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You Asked: He's Well-Endowed and it Hurts!

You Asked: He's Well-Endowed and it Hurts!

Dear Sugar--

Me and my guy finally had sex last night and it was good except for one thing - He is big! I don't know if it's just the kind of thing where is hurts the first time and gets better or is there such thing as just not fitting all together. Can a guy be too big for you? He is not unearthly big but still enough to give me some difficulties. Do you think we can still have a good sexual relationship?

--In Pain Pamela

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear In Pain Pamela--

If sex hurts, I'm thinking you need a little more below-the-belt lubrication! You definitely need to make sure that you are giving foreplay a good amount of time, to get your internal juices flowing. If that's not happening, you can use an over the counter lubricant like Astroglide or KY Jelly.

You may also want to take it really slow when you try again next time. Stick to sexual positions that keep you in control of the movements and the depth of penetration. Keep adding lubrication as you need it.

I would also suggest talking to him about this so the next time you guys do the deed, you won't be so nervous, and he can be a little bit more gentle and attentive to your needs. I think you guys can definitely have a great sexual relationship, just as long as you are open and honest with each other. Also, remember that intercourse isn't the only way you can be intimate with someone, so get creative with how you express your love. Hope this helps!


Join The Conversation
PinkNC PinkNC 10 years
I agree with Debra up there. Go slow and try other things that excite you before you become intimate. And I don't mean just 10 minutes before. Try it once and see how long it takes, and figure out what you like that can relax you, so that it feels more comfortable to you. And be sure to explain all this to him. Don't leave him out in the dark about anything. He may have some suggestions too. And plus the fact that it's not fair if he doesn't know everything, therefore he's having all the fun and pleasure out of it. That is that last thing you would want in your relationship with him. Start it off well in every department.
Daddisgrl Daddisgrl 10 years
Pam, you don't say if this is your 1st time or not... If it is, it will take time.. follow what the others say and relax.. if he is very wide, I'm sorry, but yes, there is a thing as too big. I don't care how much lube you use or how many babies come out, some men (I've only run into 1) are too huge.
SuzieHeumann SuzieHeumann 10 years
The ancient texts (Kama Sutra, Ananga Ranga, Taoists) have a lot to say about the different sizes of penises and vaginas. There are three different categories for each making nine combinations. Your fit isn't one of the matching ones but that doesn't mean there isn't a lot you can do to have supreme pleasure. -There are literally thousands of different positions when you account for subtle physical shifts that can really put a better 'angle' on the situation. Don't overreact - shift a bit, especially the angle of penetration. Get playful so that you can figure out what works. -Be turned on already before he enters you. On a scale of 1 - 10 reach for 7 -8 before you jump on him. Woman-on-top may be best initially for figuring out that angle thing. -Do your Kegels. You'll have more elasticity, better gripping power and you'll be more turned on and orgasmically potentiated if you do a lot of them regularly. -Help him be an extraordinary lover. Lots of men with big penises get lazy because they think that big is all it takes. So not right! The G-spot is 1 1/2 inches inside the vagina. Long, slow shallow thrusts combined with gentle deep ones (gentle if he's big - harder if he's not) is the formula for her ecstasy and for him to last longer. Practice makes perfect so become an expert! ps- try more organic types of lubes instead of the petroleum based or synthetic ones. There are great ones out there and they tend to feel much more like your own natural juices.
missro21 missro21 10 years
I had a different problem -- he was too long! And I never got use to it. I can adjust to big meaning wide, but big and long was so painful that I eventually stopped wanting sex with him.
laurent laurent 10 years
In Mario Puzo's novel "The Godfather," the character of Santino Corleone possesses a similar trait about the size of his manhood (this is greatly downplayed in the film with James Cann's character, though much more prevalent in the novel). One of his mistresses is grateful at Sonny's size as she cannot garner satisfaction from anyone possessing less than his endowment due to a medical condition of hers that is later surgically corrected, after which point her fulfillment is found with men of lesser endowment. I am certainly not saying that surgery is the answer; rather, consider time the great equalizer. In time, you will know whether or not you can physically accommodate your man, and in time alternatives will fade leaving a solution to your quest for complete satisfaction.
