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You Asked: His Libido Is Too Much For Me!

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend loves giving me oral sex. It's gotten to the point where he's like obsessed with it, and while I love him and thoroughly enjoy being intimate with him, I don't want oral sex everyday of my life! He actually got mad at me once because I told him no — I just wasn't in the mood for anything sexual — and he pouted the entire night. How do I make him understand that it's not just about what he wants without hurting his feelings or giving him the wrong impression? — Not on the Same Page Penny

To see DearSugar's answer


Dear Not on the Same Page Penny,

While some women complain that they don't get enough sex, I hear you when you say that oral sex everyday is just a bit much! Clearly you two need to communicate your needs and desires because it sounds like you're on two different pages here. Sex is a great way to deepen your connection and share love with one another, but there are many other ways to experience that same kind of connectedness.

Talking about sex can be very intimating so be mindful of how you approach the subject. Make sure to touch upon the positives, reiterate how you feel about him, but also explain your desire to make sex special, not just something to cross off your daily checklist. Hopefully after a good heart to heart, you'll be able to set some new boundaries so you both can be happy and sexually satisfied. Good luck!


lanwa lanwa 7 years
Um, can I have his number? I'll be your "designated hitter" and I agree....sharing is caring!
kurniakasih kurniakasih 8 years
Oral sex everyday? Whoa. He must have oral fetish pretty bad :p I'm late at the reply I guess, but I agree that you need to have a talk with him. Tell him you love him and love the job he's doing but there are times when too much of a good thing...can be..too much. Also, waiting a day or two will make the act even more 'sweeter' and pleasurable for both ;)
ashopaholic ashopaholic 8 years
A little late on this post, but I find most of the responses you got disgusting and insulting. If you don't want oral sex every day, no means no and he should respect that. He should not be playing immature games to make you feel bad/guilty either. Talk to him about the situation as communication is key, if he can't respect your feelings you do not need to give in to his "needs" because the relationship should be 50/50. I say if he can't respect your wishes, then you do not need to comply to his, and if a compromise can't be reached, simply move on......
GratefulOne GratefulOne 8 years
"Penny", you have to have a dialogue about this. It's not going to go away by itself. Sure it won't be a fun or easy conversation, but you have to say, in a mature and even tempered way, how you feel, and encourage him to do the same. For people to say he is being immature: he is a man, and rejecting sex is rejecting him, so "Penny" be empathetic of this fact. Naked and vulnerable rejection sucks. On the other hand, you have a right to feel how you feel and to let him know how you feel. So have at it and hopefully you can reach a common ground or find someone more compatible.
Frank-y-Ava Frank-y-Ava 8 years
I have a solution. Pass him along to me. Sharing is caring.
amelioratelj amelioratelj 8 years
I wish this were my problem.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Slap him down! Nah--- Talk to him and tell him how his behavior makes you feel. Express that he needs to respect your boundaries.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
My poor boyfriend has this the other way around. Sometimes it's hard to remember it from the other way around - he must feel objectified&unsexy whilst I am feeling rejected !! You need open communication about this with your boyfriend. My boyfriend kept trying to do something that hurt me. He just kept trying to do it and in the end I just had to be honest and tell him it was too much all the time and now he's stopped. Just tell him that you aren't ALWAYS up for it. It's hard to receive that info. when you're on the other side but hopefully he'll manage to find love from you in other ways.
austerity austerity 8 years
Wow, some comments on us 'boo hoo' commenters are really judgmental here. We just mean to be light and perhaps let the OP see the positive side about her situation. If you don't like our advice, skip to the next comment.
geebers geebers 8 years
Totally disagree with the boo-hoo comments. If I was not in the mood and my BF kept pressuring me or pouted, I would feel objectified and very far from wanting to do it with him.
adrianyta adrianyta 8 years
lucky! haha maybe some of the girls dont see this like a problem but sometimes ur not in the mood for that kind of stuff and like bella said you can feel objectified, i think talking to him about it is the best thing to do and if he gest upset he's beiing inmature a selfish.
mack2600 mack2600 8 years
all of the "boo hoo" comments are a little immature and insensitive. obviously this is something the submitter is uncomfortable with and is simply asking for advice on the matter in a forum they assume is open and kind to all types of inquiries, despite how insignificant or unimportant they may seem in comparison to most of life's major issues. people should have the freedom to seek answers to even the trivial questions. and to the OP -- if anyone is pressuring you to do something you aren't comfortable with it's best to nip it in the bud as soon as you recognize your feelings. it sounds like his intentions are good so, like dear suggested, just talk it out with him gently and try to tip toe around bruising his ego while doing so. but i'd definitely let him know you aren't into it.
1cigarrette 1cigarrette 8 years
Wow, talk about rude... She thinks it's a problem, you can always try to give advise or skip to the next post. I think it's pretty obvious that you need to communicate with him... maybe not exactly like you worded it here but let him know what you need, you don't have to tell him you don't want it but maybe stop him when he goes down there and kiss him or something when you're not up for it... hopefully he'll eventually get the hint. I've obv never had this problem, but i think that could work.
xopiperxo xopiperxo 8 years
just talk to him and tell him how you feel.
macchiatolove macchiatolove 8 years
I don't think the awww, poor you comments are very helpful. Clearly, the OP isn't happy with the situation - sure, oral sex is great, but feeling forced or pressured to enjoy it is NOT fun. I think you basically just need to talk to him - explain that it makes you want it less because you feel forced into it - and sometimes feel uncomfortable saying no, because he'll get upset. Maybe even explain that although you love him and really enjoy what he does to you, that it's just not as much fun any more because it's happening too often. Perhaps you could offer to give him more oral sex? sometimes people do things that they really want done to themselves?? I do think this is a real problem, though, because the OP isn't happy with the situation. Whatever happens, I do hope it gets sorted out! good luck!
austerity austerity 8 years
@bella: but this is about the woman receiving oral in particular! that's what I meant
SusanTeufel SusanTeufel 8 years
Tell him how you feel...? I don't know...I don't have this issue.
lindssaurussss lindssaurussss 8 years
o wow. BOO HOO. ****teardrop. its not him its you. why dont you break up with him and he can go to the millions of sex starved females out there. im sorry but i do not feel bad for you.
dm8bri dm8bri 8 years
It can definitely be a problem if the sex replaces other parts of the relationship - like, um, talking? Do what Dear suggested - if he doesn't respond positively it's probably time to find a boyfriend who isn't so obsessed with eating out.
Beauty Beauty 8 years
I think it's a problem, yeah. I've dated dudes who behaved pretty similarly — always wanting to get it on, even if I wasn't in the mood. When they got upset if I wasn't up for some action, it made me angry because I felt objectified rather than partnered. I think a good partner listens to his/her lovah's wants and needs. Having a discussion seems like a good place to start.
austerity austerity 8 years
You call this a problem?
Ac2366 Ac2366 8 years
I would get annoyed if all my bf wanted to do all the time was something sexual. Sometimes I just like to hang out and not have sex. I def don't need a guy who is constantly aiming his face at my vag. That would get real old real fast.
luna08 luna08 8 years
wow, that is a super-creepy photo. I feel like I should call DYFS!
Quirks4me Quirks4me 8 years
haha totally with you plus_2_kid-- oh the agony of having a bf who wants to give you oral sex everyday. Psh, I wish that was my problem.
bchicgrl bchicgrl 8 years
Wow someone who is tired of receiving oral sex, I would have never guessed.
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