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You Asked: How Can I Get Him Back?

Dear Sugar,

I want to prove my love to my ex boyfriend. In October, after we'd been together for about six months, he cheated on me. I loved him and forgave him but a few days later he broke up with me and went back to the girl he cheated on me with. To make a long story short, we worked it out again and got back together but it just wasn't the same for me. It seemed like I had to get over him sleeping with other girls all over again. I told him that we had to take it slow in order for us to build our trust back up again, but he took that as me pushing him away. He now wants me to prove my love to him but I just don't know how. Please help.

—Distressed Dolly

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Distressed Dolly,

You've been through a serious roller coaster ride with this guy and from what you've told me, it sounds like he's enjoying having his cake and eating it too. In my book, cheating is unacceptable — sure, people make mistakes and it's entirely your decision whether or not to give him a second chance, but Dolly, giving him a third chance almost seems too lenient.

The fact that your boyfriend is making you jump through hoops to prove your love to him leaves a sour taste in my mouth — he was the one that cheated so don't you think he should be the one proving his love to you? If telling him, showing him and taking him back isn't enough proof that you love him, I don't know what is. This is your relationship so I'm not going to tell you what to do, but I suggest you proceed with caution. You deserve to be with someone who respects you and your relationship, not to mention your health. I wish you luck, Dolly.


