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You Asked: Her Invite Has Me Confused

Dear Sugar,

My friend's wedding invitation arrived in the mail yesterday, and it was addressed to my name and "partner." My friends know that I'm not seeing anyone at the moment, yet they included this in my invite. As I don't want to go alone (I won't know anyone at the ceremony or party), do I just assume that this is giving me permission to bring a friend instead of a romantic date? Or would this be bad etiquette? I'm assuming that since they didn't specify a name and know that I'm not seeing anyone, that they took that into consideration when writing the invite. But I don't want to be rude. What should I do?

— Uncertain Cee Cee

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Uncertain Cee Cee,

Since you won't know any of the other guests outside of the happy couple, and because the bride knows that you're currently single, I think it's likely that she's expecting you to invite a companion of some sort. Though it is more common to invite a date over a friend, I have heard of situations where platonic friends have attended weddings in lieu of a romantic interest. If you're feeling worried, I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask the bride whether or not she'll mind if you bring a friend as opposed to a date. As long as you're clear that the decision is hers and you're not trying to impose, I'm sure she'll be receptive to your request. But do keep in mind that if you have your eyes set on someone lately, a wedding is the perfect opportunity to get to know them better!


Join The Conversation
gaelgirl gaelgirl 8 years
here's an idea: ASK lol my friend recently took me to a wedding b/c her husband was at work. it was no big deal & i've since become friends w/ the bride.
ninjastarlett ninjastarlett 9 years
I can see where the confusion might come in -- I haven't seen that phrasing on an invitation before either. If the wedding is a small party and you're pretty close to the bride, go ahead and ask for clarification. If it's a huge event, then don't bother with the details and just bring any guest you'd like. On an unrelated note, this post marks 1000 points for me and upgrade to gold status!! ^_^
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
I would assume that you can bring anyone you want but you might want to ask. I know it wouldn't matter to me if you brought a friend or a man.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
ya . . .gossipqueen. some folks are slow. she's probably a nice girl though.
gossipqueen gossipqueen 9 years
well, somebody is DENSE....partner is your + 1. bring a guest! duh!
snarkypants snarkypants 9 years
when this happens to me and i'm not dating someone, or when my constantly traveling bf is out of town at the last minute so i rsvp for two, and suddenly don't have a date, i bring somebody who at least knows the couple. i have never had anybody get annoyed at me for doing that, since i'm not bringing some random person that they don't know. jadore, somebody got kicked out of a wedding for not being romantically linked to a guest? that is ridiculous!!!
brown_eyed_grrl brown_eyed_grrl 9 years
If they know you're single, it means you can bring a guest. I did the same thing for one of my friends who wasn't seeing anyone but also wouldn't know anyone at my wedding.
jaxon jaxon 9 years
I think they just tried to be different and wrote "and partner" instead of "and guest" don't think thre is any hidden meaning behind it. No need for a phone call
0danielle0 0danielle0 9 years
I would assume you have permission to bring whoever you want, but it would only take a 5 minute phone call to make sure! :P
cubadog cubadog 9 years
If the bride and groom did not want her to bring anyone it would have just had her name on the annoucement.
SaucySassy SaucySassy 9 years
Ask the bride.
Le-Luxe Le-Luxe 9 years
I would ask the bride. Just to be sure.
skigurl skigurl 9 years
how is the bride going to know the person you brought isn't a "romantic partner"? its really none of her business!
ajennilynrushhh ajennilynrushhh 9 years
yeah, ask the bride just to make sure.
sundaygreen sundaygreen 9 years
I think it's funny that if you took a guy with you who was just a friend, no one would ask any questions - but if you took a girl with you who was just a friend people might think it's weird. Anyway I would definitely ask her first, just in case. Usually including the "and partner" line is just a polite formality for the single folk.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
Please get over yourself. There is no conspiracy. No need to clarify anything to the bride. This means bring a date/friend/jigglo/whomever. If not, it's okay.
lizlee89 lizlee89 9 years
it's no different then when they put "and guest" - you can bring a date or whoever you want - it really doesn't matter, since it's not going to affect the wedding at all (the only thing they need to know is the number of people coming for the food count), so feel free to do what you want...
jadoremondieu jadoremondieu 9 years
I still think it's worth "bugging" the bride (in kia's words =P) - you don't want to bring just a friend and have the bride annoyed at you at the wedding just because she actually meant a romantic partner and you could have double-checked with the bride and didn't. I've seen that happen at other friends' weddings and it's awkward! At my friend's wedding, the non-romantic partner 'guest' was asked to leave. I think it's because I can accept someone I don't know coming to my wedding (and thus costing me an extra $300.00) because my girlfriend is dating him (or her), but I have difficulty accepting someone I don't know coming to my wedding who's just there to keep my friend company. Does that sounds bitchy? I hope not =( It's just that with over 200 guests, and so many other things to pay for... i don't know. argh! glad my wedding's over :-D
oh-cecilia-baby oh-cecilia-baby 9 years
i agree with kia.
kia kia 9 years
Bring a guest. You are green-lighted. Don't bug the bride to be sure, she has a million other things to do at this point.
jadoremondieu jadoremondieu 9 years
When I was sending out my wedding invitations around this time last year, we had limited numbers, but I also had a few particularly good friends who were single at the time but I knew 'might' meet (or, like Dear said, had an eye on!) somebody by the time of the wedding (I don't know what it's like for the wedding you've just been invited to but here, we usually send them out anything from 4 - 8 months ahead of the wedding). And it was just showing her that if she had a romantic partner by then that he would be welcome. We defintiely weren't talking about just a mate or a 'friend' of the non-romantic kind, though. I think that if you're a good enough friend to be invited to her wedding, she wouldn't mind and would actually appreciate your thoughtfulness in clarifying with her and just making sure =) you're clearly a lovely person and I'm sure that she would just appreciate your concern. But when it comes to a wedding, it's always better to ask and be sure! Stressed out brides and all :-D =)
Sporky Sporky 9 years
TheMissus: I know this is kind of off-topic, but in reference to your comment, I had a quinceanera (for those that don't know what that is, it's a coming-of-age ceremony/party in Latin culture, sort of like a sweet sixteen). We put on the bottom of the invite (nicely of course) that we would appreciate our guests not bringing their small children (under 10 I think it was). And guess what? There were some kids there anyway. I never forgot that and how it drove us crazy! LOL Anyway, I think the bride and friends were just being nice and saying it would be okay for her to bring anyone she wants, whether it be a date or just a friend, so that it's not as uncomfortable not knowing anyone.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I think your inference is correct, but clarify with the bride or groom (whoever invited you).
TheMissus TheMissus 9 years
Oh she's totally expecting you to be a friend! But how sweet of you to be concerned about it! Trust me, there are a lot of wedding guests who don't know that when a wedding invitation arrives, the only people invited are the people listed on the invitation envelope. I've seen plenty of kids arrive at "non-kids" weddings. I do think your friend is expecting you to bring someone though. But it's sweet of you to be concerned.
K-is-For-Kait K-is-For-Kait 9 years
I think they have the best of intentions and just want you to bring anyone you'd like to along since you don't really know anyone else at the wedding. It could definitely be a friend. If you still feel unsure, take Dear's advice and clarify it with the bride.
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