sass317 sass317 10 years
I agree with reeses too- I had this issue with a bf in college- it was one of the main reasons I broke up with him- I couldnt deal with getting physically sick when we had sex- he would hit something (I guess it was my cervix) that left me racing for the bathroom and throwing up. He felt terrible about it, but there wasnt anything we could do, we just didnt fit, and it wasnt bc Im some tiny girl- Im almost 6 feet tall.
SexyNeverLeft78 SexyNeverLeft78 10 years
Starr is right on the money regarding your cervix. If your cervix is low and your man is long, now amount of luricant will help with the beating your cervix is taking. If he is wide and your are tight, good lub and lots of PRACTICE will strech you out in no time. HAHA as weird as your question sounds, I've been there before and broke up with a guy over it. PS- Yoga helps *wink*
Starryeyeddreamer Starryeyeddreamer 10 years
Wow Reeses' answer is dead on. You can work with a width issue, but not so much with depth. There's just no way for sex to be comfortable if you cervix is taking a beating the entire time.
Deba Deba 10 years
And when I told my bf about the "size problem" he just felt proud... oh idiot! Lol
Deba Deba 10 years
Ok.... Im super petite and when I met boyfriend I had the exact same problem. I never used lube because it feels odd. So what he does is that he gives a good foreplay and then starts really slow... by that time the vagina has already streched out. I dont think that a "big one" is a problem... :EVIL:
trala1 trala1 10 years
Thats not a problem at all, good for you. All girls go through this, hopefully....First time is always like that with a well endowed guy. Its gets better the second time.
princess_eab princess_eab 10 years
I'm extra small so I've had this problem no matter WHO I am with! It's frustrating! Have him stimulate you for a LONG time first (not to get graphic, but to use his fingers or a toy on the inside AND outside, stimulating your G-spot as well) and try to have an orgasm before you have intercourse.... I found this relaxes me. That way you are set up for an internal orgasm. And make sure he goes extremely slow. Use a TON of lube, both on you and on. I don't like K-Y or Astroglide because they're too sticky and when they dry on skin, skin is liable to tear. We use Liquid Silk, which is more like moisturizing lube and not sticky-- you can buy it at good luck!
rubialala rubialala 10 years
I think it will get better. Lots of foreplay helps, and Astroglide is good.
cubadog cubadog 10 years
Slotw and lots of lube. Astroglide is great!
shini shini 10 years
hahahaaa luckygirll :P his gentleness is very important in my view.
NdHebert NdHebert 10 years
It could be worse, and you could have the opposite problem. :D
Princess-Rebecca Princess-Rebecca 10 years
Believe it or not but no. He can not be too big, don't forget a baby can pass too. Maybe you were not excited enough... or try some lubrication products? It's not a shame. I was very lucky my first time was wonderful, because I think we waited for the 'right' moment... it wasn't fab sex but you know...
SexiiBrownEyez SexiiBrownEyez 10 years
It's OK, I think every girls first time is like that!!! The first few times durring intercourse wont be so pleasing to you as it is for him...Take it slow...The more you think about it, the more painfull it is!!! You'll eventually get used to it!!! GOOD LUCK =)
Pokemyhontas Pokemyhontas 10 years
---adding that it's just the same as if he's too small. No shame. Just not a good "fit".
Pokemyhontas Pokemyhontas 10 years
Been there, done that. I moved on.
reeses93 reeses93 10 years
As probably the only straight male reading the site who doesn't work for the Sugars, let me attempt a reply while being delicate -- If it's a depth issue, you're probably out of luck. Having dated a couple women with this incompatibility, it's rather insurmountable. Hitting the cervix is uncomfortable and traumatic enough that your male friend is probably worried based on the miserable noise you're likely to make. If it's a width issue, you can work through it. As others have mentioned, babies come into the world that way, and as large as some may be, it's nothing compared to a wriggling 9-lb ball of joy. Just tell him to take it slow, a very little bit at a time. There's not much that you can say to us that doesn't inflate our egos more than,"You're just too big, take it a little bit at a time."
scoop45 scoop45 10 years
Take it slow,lots of
kurniakasih kurniakasih 10 years
I :love: you perfectscore :lol: Yeah, my son was almost 9 lbs :lol: I agree with the suggestion of lots of lubrication (KY Jelly, etc), and take things slow. Prolong foreplay, and if possible, get him to give you oral before penetration as well.
c0rkie c0rkie 10 years
AHAHAH at the PerfectScore's comment "an 8 lbs baby is supposed to shoot outta it..... so I think you can handle it!"
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