Join The Conversation
geebers geebers 9 years
Ha im just laughing at how EVERY single comment told you to dump him and run. Nice to see that all the sugars agree.
michelleannette michelleannette 9 years
get rid of him. he did it twice in a short period of time! he's just having his cake and eating it too. you don't have to prove anything to him. the fact that you were willing to take him back in the first place is proof enough. he's probably just getting off on having two women chase him.
the-makeup-blogette the-makeup-blogette 9 years
dump him!!
kythera kythera 9 years
Sugar is right on! Go Sugar, go Sugar! My two cents: I really hope you read these comments. I hope that you look at this situation and see that it has started to become a bad cycle. You need to be more confidant and independant. I think that if you stay with him that you would just let him run things again. This time YOU take charge. And if he doesn't like it, then he can hit the door. HE needs to prove his love to YOU. Not vice versa. There are many guys out there that would treat you with more respect! I promise!!! Good Luck!
pink_magnetism pink_magnetism 9 years
He should be the one proving his love for you. He's the one who cheated & destroyed the trust.
nrmunch55 nrmunch55 9 years
EW...See I would want to make him feel sad like he made me feel and I would never talk to him again. Never. That's the Scorpio in me though.
Cate-McG Cate-McG 9 years
He's a manipulative jerk. He's saying this so that when he cheats again, you will feel guilty and blame yourself. Don't stick around for this. I guarantee that's how it will play out.
lilwildone1202 lilwildone1202 9 years
lol this sounds like my ex he cheated and then had to balls to throw back in my face that he didnt trust me. and i jumped thru hoops for him too DONT DO IT. please for the love of God
lemassabielle lemassabielle 9 years
Wow, if he isn't trying to see how far he can toy with your emotions I would be shocked. He wants to see how much you would be willing the throw away for him. So far if you carry along with his "Prove how much you love me BULLSH*T," you're pretty much throwing away your dignity. He wants you to prove how much you love him? Tell him to go ask the other girl that and get away from him.
Cycy Cycy 9 years
Bid adieu. Next!
mlen mlen 9 years
i didn't read all the posts above so forgive me if i repeat people but i agree with dear- shouldn't he be proving his love to you?!! he cheated on YOU. he broke up with YOU. he came back to YOU so he should be begging for your forgiveness and doing everything in his power to make you feel loved and special and earn your trust again. if he isn't doing this then you should move on, cause he'll never treat you the way you deserve to be
MissKate919 MissKate919 9 years
The only thing you need to prove is that you value and love yourself! There are a lot of dogs out there who screw up and somehow make us feel like we did the wronging! I know things are foggy when it's happening to you, and that's why you are asking for an outsider's point of view. And it's pretty clear form here, run, as fast as you can from this guy. Sounds like he is a master of mind games and you deserve way better!
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
I get the feeling that this is an HS situation, even then it's not acceptable. Love starts from within and the same goes for respect. Do not degrade yourself just to give someone an ego boost. You ae so much better then that.
7kimba7 7kimba7 9 years
Get rid of this jerk. He did wrong and YOU have to prove your love? Ridiculous.
sugarbritches sugarbritches 9 years
Agree with all of the above! He's a selfish loser and he's going to cheat on you again and probably throw in a ton of mind games in the process. This guy is scum and there is definately another guy or seven out there for you. Go and have a good time finding him and maybe yourself along the way.
vanyvrgs vanyvrgs 9 years
I have a feeling you are very young. He cheated on you how are you the one having to prove yourself to him because you wanted to take it slow... he should be the one trying to honor your wishes to take it slow and prove his love to you. Run Forest Run.
Random2 Random2 9 years
RUN! NOW! Get as far away as fast as you can from this guy. He cheated on you a few months in to your relationship (isn't that usually still the puppy love stage of things where all the sappy lovey-dovey sayings come into play?), breaks up with you for the other girl, then you take him back and understandably want to take it slow, and he gets mad? The jerk has no right to be mad at you. He should be groveling at your feet, thanking you for taking him back and doing everything to prove to you that he loves you and won't put you through this again. However, from what I've read, I don't think he'll ever do this. And if you stay with him, it'll only get worse and history will more than likely repeat itself, and you could very well let it. Do yourself a favor, get ride of the jerk and find someone who loves you, and wouldn't think of touching someone else. You deserve it.
njau njau 9 years
Leave him, Leave him, Leave him. Did I say leave him? I"m so surprised this never raised anything of alarm to you! He's the one who needs to prove himself not you at all. Give yourself some respect girl!
luvmycpt luvmycpt 9 years
FORGET HIM!! He sounds manipulative and not worth your time. Move on and find some one who wont cheat on you. If a guy really likes you he will show you. No games involved.
Kristinh1012 Kristinh1012 9 years
It is really scary that you are even considering getting back with him AGAIN, AND you are basically willing to sacrafice your self respect to get the jerk back! Sit and really think about this before you do anything you will really regret. Start off, but reading your own post! He sounds like a very self centered person. You should be happy not to be with him. I hope you can see that before you get hurt again.
cittypark cittypark 9 years
i'm feeling like this guy is smart and knows what he's doing. he's definitely playing with your mind. in this situation, how in the world did you become the one who needs to prove anything? obviously you've proved your love time and time again when you stood by his cheating ways. yet, he wants you to do the same? what for? bc you pushed him away? shouldn't that be obvious when you know you can't trust him?? he's playing you for a fool. do not take his b.s. and do not let him turn the tables on you. you should be the one who has the say in this 'relationship'. best of luck!*
maggieg86 maggieg86 9 years
He is sure enjoying himself with you! He is getting off on seeing how weak and dependent you are, on how much you desperately you need him in your life, regardless of how he treats you. His outrageous behaviour will continue to escalate so he can see exactly how much crap he can get away with. He already has no respect for you (because you don't respect yourself) and if you keep letting him get away with murder he will eventually be so disgusted with you he will dump you anyway. I've been there, done that. And thankfully am now the wiser for it! Unfortunately, if you do not break your pattern of allowing him to walk all over you, you will take this profoundly insecure behaviour into your next relationship, and the next, and the next... You can't change the assholes, you can only change how you react to them. You can either let them treat you like shit, over and over, or you can demand to be treated with respect. If you don't do that, no guy will ever respect (or love) you.
kitkatherine kitkatherine 9 years
Just don't Cheating is a red flag. Don't date someone who cheats on you. It can be forgiven sure, but, don't date him again. Especially if he was stupid enough to leave you. Let it go - there will be a lot better. You loved him: try and put that past tense on love.
TidalWave TidalWave 9 years
He cheated on you, broke up with you and then dated the girl he cheated on you with. Then... realized his mistake and was lucky enough to have you take him back. Now, he gets all pissed that you can't trust him?!! He has to EARN YOUR TRUST BACK and he definitely doesn't seem to be doing that.
1QTPIE 1QTPIE 9 years
Prove your love to yourself and leave that jerk.... He's the one who cheated so he should be kissing a** not telling you to prove anything. You took his cheating a** back that's proof enough. Find you someone who can love you back.
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