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You Asked: He Wants a Break But Still Wants Sex

Dear Sugar,

I stopped talking to my boyfriend for about a week and a half, because I felt like he had no consideration for my feelings. He is always too busy for me, and I don't feel like I am a priority in his life. We have been together for three years, and when I try to talk to him about this and tell him it doesn't make me feel loved, he says I'm crazy and he doesn't want to listen to it. I feel like relationships require work, and he thinks that they don't.

A week has gone by with no talking except for fighting through emails. We finally talked last night, and he told me this is hard for him because he is still in love with me. He thinks we need to take a break for a couple months, so we don't fight, but says we should still have sex. He says he can't even think about being with someone else right now because he is so sexually addicted to me. I asked if he would go to counseling, but he said not right away, that we need this break. I'm confused. I know we've been fighting a lot but I don't see the purpose of being separated for months. Is he just trying to get out without hurting me more, or do you think he really wants this time to evaluate what he feels in his heart?

He came over last night. He wanted to have sex but didn't know if it would
be a good idea because he didn't want me to get sad. So I pretended it was just sex. Afterward he kept telling me he loved me over and over and wouldn't let me go. He kept hugging and kissing me, and told me he bought my daughter stuff for Christmas. I feel like if this is how it's going to be, I'm just going to try and live like we aren't getting back together. I'm not going to let him think I need him even though I told him I loved him back last night. I'm just going to be independent, finish school, go out with my friends, etc. I never thought it would come to this. Any advice?

—Heartbroken and Confused

To see Dear Sugar's answer


Dear Heartbroken and Confused,

You have been with this guy for three years and you feel like he doesn't appreciate you, and when you try to talk to him about it, he won't listen to you? Then he says he wants to take a break, but still wants to keep having sex with you? I know it's hard to see when you're the one in the relationship, so I'll be the one to tell you. This guy has no respect for you. He's acting immature and selfish, and if he won't try to make this work, then he obviously doesn't care about this relationship.

If I were you, I'd cut off all relations with this guy. Don't talk to him. Don't email him. Don't see him and definitely do NOT have sex with him. He's toying with your emotions, and even though you said that it was "just sex," it's not true. You have a history with this man, so anything you do with him involves your feelings.

It's time to give yourself the respect you deserve by not allowing this guy to be with you anymore. It will be really difficult to break up with him for good, but it's the right thing to do. A break will only hurt you and draw this out longer than it needs to be. Do what you said. Be independent, finish school, spend time with your friends. Don't give this guy any more of your precious time. He doesn't deserve you.


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