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You Asked: His Mother Won't Leave Us Alone!

You Asked: His Mother Won't Leave Us Alone!

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I recently broke up for a brief period and during that time, his mom called me twice: first to say that she hoped we could still carry on a friendship, and second to tell me that she thought I should do whatever I could to try to get back together with her son. I appreciate that she likes me enough to want us to get back together, but her presence during our breakup was very overwhelming for me. Once she found out we were back on, she asked us what we were going to do differently this time. I just stared at her with my mouth open and my boyfriend made a joke to diffuse the uncomfortable situation. Now she asks every time she sees us how "things are going" and it's getting to be too much.

I'm not sure what to do. He's very close with his mom so I can't just avoid her. I don't want to create any bad blood between us, but I'd really like her to let us work things out on our own. Any ideas about how to kindly, but firmly ask her to butt out? — Aggravated Angela

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Aggravated Angela,

Having a boyfriend who is close to his mother has its upsides and its downsides. It sounds as though she really likes you two as a couple so be thankful that's she's trying to bring you closer, not break you up. You're right, you don't want to burn any bridges with her so I suggest talking to your boyfriend and ask him to talk to her for you. Her constant nagging has got to be weighing on him as well so I advise you to nip this in the bud before she gets too comfortable meddling in your business.

Since you recently got back together with your boyfriend, distance yourselves from his family for a while so you can concentrate on making your relationship stronger. Hopefully, your boyfriend's mom will respect your need for space and once your relationship is back on solid ground, you'll be able to establish a close relationship while keeping her at an arm's length. Good luck!


Join The Conversation
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
Just tell her you are working on things and that you really love her son. Tell her that you'll always continue working on things but you'd like to keep things between the two of you. If you say it really sweetly than she can't say anything about it. Also tell her you really appreciate her help and are glad she likes you and wants you to be her son's girlfriend. She should get it.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
It's his responsibility to put her in check, but it's yours to put him.
Asia84 Asia84 9 years
I think the next time she asks you something uncomfortable, you should firmly, but lovingly tell her, "i just feel like this is personal thing to be worked out between Jake and I. I hope you understand." if she set-trips, then f*ck it. Now she knows. take it how you want. and if you boyfriend doesn't feel the same way, then you know what kind of guy you're foolin' with. (notice red flag with glitter on it)
geebers geebers 9 years
I know how annoying this can be but I also think you should focus on the positives here and just try (really try LOL) to remember that she likes you and wants you in the family. That says a lot right there and while her meddling ways is annoying- it can help you to take a deep breath before you snap at her and say something that may cause a rift. And absolutely- this is your boyfriend's job.
Sporky Sporky 9 years
One of the biggest reasons I left my ex-husband was his mother. She was the most meddling human being. And she was not nice. Our relationship had many problems but she just amplified them. This mom is really crossing the line, especially since her son is letting her. He needs to understand how you're feeling, and set some boundaries with her, if he wants you two to stay together. There's absolutely nothing wrong with him being close to her, but only to a point.
jennifer76 jennifer76 9 years
I completely agree that he needs to speak to her. This should be a good test for you. If he's unwilling to ask his mom to respect your boundaries at this point, he won't ever be. If you think this is bad, wait until she wants to be this involved with your parenting and everything else.
ElizabethRae ElizabethRae 9 years
Agreed. It needs to come from him, not you. But he shouldn't make it sound like he is speaking on be half of just you. It should be phrased as "WE need space and time to work on our relationship" so that you aren't the bad guy.
darkangel2305 darkangel2305 9 years
This situation sucks... Like Dear said, talk to him and ask him to speak to her about it.
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