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You Asked: He's Too Sarcastic

You Asked: He's Too Sarcastic

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating a great guy for five years now, but often I am annoyed by his sarcastic, hostile, and almost snobbish attitude. Sometimes it just seems like he can't be nice or get along with anyone — he's even mean to his friends. I love him very much, and he says that he loves me, too, but I'm not sure I can handle this anymore. We've been through so much together, but lately things are getting too hard.

My family doesn't trust him, and ever since I got into a spat with his brother whom he lives with, conversations with his family have been very strained. I feel uncomfortable when I'm at his parents' house, and I can tell they now have some animosity towards me. I've tried talking to my boyfriend about all of these issues, but he doesn't like to discuss them so instead he ignores me, and they get worse. In fact, he can't have a real adult conversation without getting angry and being childish. Am I just completely stuck? What do I do?

— Sick of His Attitude Alice

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Sick of His Attitude Alice,

If you're asking whether or not you're stuck with his sarcastic behavior then the answer is yes. As long as you stay with someone who refuses to change his bad attitude or even discuss it, then you'll always be dealing with it. However, you're never stuck in your relationship. It can take a long time to accept and process, but learning that love is not always enough to make for a healthy or happy relationship is an important lesson. Things like communication, respect, personal responsibilities, and family can all play a very serious role in determining the success of a couple.

It sounds like you've just about hit your breaking point, so perhaps now is the time to try taking some time apart while you both figure out if you want to continue to invest yourselves in this relationship. And don't be afraid to let your boyfriend know that his inability to talk with you makes it impossible for your relationship to grow or change. I think it's important that he understands the role he plays in your frustration. Whatever happens, always remind yourself that you're never stuck in an unhappy situation; there's always a solution, even if it's a scary one.


Join The Conversation
RubberDogTurds RubberDogTurds 9 years
Unfortunately, this may boil down to an ultimatium scenario. Like TidalWave mentioned, you may need to show him how serious you are by suggesting counseling, or at least some in depth form of expressing your emotions. If he refuses, it might be the epiphany you're understandably trying so hard to deny... you two just aren't compatible enough to spend the rest of your life together. While it's easy to be mad at his behavior, you also need to realize that this is just the nature of some people. He may not see it as being offensive and cruel because it is just his "style" and personality. I know a lot of people like that and I am lucky enough that nothing really offends me and I can see their true nature, if they're actually mean or just accidentally come off that way. Good luck!
TidalWave TidalWave 9 years
You two should seek counseling. He is definitely insecure, hence why he has to put everyone down just to feel better about himself.
Janine22 Janine22 9 years
If you can't communicate with him, and he is not even willing to try, then there is no hope for a healthy relationship in the future. Sorry to be blunt, but I really think that communication is the most important thing in a love relationship.
tina_marie tina_marie 9 years
life is too short...
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I agree with Princess_eab. You just had a taste of what it would be like to be married to him, and how he would handle problems you have with his family (your would-be in-laws). Do not marry this man. With that said, cut your losses, and dump him. You would be better off in the long run.
cjmara805 cjmara805 9 years
I was with a guy for a few months like that... I couldn't handle his uppity snobbish superiority complex attitude.
ajennilynrushhh ajennilynrushhh 9 years
My friend was in the same situation and they finally broke up! My cousin is in the same situation also, but she won't leave because she's saying they've been through a lot and it's hard! So I agree with everyone else, DUMP HIM already! Seriously, do you want to keep dealing with him? YOU deserve sooooo much better.
Muirnea Muirnea 9 years
runningesq: "Some sarcasm can be funny. Not being able to have an adult conversation and being an *sshole is another story. dump." Agreed. People can be sarcastic without hurting feelings, trust me. He doesn't even want to try to make anything better! Nothing will change, unless you change it...get rid of him.
AyrtonSenna AyrtonSenna 9 years
So, in a nutshell, this guy is sarcastic, hostile, snobbish, mean, ignores you, will not listen, and is angry and childish. Your family does not like him, and his family does not like you. Solution? Two words... DUMP HIM
MartiniLush MartiniLush 9 years
Why are you even with him? It sounds like he is totally lacking in redeeming qualities - dump him! The only person he loves is himself!
runningesq runningesq 9 years
Some sarcasm can be funny. Not being able to have an adult conversation and being an asshole is another story. dump.
luv_bug1211 luv_bug1211 9 years
Dump him, dump him now. It may seem harsh but if he isnt even capable of having adult conversations then how is he having an adult relationship?
Jude-C Jude-C 9 years
I'm really sorry, but what is supposed to be so great about this guy? He sounds like a Class A tool. NOT a keeper.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 9 years
by the way thats not sarcasm. thats douchebag.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 9 years
the two other comments are being wayyy too nice and giving this shitbag the benefit of the doubt. by listing all the horrible things about him you answered your own question... you are stuck because you are making yourself that way. have some dignity and walk away from him. he will never change and obviously things just keep getting worse. don't make excuses for this guy. you don't love him because how could you love someone that treats you that way? and he clearly doesn't love you just by his actions. he can tell you he loves you til he's blue in the face that doesn't mean he actually does, it just means hes a decent liar and talks a good enough game that your low self esteem just eats up for some reason. walk away, cuz youll regret it sooo much more later if you dont.
chanel87 chanel87 9 years
wow you just described what i am going through right now.. exact words
chanel87 chanel87 9 years
wow you just told my whole life story. we are in it together hunn
princess_eab princess_eab 9 years
Do. Not. Marry. Him. One of my good friends ended up marrying this guy who picks arguments with everyone over anything. He is the biggest downer and so aggressive and rude. I can't believe some of the crap he comes out with. She's always apologizing for him, getting in fights with him (in public, always, even at 2 weddings we were guests at!), etc. etc. Well, they broke up and got back together, broke up and got back together, we tried to have an intervention, but no luck, he just hates us more now. Ugh. She always seemed so miserable to me, but she really wanted to get married, so... Anyway, basically, this guy will not change, and may get worse. How many years of your life do you want to spend apologizing for him?
HonestMuffin HonestMuffin 9 years
Oh no! What a tough situation. All I can say is if you can't talk it out, and he doesn't listen to you... he may be a little selfish. That's not fair to you. I agree with Dear, take a break lady! You seem very smart and capable. Go with your gut instinct.
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