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You Asked: How Can I Make our First Time Special?

Dear Sugar--

Alright. My boyfriend and I are about to have sex for the first time sometime soon. I am not a virgin, and neither is he, but here is my question. How can I make it special?

I have all these ideas but I don't want to pile them all into one night because then there won't be much left to do for a long time. I thought of sexy lingerie, but do you have any other suggestions? We are going to a hotel (we have no privacy at each other's houses because we live with our parents).....

Any ideas would be amazing! Thanks!

--Help Make it Special Shayna

To hear DEARSUGAR'S answer,

Dear Help Make it Special Shayna--

Since it's your very first time together, that in itself makes it extremely special, but I completely understand that you want to make it even more memorable. You're a smart cookie by not wanting to put all your ideas in one basket; you can't show him all your tricks at once! Wearing something sexy is a great start and here are some other ideas I've come up with:

  • I might sound like your mom here, but make sure you guys talk about your method of birth control before the big night. That way it'll be taken care of and you won't have to worry about it
  • Light candles around the room. Delicate lighting is key for setting the mood
  • Make a mix of some sweet and calming music and most hotels provide a CD player or iPod adapter
  • Buy some scented bath bubbles and spend some time in the tub together
  • Bring some massage oil and take turns rubbing each other's feet, hands, or backs. Don't try to exchange full body massages here - that could take all night!
  • Go slowly. I know that you have been waiting to share this moment, but take your time and enjoy every minute you're together
  • Lower your expectations. I know you want this night to be really special, but make sure you don't put too much pressure on the evening because if it doesn't pan out the way you expected, you'll be sorely disappointed.
  • Talk to each other. Expressing your feelings about how you feel about one another can be a real turn on. Most importantly, don't be shy about asking for what you want
  • Don't forget to have fun!

The time before your first intimate experience with someone is always so exciting. Whatever you choose to do, go with the idea that feels the most comfortable to you, and I'm sure it will be amazing!


Join The Conversation
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 10 years
Lingerie is a girl's best weapon....
books-and-shoes books-and-shoes 10 years
Agreed agreed. Definitely about not expecting too much, I was already thinking that before I read it. Just because sex is a funny thing and it may hurt but it can be very beautiful if you are in love. That said, you don't need much for the first time. All the super sexy lingerie can wait for later. I'd just wear a nice bra-panty set under your dress and all the other suggestions, candles and such. Okay wait. I just noticed that you said neither of you guys are virgins. So you already have an idea of what you're getting into here. Well still agree with everyone else about setting the mood. Good luck!
kendalheart kendalheart 10 years
I agree, this guy is going to be excited either way because he is getting sex! I would say just making the mood right is important the first time, too many of those things can get cheesy! Go with the candles and maybe a cute outfit, that is wayyyy good enough for the first time, save the rest for later!
andaman andaman 10 years
Don't spend a lot on sexy costumes. It's all about taking your time to enjoy it. If he doesn't last long, don't feel too disappoited, it's normal. He will get better with time darling :)
andaman andaman 10 years
How old are you????? Is it legal where you live? If it is use protection (condom is the best). I would say read a lot about sexual health before you sleep with your boyfriend. It can be painful the first time I suggest you explore each other a lot before he goes there..If it hurts stop and try again. Don't feel like you have to do the full monty the first time. Like dearsugar said make sure you enjoy yourself.
GQ_send GQ_send 10 years
wear ur sexy underwear underneath your dress. Create dinner at your place, lights some candles. It would be good if u have a balcony so u can eat outside. Also make ur room clean and also dim the lights or fill it with a few candles. Those good smell candles would be better. Don't need to have music. While u two are slowly having dinner or having convos, just transition from there..slowly lured him to your bed and suddenly take of your dress revealing your lingerie..heheheheh. Puts your arms around his neck and go from there.. lol good luck. remember...wrap it up. hahahahahhahaah
candy-apple candy-apple 10 years
popgoestheworld, you're soooo right! we all have our little issues (ex: that lingerie thing..) and insecurities but it's true that when it's time to put out, your man will probably just be excited about the naked chick in his bed.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
I'm with you callmehoney. Luckily my BF feels the same way. I've asked if he wants me to try to wear lingerie and he says no because it will seem like I'm trying too hard when I don't need to. Phew! My advice to this person would be that your boyfriend is going to be so excited to get laid that he will not care if there are candles or camels in the room with you. So whatever you do, just do it to make you feel comfortable.
callmehoney callmehoney 10 years
i get that guys like lingerie...but i cant get passed the fact that it makes me feel silly. i mean...its going to come off anyway. plus its really hard for me to act sexy without feeling a little weird.
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 10 years
I like all of DearSugar's advise! Set the mood and really enjoy each other! Have fun and play safe ;) .
katie225 katie225 10 years
ooh, i really like the advice to lower your expectations. that's really good advice! don't be expecting too much, and your expectations will be exceeded. no one wants to be disappointed, basically.
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