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You Asked: His Penis Makes Me Nervous

Dear Sugar,

I've been seeing my new boyfriend for about five months and we have plenty of good fun sex, some adventurous stuff too (well, adventurous for me), but the trouble is he thinks that I don't like his penis because I don't do well with hand and oral endeavors. He is great at explaining what he wants and how to pleasure himself, but I'm not a talker so I end up flustered and self conscious about messing up. I'm worried that he'll give up on me and look elsewhere.

—Scared of it Stacia

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Scared of it Stacia,

When you are inexperienced with men and their parts, it can be really intimidating. I'm sure women everywhere felt anxious and maybe a little embarrassed when they first started being intimate with men. We all can admit that we were nervous about what to do with a penis, and worried that we weren't doing it right, but honestly, all it takes is a little practice with an understanding partner, and you'll soon become more comfortable.

It's great that your man is open enough to explain what to do, but when you're involved in the moment, I don't blame you for feeling like it's a school lesson instead of an intimate experience. Maybe you can try talking about this when you're not getting it on. Have him explain and show you what to do outside of the bedroom. Start with learning what to do with your hands, and then you can move onto using your mouth when you feel the time is right. Another good option is to talk to your girlfriends about it (or anyone else you feel comfortable with). I'm sure they can give you some pointers about technique, so when the time comes to get intimate, you'll feel more confident about what to do.

I wouldn't be worried about your man moving on because if he really cares about you, he'll be patient and realize that sex isn't the only important thing in a relationship. Everyone is different, and it sometimes takes a little time to figure out how each other ticks so just try to relax and enjoy the time you have to practice. If he gets annoyed or impatient with you, then this guy's not even worth getting to know in that way anyway.


rosey_y rosey_y 9 years
nicachica, I cracked up too! Especially with the accompanying picture! Hahahaha. To the matter at hand, practice makes perfect! It sounds like you have an understanding, caring partner to explore sex with, so just take a deep breath and try to have fun with him. It'll become easier and easier, especially as you get to know each others' bodies better. No sane man would be turned off by having a willing partner such as yourself who's keen to fine tune your sexual skills with him. That's like a fantasy come true! I'm sure you think you're far worse than you actually are. Good luck and have fun! :)
nicachica nicachica 9 years
omg, i just have to say that the heading to this post was classic! How can you not LOL over it???? ;) (sorry my 8th grade side just came out...)
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 9 years
I wouldn’t worry about it. Do you really think men know what they are doing with the parts on a woman? Hell no. We all learn as we go along and each partner you have is different. One move might work on one guy and your next boyfriend prefers another. My suggestion is to take is coaching and take your time with it. Be grateful that he is telling you what he likes rather than let you guess if you are doing what feels good. Don’t get frustrated or upset if you are doing it wrong. The fact that you are even DOING it means a lot to a man. Many women won’t even touch a guy’s manhood, I knew a girl that wouldn’t even look at it for several years. You can try reading some books, but it really matters what he likes and it will only enhance your sexual experience together. Hopefully with practice, you will get better over time.
citizenkane citizenkane 9 years
I can't believe I'm commenting on this...BUT, something that really helped me in this 'area' was this: I dated a guy for a couple of years when I was 21-23, and he was vocal. He told me what guys liked, how to do 'what' where I should, when I should, etc. We were comfortable together and it really educated me with the male anatomy. What scared me, I realized, was just the fact that I wasn't sure if what I did turned him on or not. Practice.
kenziebaby kenziebaby 9 years
I used to have the same nerves until a friend broke it down this way... think of your guys piece as a 6-inch (or whatever ;)) version of him. Don't worry so much about good or bad, just show his piece the same love you show the big version of him. Don't worry about technique or doing a great job, just showing him affection and total acceptance.
nikodarling nikodarling 9 years
You really need to relax, let go and enjoy it. The whole point is to have a good time right? Sounds like you are over thinking things Waaaay too much. And don't worry it takes all new couples a while to get into the swing of things and learn what the other person likes thats just part of relationships. Do tell him how you feel though. You can't have a healthy relationship with someone if you can't share these kinds of things. And any man worth having is going to try to work this out with patience and understanding.
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