I've been dating a great guy for five years now, but often I am annoyed by his sarcastic, hostile, and almost snobbish attitude. Sometimes it just seems like he can't be nice or get along with anyone — he's even mean to his friends. I love him very much, and he says that he loves me, too, but I'm not sure I can handle this anymore. We've been through so much together, but lately things are getting too hard.
My family doesn't trust him, and ever since I got into a spat with his brother whom he lives with, conversations with his family have been very strained. I feel uncomfortable when I'm at his parents' house, and I can tell they now have some animosity towards me. I've tried talking to my boyfriend about all of these issues, but he doesn't like to discuss them so instead he ignores me, and they get worse. In fact, he can't have a real adult conversation without getting angry and being childish. Am I just completely stuck? What do I do?
— Sick of His Attitude Alice
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Dear Sick of His Attitude Alice,
If you're asking whether or not you're stuck with his sarcastic behavior then the answer is yes. As long as you stay with someone who refuses to change his bad attitude or even discuss it, then you'll always be dealing with it. However, you're never stuck in your relationship. It can take a long time to accept and process, but learning that love is not always enough to make for a healthy or happy relationship is an important lesson. Things like communication, respect, personal responsibilities, and family can all play a very serious role in determining the success of a couple.
It sounds like you've just about hit your breaking point, so perhaps now is the time to try taking some time apart while you both figure out if you want to continue to invest yourselves in this relationship. And don't be afraid to let your boyfriend know that his inability to talk with you makes it impossible for your relationship to grow or change. I think it's important that he understands the role he plays in your frustration. Whatever happens, always remind yourself that you're never stuck in an unhappy situation; there's always a solution, even if it's a scary one.