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You Asked: How Can I Say No without Being Rude?

Dear Sugar--

My roommate and I have always shared our clothes with each other as long as we ask first and dryclean it after wearing it. Well, my roommate just started taking the pill and subsequently put on a bunch of weight. She is always saying how fat and unattractive she feels, yet still continues to borrow my clothes because she says none of her tops fit her anymore.

Well, I am a size 4 and my clothes are starting to get big on me after my roommate borrows them! How can I nicely tell her I don't want her wearing my things since she has gained some weight without adding to her self-consciousness? --Don't Want to be Mean Melissa

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Don't Want to be Mean Melissa--

This is a toughie but it sounds like your roommate needs to do some shopping of her own. If you had always been the same size and her clothes aren't fitting her, it should be pretty obvious that yours won't either.

Some women do gain a few pounds when they start taking the pill or their breasts get bigger, or both, so the next time she complains about how fat she is, why don't you suggest going for a walk or hitting the gym together? And the next time she asks to borrow your clothes, I think it's time you suggest she goes shopping.

If the shoe were to be on the other foot, how do you think she would approach the situation? You are obviously good friends, so just be honest with her. It isn't fair for you to sit back and let her ruin the clothes that you treat yourself to all because you are biting your tongue to protect her feelings. While that is incredibly selfless of you, it isn't fair to you, so don't let her take advantage of you or else you are the one that is going to have to go shopping for a whole new wardrobe!


Join The Conversation
L7amiguita L7amiguita 10 years
L7amiguita L7amiguita 10 years
Tell her, "Dude, your stretching out my clothes!" Then laugh. Maybe she'll get the hint? :)
onesong onesong 10 years
definitely tell her that her new curves are too kickin for your clothes, and although you wish you guys were still the same body type she is now rocking curves you would die for, so won't she please at least let you live vicariously through her and go shopping to get some clothes that flaunt her new bod?
MiyabiNa MiyabiNa 10 years
ps. one of my best friend is pretty much my size, but her boobs are a whole size bigger than mine, and she and I know that. We joke about it all the time! Since she knows, she knows to buy a bit bigger size for herself...we have lotsa fun shopping and I looove helping her find shirts that really accentuate her bust (her bf loves it
MiyabiNa MiyabiNa 10 years
i agree with everyone pretty much~ compliment how ample her boobs are getting and decide on a girls day out to go shopping! You can make suggestions of very cute new outfits....have fun trying them on, then take them home. I bet she won't wanna wear your old clothes anymore once she has all this new cute stuff!
bluejeanie bluejeanie 10 years
i would just say her boobs are stretching out your tops. it's a compliment and that way you won't hurt her feelings that much.
cgmaetc cgmaetc 10 years
You mean she's gone from a 4 to a 6? Oh, the horror!
nicachica nicachica 10 years
I was the friend who stretched out my roomate's belts until she (very nicely!) asked me to please stop. She was very sweet and apologetic about it. I guess since it was only a couple of her belts that she asked me to stop borrowing, it softened the blow a little (i have a bigger waist than her but luckily we're both big chested so our shirts stretched no matter what!). Trust me, i didn't feel so great about it at the time but i felt even worse that i was messing up her stuff! I'm sure you're friend knows she's stretching your shirts but be honest. I got over it pretty quickly because honestly, it just wasn't a big deal. I hope your friend feels the same way!
lickety-split lickety-split 10 years
oh i couldn't do it. i think i'd take the favorite things to my parents (if i could). maybe get a new pair of something like pants that don't streach and tell her how cute they are and then when they don't fit say "well i guess you're right; we aren't the same size anymore. but i can't tell unless you try to put on something too small for you. your boobs/ass/face looks so good now though now that i think about it. maybe i'll start taking the pill!" tough, tough, tough.
Marci Marci 10 years
This is going to be a tough one for you, but you have to find a way to change the habit of borrowing. cubadog always gives good, straight advice, and I happen to agree with her. You could have a girl's night in, get a bottle of wine and before you get too tipsy, have a heart to heart with her. Her feelings are going to get a little hurt, but in the end you have to do it or you'll just end up getting more and more angry with her. I never liked sharing clothing so never got in the borrowing and lending habit, so I can't say I ever had this problem. So I could be way off base here.
pinupsweetheart pinupsweetheart 10 years
I agree. If you don't speak up you will have to go get new clothes yourself. Now if you hate to be THAT honest, like me, suggset to her a shopping spree saying you saw a ton of new adorable clothes that would look perfect on her body type. When you go shopping, pick out a top that would make her boobs/booty etc look fantastic. I think with some good ego boost she will lay off your stuff.
cubadog cubadog 10 years
Unless you want your clothes to suffer speak up and tell her your stretching out my clothes so please stop borrowing them. You don't need to bring up the fact that she has put on a little chub and to be honest if it is really enough that her body has changed that much she may need to adjust what kind of pill she is taking.
Beaner Beaner 10 years
ooh, that's a tough one. You may need to just be honest.
boxem180 boxem180 10 years
I'm with pop: cover it up with a compliment. say something about how they're looking great and how you saw the perfect top that would really accentuate them. maybe once she gets some better fitting ones, she'll leave yours alone. if not and if she doesn't get the hint, flat out tell her she's stretching out your tops. you can be honest without being mean.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 10 years
Oh my, one of my roommates did this to me! She wasn't that much bigger than I was but her arms were like twice the size, and all my tops would come back stretched. I was so sad and I really didn't see how to get out of it. What if you told her she's stretching your tops out because her boobs are so huge now? Usually people gain weight there when they get on the pill, and she'll probably be happier if you compliment her big boobs rather than thinking you're calling her fat... Maybe I'm optimistic though. Good luck!
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