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You Asked: How Can I Make Friends?

Dear Sugar,

I'm about to graduate college, and I've already landed myself a real job that I'm very excited about. Once I'm done with school I'll be moving back in with my parents to save money, pay off student loans, and help my mom care for my father and brother who are both disabled. I'm OK with living at home, but the problem is I feel like I'm starting my social scene over. I'm really concerned about making friends. My coworkers are all older women and I'm not really into the bar scene. I don't want to be sitting at home doing nothing all the time. How can I meet new friends?

— Need Friends Nadia

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear Need Friends Nadia,

Struggling to make new friends once college is over is very common, especially when you can't connect with your coworkers. However, you seem to have a positive attitude, which is a great attribute when it comes to meeting new people. You really can meet someone anywhere, but repeat encounters make getting to know each other that much easier. Start by getting involved in some outside-of-work activities like a book club, recreational sports team, or even an animal-rights volunteering group — just find a niche that works for you. Not only will you naturally get to know people, but you'll definitely have a similar interest to talk about.

I think the hardest part of making friends is getting past the awkward moment where you have to ask for their number or see if they'd want to hang out sometime — it's actually very similar to asking someone out on a date! But the sooner you cross that bridge, the faster you can get your friendship going and we can never have too many friends! Don't be afraid to disclose information about yourself — in fact, it's often the personal details that create a real bond between women. If you're open to others, they'll be open to you too, so stay positive!


aimeeb aimeeb 9 years
Classes are a great idea!
RawesomeRio RawesomeRio 9 years
Coffee shops, parks, and the gym. Those are great places to meet people, flash and smile and don't be shy =)
kia kia 9 years
It is fun reading this post. I moved to a new town/state less than a month ago. I don't have any bosom friends here yet but I've made some acquaintances out on the running trails, at a sewing class, volunteering with a community organization, and even through craigslist (I volunteered for a sweet haircut and got some beta on some cool stuff going on from the stylists, and the activities section for a pick-up soccer game). I think I may look into toastmasters in this area. I have always wanted to do it.
almost-famous almost-famous 9 years
Well, Dear Sugar was correct with staying positive... You have to stay positive even when you com across, shallow, superficial people...since you're young. If you notice some women...being this way, cut it off quickly...Just so you don't be their friend, just because you don't have any...
TidalWave TidalWave 9 years
I think that going to a gym or some sort of fitness class or running club is a good one. Along with,! And, I know it sounds weird, but Craig's List offers "Platonic Personals" which I have actually met some amazing female friends from; including my running buddy! I don't volunteer with any organizations or go to church, so every time I move it's so difficult to meet new people.
AdElle AdElle 9 years
This post came at the best time for me. I moved to a new city to start my first job about 6 weeks ago, and aside from my boyfriend, I don't know anyone. It is so difficult to meet people after college. In college, you had class, greek life, it is all up to you.
jknocking jknocking 9 years
Depending on where you live, check out to find all sorts of special interest groups in your area. Also consider checking out local civic clubs, such as your local jaycees chapter (a group that does a combination of community service, personal development and social activities). Just google "jaycees" and your state and/or city to find a local chapter. If your city/county has a good parks and rec program, looking into some of the adult sports or classes. In my town, there are tons of classes offered including cooking, painting, drawing, jewelry, computers, home decor, foreign language, etc. Local community colleges also usually have evening enrichment classes for adults, such as foreign language, sewing, art, and more. If you're in a major city, there may even be a adult sports and rec league. For example, here in Raleigh, NC there is that arranges all sorts of social sports leagues, social events and parties which can be a lot of fun. Just keep trying new things until find something that is a good fit for you.
Nina_79 Nina_79 9 years
I think something like a book club or cooking class might be better as there you are talking to people, where as in the gym you are working out and can't really chat and so get to know somebody. Better suited, if you enjoy working out, might be a team sport like soccer or volleyball. My brother plays soccer and he and his team mates usually go for a drink after their games. Pick something you enjoy and meet people trough this. I think it's easier to connect with people when you are both doing something you like. If you are moving back home, are there no old friends around that you could call to catch up with? I would try that angle as well.
hillamaria hillamaria 9 years
Asking someones number is hard but I guess you just have to do it, there's no other way. The gym and aerobics etc. classes are good places to meet new people. Just get a hobby you like that involves other people aswell. I've also gotten to know many people through the bar scene, even though I don't drink at all. There are always some people that aren't very drunk and need new friends. Concerts are also a very good places to find new friends because if you like the band(s) you'll automatically have something to say to each other, nd if you don't know the music, many people will be glad to share their thoughts about the music. And remember; any friend you will have has other friends so don't be shy to ask if she/he could introduce you to them at some point.
hotstuff hotstuff 9 years
There's always bookstores!
JaimeLeah526 JaimeLeah526 9 years
Any place that you can go where there will be other women is another opportunity to meet people. If you're not shy I suggest trying to talk to one new person a day. I did this when I was in school and it worked really well. It can't hurt.
Meike Meike 9 years
Dance classes, cooking classes, drawing classes, book clubs, athletic clubs, neighborhood socials, etc. You just have to be willing to put yourself a little out there.
Kimpossible Kimpossible 9 years
the gym is a good one. Also: church/religious/spiritual group (whatever your beliefs are) and toastmasters are things to look into as well. I agree with DearSugar - find whatever niche fits you or whatever interests you have and go from there.
Berlin Berlin 9 years
Try the gym and especially the workout classes! Then not only will you be making friends, but you'll meet new people through them AND you'll have someone to call on for going to work out or eat healthy or shopping, etc. And you can almost bet that most people who are into the gym aren't that into the bar scene either, so you'll have that in common.
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