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You Asked: How Can I Tell Him the Sex Is Bad?

Dear Sugar,

I have recently met a wonderful guy. He's smart, funny, kind, witty, and I love spending time with him. He's one of those "great on paper" kind of guys who is awful in bed. I know this is a common problem for women, but I just don't know how to fix it. Could you help?

Let me give you some information first. To start off, he thinks he's pretty good in bed. He also thinks the sex between us is amazing (so I ruled out that this is a chemistry issue). His kisses are ferocious, his foreplay doesn't leave me turned on, and while sex may start out nice, he can't seem to finish unless he mimics a jackhammer on steroids and pummels away. I have tried taking control, but things always revert to his old ways and I can't seem to get around that. I have no idea how to nicely (or seductively) give him advice about what I want in bed. When I say something like, "let's slow down a bit," he says in his thick Brazilian accent, "girls like it slow, guys like it fast" and then slows things down for roughly 2.5 minutes before speeding up as if in the Daytona 500. What's a girl to do? Please, please help! I don't want to lose this guy because the sex is no good — or should I? — Unhappy in the Sack Sally

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Unhappy in the Sack Sally,

Ok, since you're trying to rectify the situation, he must be worth it, so let's put our heads together and figure this situation out! First and foremost, you have to be honest with him if you want him to learn what you like. He could be the best guy in the book, but if you're not happy behind closed doors, it'll just be a matter of time before you just can't take it anymore. Since we all know how powerful a kiss can be, let's start there. Put your hands on his face and slow it down a few notches. Hopefully he will feel the sparks fly when you show him what it feels like to kiss passionately. Then tell him what turns you on when you are messing around. Guys can be extremely clueless, so do you part by filling in the blanks for him.

He says "girls like it slow, guys like it fast," so tell him that if he wants to make you happy, he's going to have to compromise. If he knows you like it slow yet continues to go at it full speed ahead, he's being a selfish lover, which is never ok. Keep in mind that you haven't been dating long, and it sometimes takes a while to get to know how each other tick. His ex could have liked things the complete opposite way that you do, so changing his ways could take a while. Being honest is going to be your best best here, so open up and hopefully he'll be willing to work with you and make your sex life everything you've ever wanted it to be. Good luck!


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