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You Asked: How Can I Get Him Back?

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I had a wonderful relationship for well over a year and half. We were very good friends, and though we bickered every once and awhile, we always made it work. We recently had a terrible fight; we both behaved irrationally and said really mean things to each other. We haven't spoken since and he's gone so far as changing his number. I know I ticked him off but I love him dearly and want him back. How do I make things right again?

— Regretful in Raleigh

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Regretful in Raleigh,

Sadly, a year and a half of pure bliss doesn't mean that a relationship is meant to be. The fight you had sounds pretty nasty but that's not to say you can't work through it; however, if your ex won't return your emails and he's changed his number, it might mean that he doesn't want to at this time. If I were you, I'd be concerned that one fight could cause him to make such a drastic move. It either means that he's not good at handling conflict or he's been deeply hurt. If it's the former, I'm not sure you want him back unless you're willing to go through this every time you fight.

If he's truly hurting, then the first step is to give him space. Since you don't have his number, write him an email or letter that apologizes for any part you played in the fight, and let him know you're ready to talk when he is. Don't email him again. He'll either approach you when he's ready or he won't, which means that he's not interested in continuing a relationship with you. The truth may be hard to swallow, but there's no point in trying to make something work with a person that doesn't want to be with you; you'll both end up unhappy in the long run. Good luck.


GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
"Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe he was looking for something to get out of the relationship." Katie2576, this a good point. I hope this is not the case. Yikes.
katie2576 katie2576 9 years
Don't take this the wrong way, but maybe he was looking for something to get out of the relationship. I remember when I was dating someone and we got into the silliest argument over dinner and we broke up. It turns out that he had been thinking about our relationship for a few weeks and didn't want to be in it anymore. He used that argument as the "final straw" when really he was already disconnected and just looking for an excuse. Give him space, if he comes back to you, then it was meant to work out. If not, move on. There may be someone out there better suited for you.
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 9 years
He's a grown man and im sure he can speak. Don't do all the work here.
michelleannette michelleannette 9 years
i think you should attempt to apologize, but don't throw yourself at him. it sounds like a pretty bad fight if he's gone so far as changing his number! to me it sounds like there is more to the story because it sounds like you had a pretty normal relationship and after one fight it's over? sounds fishy. what ever the case may be, pushing him to get back together is a bad move.
1QTPIE 1QTPIE 9 years
I agree with dear.. Since he changed his number on you man that's something. He really doesn't want to talk to you. Give him space and see what happens. If you have to move on, then like Eternity said "learn from it and move on."
Eternity Eternity 9 years
you can't. if he loves you as much, he will come back. if the hurtful things hurt enough, its over and you will have to learn from this and move on
Sun_Sun Sun_Sun 9 years
one thing i can tell u is....the content may not really matter. me and my husband have squabbles about the tiniest matters but because my husband has a bad temper, our fights get blown WAYYYY outta preportion! and i know how u feel, because before we got married we were maintaining a long distance realtionship, and although he wouldnt change his number but he would cut off all communication. usually a day or two later an informed and well written email can calm him down. try that and good luck
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 9 years
I agree with DearSugar. Wow, he's put up a strong boundary between you and him by changing his number . . . !
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
he changed his number; he doesn't even want to talk to you. this isn't in your control right now. give him some time to cool off and maybe realize that this was just one fight. let him come to you. if he doesn't i don't think there's anything you can do. he's really upset and what ever the fight was about just might be a deal breaker for him.
clareberrys clareberrys 9 years
I 100% agree with Dear....what was the fight about? that could make a lot of difference depending on what the content of the fight was about........ you say you were usually happy well then how did you end up in a yelling match and saying extremely mean things??? My bf and I have been together over 2 years and while we do bicker...we have never gone to a point of actually putting the other down or calling names or saying things that were so horrible that we would break up. Maybe you need to re evaluate the relationship that was at hand if one major fight caused you guys to break up.....a relationships should be able to carry through the rocky times and become stronger from them.....GOod luck whatever happens will be for the best (try to remember that!)
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