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You Asked: He Texts but Won't Ask Me Out

You Asked: He Texts but Won't Ask Me Out


There is a guy that I've been talking to for five months now. We text message every day and he usually initiates the conversations, but he hasn't asked me out yet. He was in a messy two-year relationship so I understand that he might not be ready to start something with me, but his flirtatious messages leave me confused and I'm starting to lose my patience here. Does it seem like this guy is interested but not ready? Does he just see me as a friend? Or is he like me, waiting to be asked out? I analyze this situation in my head over and over again but can't seem to come up with the answers. Do you have any advice? — Aggravated Angie

Dear Aggravated Angie

Talking via text message for five months without going out on a date makes me think one of three things. Either A) he has a girlfriend, B) he isn't interested in taking the relationship to the next level, or C) he's just not ready to be in a relationship again. It sounds like you're waiting for him to make the move, but instead of wasting any more time I'd just come right out and ask what his intentions are. I understand that we live in a very technological word, but as Greg Behrendt said, "If you're comfortable having an entire relationship on text, that's up to you, but you basically teach people how to treat you."

I hope you get the answers you need so you can either move forward in this relationship or put this man behind you. Good luck!

— Additional reporting by Alexis Nordby

Image Source: Shutterstock
Join The Conversation
Nurawr Nurawr 8 years
I sort of understand what you're going through. i've been msn-ing and texting this particular guy for a year now. when we talk on the phone, it's just ME talking. he don't. not even to say hi. recently we sort of separated (kind of) and it's hard. i mean, it might not be a real relationship seeing that we've NEVER once went out together. what hurt was ... (backtrack a little) he's been going out with this other girl who he said is his friend. Colleague and stuff. I know he isn't the kind of guy who cheats but it hurt when he said the other time he'd wanted to fetch me from work but i was too busy so i didn't reply his text. so instead, he fetched the girl. damn, right? and he said... because the girl doesn't know him as well as i do, it's easier to go out with her, it's like going out with a buddy. but to go out with me, he'd feel panicky, like what should he do and living up to expectations (which i dont impose on him). He said to meet me would be pressurizing and he's feeling tiresome to go through those feelings. might i add, if you take the subway, me and him, we're only half hour away from each other. -_-
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
You're his backup...
nicky360 nicky360 8 years
Ex or none- do you really want to pursue a relationship with someone who basically acts like a jerk; especially if he is single and putting forth no effort to court you. Just think, you could be stuck in a relationship with an a$$h@!e. I agree with all of the others- run!
PeachyKeen19 PeachyKeen19 8 years
alekona81, that's exactly what happened to me and then it got sticky...and also I agree with sprinkibrio (that's what happened to me too but I was initially in total denial). And lastly, TidalWave, you finished my life story there! So true, it started like that for me actually and then when things worked out he struggled for awhile in ending things but did it eventually and it totally messed with me. So in the end the best advice is to figure out the truth and end it if it isn't right for you. I didn't just text with my guy, we used to talk too, but it just led to much of the same. Only you know what's best for you and you deserve so much better, so don't let him hurt you anymore than he has.
TidalWave TidalWave 8 years
I wan to change my response. I completely agree with sprinkibrio. Him and his "ex" have never broke up and are very much still together. Perhaps they were having a rocky period when he started talking to you so he told you he was single even though he wasn't. He probably thought in the back of his head that if him and his gf did break up, he at least had you - but since they haven't, he doesn't know how to let you go and honestly does like the attention. Regardless, he's not that interested at all. Seriously, what guy is going to talk to a girl for 5 months and not show an interest in sleeping with her?
tarynitup tarynitup 8 years
I want to add that this is a lame way for him to feel like someone is thinking about him while putting in the LEAST amount of effort. DTMF!!!
tarynitup tarynitup 8 years
Who cares what he has (girlfriend, nervousness, etc.)!!! Is this the way you want to be treated?!?! If not, do you have the time and energy to put in to training him to be the man you want him to be? If the answer is no to either of these questions, be clear with him that you're not looking for a text message friend!!! I did this with a guy and guess what? He stopped texting me, he NEVER asked me out, and I DON'T MISS HIM!
sprinkibrio sprinkibrio 8 years
He's still with his "ex" and having an emotional affair with you. PLAIN AND SIMPLE.
chatondeneige chatondeneige 8 years
I'd say if this was like, a week or two, maybe give it time. But it's been months. Even if he was into you to begin with, and he was just super busy (I text all the time when I'm busy!) he obviously isn't feeling it anymore.
alltherage alltherage 8 years
Yeah... he's just not that into you. Move on you deserve better.
Taadie Taadie 8 years
sundaygreen sundaygreen 8 years
It's sounds like a comfortable way out for him - he gets that feeling of female companionship / comradery, but without actually meeting or even TALKING face to face. Even though he might like you as a friend I think he's just using you, honey. If he was interested he would have asked you out ages ago.
2Anonymous 2Anonymous 8 years
Yep, he has a girlfriend or married. I know because that's how my ex cheated on me. I found out later that it had started with some flirting text messages that went on for about two months until they finally met and slept together. If you've been seriously flirting (especially about sexual desires) and he isn't meeting up with you...he's attached. No honest single man would pass up "booty" just because he's shy!
allieperez allieperez 8 years
I thought I was the only one with this issue. Except we talk and text and have tried to meet up but no dice and not for lack of trying but with both of us in school and work it's kind of hard. But I can't figure out if it's just friends or trying for more. I get compliments all the time from him but who knows. Guys are just to confusing for me.
SusanTeufel SusanTeufel 8 years
I love all the honesty, and agree. If he won't commit to a simple phone call, what thinks he'll commit to a relationship?
vmruby vmruby 8 years
After 5 months of nothing else but texting each other I'm wondering why you're even asking this question.I think if the answer were any more obvious it would be biting you in the a$$.......
lifeloveandlattes lifeloveandlattes 8 years
I hate these kinds of questions. Why don't you just ASK HIM?
khadeekiinsz khadeekiinsz 8 years
He's TEXTING you? and you're madd he's not asking you out? Wow, that just sounds dumb. Has he ever even CALLED you?
lindssaurussss lindssaurussss 8 years
I think hes stringing you along and you've been holding tight for the past 5months. Its just givin him an ego boost i say ask whats really up or just ignore him. it doesnt take 5months to ask someone out.
urban-chic-101 urban-chic-101 8 years
I agree with lickety split. I say ignore him... if he comes after you then you know he is interested. Make him work for it. If he really is interested he will grow a pair and call you. Best of luck! :)
tyffi tyffi 8 years
Ask him out or stop texting him, but stop waiting for him to make the first move. If he hasn't done it yet, he won't do it any time soon.
tomatoshirt tomatoshirt 8 years
I know this sounds really harsh and since you like the guy you probably don't want to hear this, but RUN before you get hurt!!! I actually dated a guy who only text...please run for your life!
acemonkey acemonkey 8 years
I think I would just ask him out casually, say for coffee or something. If he says no, then there's your answer. At least then you would know and quit wasting your time.
PeachyKeen19 PeachyKeen19 8 years
Gosh, this just reminded of a guy I used to know. Made me a little (just a little) sad :( Good luck, hon.
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