made his decision, he's ready. Treat it like any other dude: Are YOU ready? If so, have fun and be safe :P
nicole815 nicole815 8 years
love the picture of the couple from the 80s!
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 8 years
you know what every girl i know who tried to make it special really wishes she had done something different. I was with the guy that i practically was in lvoe with [it was complicated, and not really reciprocated] and was in a way.. coerced, but never in my life have i regretted what happened, or who it happened with. I look back on the whole thing with a smile, even though the WHOLE TIME i was afraid that i wasn't really ready. So I say, let him really decide. He's probably thought about it enough already.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
My first was my husband but it definitely wasn't the most memorable time we've ever had sex.
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
Make it special for him. Maybe he'll regret it later but that depends on how your relationship plays out not if the event itself was what he wanted at the time. Trust the words he says and have a great and safe time.
Ac2366 Ac2366 8 years
Ha my first was not special either. He was and is a complete jerk who just wanted to sleep with a virgin. The sex wasn't even great. Ok so I take it back, he will always remember you but you might not be special. If you have to think about it so much deep down you probably don't want to do it.
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
I AM a mother!!! sorry... I meant NOT a virgin. ***Teenagers listening in on this conversation!! I don't know about the first being special and all that... my first was a jerk...and there was nothing 'special' about it. I don't know a single grown woman who would say that her first, unless she married him, was more special than her long-term boyfriend or husband. It's not a goal to 'have' or 'take' someone's virginity because you can't have it...they just lose something that they cannot get back. Think about it long and hard before you do an irreversible act.
Mesayme Mesayme 8 years
He should be the one with the conflict, you have the STI that endangers his health. If he cares enough about you to risk his health then at least be responsible enough to make him wear a condom. I'm not a mother and a woman without any STIs and I wouldn't have sex with a virgin unless there was no question to ask. Sounds like you're only concerned about yourself.
Ac2366 Ac2366 8 years
Does it really matter? He wants to sleep with you. Be his first and make him remember you. He'll remember you no matter what just because you are his first and you will always be special to him. Hopefully you won't be passing on your STI to him so be careful with that. Good luck and don't over think things.
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 8 years
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