Skip Nav
Surprising Qualities of Your Zodiac Sign That You Don't Already Know
15 Unique Ways You and Your SO Can Celebrate Your Anniversary
34 of the Most Romantic Films on Netflix This Month

You Asked: How Can I Get Over My Mistake?

Dear Sugar,

I am having problems getting over my ex. We broke up a year ago, and I still hold on to serious feelings for him. We dated for nine months and we had a great relationship; he treated me incredibly well and was an amazing boyfriend. The problem was I always had another guy in the back of my head. I ended up kissing the other guy, and my boyfriend found out but decided to forgive me. We were OK at first, except every once in a while I would see the other guy and be confused again about my feelings.

To make a long story short, my boyfriend decided to end it with me. I realized after it was too late that this other guy meant nothing to me and that I truly loved and wanted to be with my boyfriend. We have been in and out of contact, but he refuses to give our relationship another try. I have learned from my mistakes and want to get back together more than anything in the world. I have apologized and done everything in my power over this year to prove to him that I am trustworthy, but he's not budging. Should I give up hope and move on? I just can't get over the fact that I was the one who did this and can't seem to fix it. — My Mistake Misty

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear My Mistake Misty,

Hindsight is always 20/20, but it unfortunately sounds like it's too late for you and your boyfriend. From what you're telling me, he put up with a lot in this relationship and quite frankly, I don't blame him for ending it — he probably felt like second best.

Telling your ex that you know you made a big mistake, that you still love him, and that you want to get back together with him is really the best you can do. If he's unwilling to even consider giving it another shot, persuading him otherwise will be close to impossible. Perhaps time will change his mind, but in the meantime, try to put this relationship behind you. If you two are meant to be together, you're paths will cross again in the future. Good luck to you.


Join The Conversation
babysoftpink babysoftpink 8 years
I really just don't understand why you would do this when you've got a great boyfriend. Can you imagine how many women/girls out there sincerely wish and would trade anything else with you to have a loyal amazing boyfriend to build a relationship, marriage and life together? I think the guy has more confidence and self respect than to continue to be cheated on. Sadly, I've never cheated on anyone in a relationship and always on the receiving end of things. In I am in the same situation as your boyfriend, I will feel completely insulted and degraded and need to get away from you ASAP when you trembled and stepped all over my pure heart and my soul that is completely utterly loyally reserved for you.
Do you realize you have been fretting over him longer than your relationship even lasted? At this point, it's time to move on. In most cases, a couple that has "history" and do the on again off again thing, never last. It'll result in a bunch of drama and tears, and then in the end, not even be worth it.
genildomelo genildomelo 8 years
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 8 years
If you truly love this man do anything you can do to get him back. Lay all your cards out on the table and then tell him it's his decision and give him some time to think. I'm sure most people think you should give up but you're always going to wonder what if, if you don't keep trying.
austerity austerity 8 years
Agreed with everyone else. And I don't blame your ex for not wanting you back; would you want back a guy who had the hots for another girl whilst you were together and can't see your value until you're gone?
karlotta karlotta 8 years
If I were him, I would have stopped loving you too. And I wouldn't come back. Learn your lesson, and take some time to heal (and grow!).
kurniakasih kurniakasih 8 years
Move on and respect your ex's wish. Learn from your mistakes and so next time you won't be repeating the same thing (if you are, you may have some deep-seated problem and may need professional help eventually so you won't keep falling to the same pattern). Learn to enjoy being single without pining for the 'unavailable' or 'unattainable.' Being single can be real fun, you know.
crayolasky crayolasky 8 years
If he doesn't want to get back together, he's just not that into you - really. It's been a year, move on! I know it can be difficult to after you've realized past mistakes, BUT that is what mistakes are for. If you were meant to be with him, you'd still be together. Accept it and find a new guy - and treat him right. If you don't treat people respectfully, you can't expect the same back, can you? I also agree with the person who said you may tend to 'want what you don't have'. If you want a lasting relationship, that definitely isn't the best approach.
princess_eab princess_eab 8 years
Ooh, girl - I want to just say "you made your bed, now lie in it". I think you should be alone for awhile - just hang out with your girlfriends and enjoy the single life. Forget this guy - clearly he has self-esteem.
Miss-Senorita Miss-Senorita 8 years
You let it pass you by and frankly I don't blame him for moving on noone likes a wishy washy prson especially playing with people's feelings.
gabi29 gabi29 8 years
I concur with colombiansug! You have a bad case of the "wanting what you can't have." Perhaps you're afraid of real commitment and subconsciously sabotaged what you had with your ex.
colombiansugar colombiansugar 8 years
It sounds like you have a thing for what you cannot have... first the "other guy" and now your ex. I agree that it's best to move on and find someone who satisfies you to such an extent that you stop thinking about the forbidden greener grass. Obviously that's easier said than done, but if you succeed, it will keep you from developing this pattern any further. Good luck!
TidalWave TidalWave 8 years
Honestly, you're just mad that you lost. If he took you back, you would just slip into the same pattern again. Get over it, move on, and find a guy who doesn't make you want to look at anyone else.
vmruby vmruby 8 years
You snooze, you loose.It's too late and I don't blame him.He's hesitant to rekindle the relationship because you jerked him around by not being able to decide what you wanted and it's obvious by what you posted that he's not willing to take another chance with you . He's hurt and sometimes once the trust is betrayed it's a done deal and there's no going back. It's been a year now and I think it's time for you to let him go so you can both move on with your lives.I sincerely hope that you've learned your lesson and that you remember what Not to do in any of your future relationships because this so called confusion of yours has just cost you someone you really care about big time.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 8 years
You made a mistake. Learn your lesson. Respect you ex's wishes, and leave him alone. Stop making this about you (this relates to your initial mistake).
MissJules5x MissJules5x 8 years
you blew it. you didn't want this guy enough to be faithful to him even though he was good to you. all it is is that you want what you cant have now that you lost him. he won't take you back, and even if he were to take you back, it will never be the same. he will always have in the back of his mind what you did to him and i doubt he will ever be able to trust you. i think its time to cut your losses, learn from your mistakes and better luck in the next relationship.
L7amiguita L7amiguita 8 years
The honest truth is that your 'confusion' or whatever it is that you were feeling for this other guy, cost you a lot. Learn from your mistake and never do it again. I don't blame him for not giving you ANOTHER chance. You messed up the first chance he gave you and now you need to live with the consequences. Move on and leave him alone.
#IBelieveYou Supports Sexual Assault Victims (Video)
How Lemon Water Affects Sex Drive
Should I Go to My Ex's Wedding?
How Do I Know If I've Met the Right Person?
From Our Partners
Latest Love
All the Latest From Ryan Reynolds