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You Asked: His Roommate Is Affecting Our Relationship

Dear Sugar,

Last Summer my boyfriend moved in with one of his friends. We are both very busy and usually see each other on the weekends. Most of the time I sleep at his place but things have been strange lately; it seems like my boyfriend's friend is jealous of the relationship we have. He constantly tags along and recently he has been making me feel really uncomfortable by pulling my boyfriend aside to talk to him when I am there or bringing up conversations while intentionally leaving me out of them.

I addressed my feelings with my boyfriend, and he feels that he is in an awkward spot between his girlfriend and his friend. He agrees that he's being rude but he won't make an effort to express that to him. Is it wrong to be angry at my boyfriend for his lack of support? Should I step in and address this problem myself? I just don't know what to do, but it's certainly wearing on our relationship.

— Pushed Aside Alyssa

To see Dear Sugar's answer


Dear Push Aside Alyssa,

In my own experience, I've found that men are very strange when it comes to their friends in relation to their girlfriends. There a certain unspoken rules that really shouldn't be broken, and one of those seems to be about confronting each other about problems, but since this is affecting your relationship, the problem does need to be addressed. You did everything right by asking your boyfriend to speak with his friend on behalf of the both of you, but just because he feels stuck in the middle, it doesn't mean he gets to skip out on handling the issue. I would simply tell your boyfriend that you think it will make things far more awkward if you have to say something yourself, but you will if he doesn't.

If he continues to put up a fuss, try to coach him through the conversation. He should be able to get the point across to his friend without actually saying anything directly. He could just mention that he needs some alone time with his girl; it really can be that simple, or when a conversation comes up that completely excludes you, your boyfriend can do his part to loop you in. If he does it enough, his friend will get the hint!


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