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You Asked: His Mom Doesn't Want Us to Date

You Asked: His Mom Doesn't Want Us to Date

Dear Sugar,

I've been on and off with my boyfriend of two years, and recently everything seemed to be going in a good direction with us, but in the past few weeks, he hasn't been answering my calls or texts. When I finally got a hold of him, we went out to eat and he told me his mom doesn't want us to date anymore.

I don't understand why he listens to her. I think my feelings for him are stronger than his feelings toward me. I'm trying to forget about his mother, but it's hard, I miss him. Should I try to get back together with him or is it a worthless battle?

—Dating a Momma's Boy Barbara

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Dating a Momma's Boy Barbara,

Since you say that over your two-year relationship it's been hot and cold, I think this guy may be using his mother as an excuse to end it for good. I'll agree that it's kind of a wimpy way to go about it, and if he doesn't think you guys should be together, he should just be honest with you. Either way, he doesn't sound like a very trustworthy or honest guy to be in a relationship with.

Breaking up with your boyfriend is never easy, especially when you've been together for so long, but the thing is, relationships aren't supposed to be this hard. If you are constantly on a roller coaster of being together, then breaking up, again and again, there's obviously something wrong. Sure, of course relationships aren't perfectly blissful all the time, but they're definitely supposed to be mostly great and wonderful. If this guy isn't meant for you, there's someone out there who is.

I have faith that you will heal and become a stronger woman from this experience. Feeling heartache is one of the worst feelings in the world. The only thing great about having your heart broken, is that when you finally do fall in love, you'll know it because you'll have the opposite feelings to compare it to. I hope this helps.


Join The Conversation
LolaDub LolaDub 9 years
i agree with both hotstuff and bella sugar..thats good that he respect his mom..but if he lets his mom control him..then maybe its best that u are not with him. i mean will u be happy if she controls u guys future? it a win/lose situation.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
You need to let this relationship go he has made his choice and while it is a little lame he chose Mommy.
Beauty Beauty 9 years
NdHebert is right. Mom will always come first with some guys.
alltherage alltherage 9 years
yup i agree -- guys can never just tell the truth when they want to break up... they are more scared of ur tears and emotion then death. but its not an excuse. i think sugar is right he's makign excuses. move on to someone who knows what he wants and doesnt have to hide behind his mom
Random2 Random2 9 years
It's a good sign when a guy loves/ respects his mom, but when he starts taking orders of who to date- run. Even if you two did work it out, are you prepared to have her play a really large role in your life? If she's acting like this now, imagine what she'll be like if you two move in together, get married, and/ or have kids? Basically, are you willing to be the 'other woman' for the rest of your life?
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 9 years
Phew, you are so lucky this showed up now and you can run away from that situation. I dont know why his mother doesnt like you, but if he cant make decisions on his own without her? you dont want to be with him.
Cymone Cymone 9 years
It's a worthless battle. It sounds to me like he's using it as an excuse. What grown man is going to let his mommy make a decision regarding his love life. My suggestion: leave him, he's weak and immature.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 9 years
You didn't mention your age group, so yes, I agree with a poster who says that if you're both aren't legally adults, and still living with parents, I can understand that he may buckle under mom's "pressure." Not to be the bad guy here, as a mother, I'm assuming from a mother's point of view, if my son is still under age (not legally an adult yet) and still living under my roof, and I'm viewing how bad the relationship is for him and if he's sharing with me how bad it is, then I'd most likely share my opinion with him. If he asked for it, I'll tell him what I think. Will I make him stop seeing her? Let's not kid ourselves, it's not happening, if my son wants to keep seeing someone, regardless how bad things get, as a mother, all I can do is let him know my opinion, certain consequences, but it all boils down to his own choice. Back to your situation: This means that your (ex) bf might have been sharing with mom about your relationship too. My suggestion is to move on, no need to pursue him. You don't want to be with someone who's cowardly avoiding you for weeks only to break up with the lamest excuse: mommy made me do it. (NO ONE can make him break up with you) Even I'd smack my son if he ever did such thing to his future gf. Um if he's an adult and still living with parents (or not living with parents) and still coming up with such lame excuse as he did...oh sweetie, count this break up as a blessing in disguise. Thank goodness you didn't spend 2 years and another day with such a cowardly mommy's boy. You don't want that type of relationship in your life. Really. :hug: Take care!
rlveronica rlveronica 9 years
Great response, Dear! I, too, am dating a momma's boy. He doesn't use his mother as an excuse... anymore. I've always had trouble with my boyfriends' mothers though. They say I'm "too aggressive" and not ladylike. Haha. I felt as if I was a character in Christina Aguilera's "Can't hold us down!" But alas, things have been going smoothly. :)
manhattan-girl manhattan-girl 9 years
If he is telling the truth, which he very well could be, his mother's opinion is clearly more important to him then his relationship with you. So there you have it. No, you shouldn't "try" and get back with him--I mean, really, what can you do? Don't subject yourself to a painful, long, drawn-out goodbye. It sounds like you've tried enough, already, for the past 2 weeks, and he avoided your calls up until then, so I don't see this going anywhere. Fuck him. Mama's boys are lame anyway. I know it sucks, believe me, we've all been there. Sometimes you gotta just ignore your heart and use your head. If a friend of yours came to you with this exact situation, what would you say? It'll get easier hun, I promise. It's been 2 years, so it'll be tough at first, but the longer you drag it out, the harder letting go will be.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
"my mommy said we can't have any more playdates". hello, blinding red light that this dude already has a woman in his life. move along to an available male sweetie and cross this off the list.
kellib kellib 9 years
I would have to wonder about that. His mom would have NO way of knowing if he was answering cell phone or text calls. But at any rate, after 2 1/2 years, I would think he could make you a priority. If he can't...then its time to find a man or boy or whatever that can. You deserve it. Hugs!
hotstuff hotstuff 9 years
Dump him, who wants a man that doesn't act like a man? Listening to his lil mommy...NEXT!
NdHebert NdHebert 9 years
Mom will always win...
chicaparati17 chicaparati17 9 years
Well said RockandRepublic..he needs to grow up period...this spells trouble in the long run if he doesnt stand up to her now. You dont want this hearthache :(
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
Does he live with her/is he under 18? That's the only way i can see this behavior being acceptable in an unnacceptable way. Meaning, while he's under age he has little control over himself(even if then it's actually still his choice) but if this is a man, in his 20's, living with his mom(can't say i stand behind this as well) and making excuses as to why he wont date you then ditch him and find your self a real man. Using your mom as an excuse is cheap, she can have all the opinions she wants but ultimately it's not her choice or business.
omilawd omilawd 9 years
Dump the guy. Yes, it's sweet that he loves his mom, but he needs to grow up and learn to make his own decisions sometimes.
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